for Karen

By Linda Bidner
lbindner@altavista.net

Chapter 1
Monologue

Kathryn Janeway strolled calmly down the curving corridor of her ship. She felt the heavy thrum of the warp engines sending minute vibrations through her boot soles, and the sensation added to her sense of well-being. Funny how the smoothness of engines can make a body happy, she thought absently to herself. A small, content grin lifted the corners of her mouth.

She sighed as she came to an intersection, rounded the corner, then stopped outside the door to a crew cabin. She rang the door chime.

"Come!" a distracted voice yelled, the sound carrying into the corridor.

The door slid aside and Janeway was accosted before she'd even had the chance to walk through the opening.

Small arms wrapped around her right leg, and two hands with ten very strong fingers grabbed handfuls of her uniform trousers. Janeway had to brace herself against the doorjamb so she wouldn't lose her balance. She looked down and stared into two round brown eyes and the biggest smile in the Delta Quadrant.

"Captain!" Samantha Wildman arrived at the door, breathless after chasing her daughter across the room. A hoverball racket dangled from her hand. "I think she's glad to see you."

As much as Janeway wanted to believe that she held a special place in the toddler's affections, her knowledge of children made her suspicious. "Is it really me? Or is she this way with everybody?" She tried to pry some of the fingers away from her leg as she spoke. The age of the child had nothing to do with the child's fingernails, all ten of which were long and sharp; she felt a few energetic stabs through the material of her uniform. So much for that tough Starfleet fabric, she said in silent amusement. Plundered by a toddler.

"Oh, it's definitely you, Captain," Samantha assured with a grin matching her daughter's. She knelt down to be at eye-level with the girl. "Now, Cat, you be good and don't run off like you did with Lieutenant Tuvok yesterday. Do you promise?"

The grin in place, Cat still managed to look contrite as she said, "Promse promse promse!" She nodded vigorously.

"Good. Captain, I'll be...."

"I know, Samantha. The hoverball tournament. Everybody has been talking about it for days. Now go on. Cat and I will manage just fine." Another jab of pain to her calf accompanied the words.

"Okay. Wish me luck."

"Luck!" yelled Cat. "Wildn luck!" She happily waved a fist in the air.

Samantha sighed softly, then smiled. "Sweetheart, someday I'll have to teach you my first name."

Janeway laughed lightly. In a military situation where first names were rarely used, it was no wonder that Cat called her mother by their last name. "Something we can work on," she promised. "And Samantha -"

Wildman paused on her way out the door. "Yes?"

The Captain lowered her voice and glanced furtively into the corridor before saying, "Give Tom Paris a whipping. It would do his cocky ego a bit of good to get trounced."

"Has he been gloating again?"

"You know Tom. He sits at the conn and radiates confidence. I've been staring laser beams into the back of his head all week and it hasn't made a bit of difference; he's so... smug."

"I'll beat him this time, Captain. Tonight is the downfall of Tom Paris, hoverball menace!" Samantha Wildman gripped her racket tighter, gave it a twirl, and headed at a trot down the hall.

The Captain watched her go, then returned her attention to her charge. Cat grinned up at her, completely unconcerned that her mother had just disappeared. The girl's ready acceptance of each new caregiver as she was passed from crewmember to crewmember, day in, day out, never stopped surprising Kathryn. She harbored too many unpleasant memories of the excruciating crying tantrums she'd endured while baby-sitting her sister's children to take anything for granted just yet. But Cat seemed to be perfectly adjusted to the unusual system Samantha had devised for her daughter's baby-sitters - out of simple necessity, whoever was available was it. One good aspect of that system was that Cat knew every member of the crew. At least by their last names.

Smiling at her thoughts, Kathryn bent down. "Well, let's get a good look at you. I haven't seen you for two days. Have you grown any today?" The girl shook her head, her short brown hair bouncing into her eyes. "Are you sure?" A solemn nod followed. "But you'll tell me if you do - I don't want to miss any growing or anything. Okay?"

"Okay?"

The mimicry made the Captain's smile grow. This was a game that many of the crew had played with Cat, and she was learning a great deal of words at an astonishing rate. Kathryn decided to play a little. "Cat, say Samantha."

"Manth."

"No, Saaaamantha."

"Smmmmmmantha."

"Close enough. Now who's you're mommy?"

"Wildn!"

"Yep, that's my Cat." Janeway scooped her into her arms and looked around the Wildman's quarters. A few toys were scattered near the couch, and some leftover dinner remained on the table in the living area. Samantha had a rule that nobody ever had to pick up after the Wildman family while baby-sitting, though most crewmembers were more than willing to lend a helping hand. Just keeping up with Voyager's first child was a job in itself, and Samantha was often exhausted from her daughter's exuberance. Kathryn always tried to sneak a little general cleaning into her baby-sitting shifts. She didn't mind, and if the Captain didn't help, what would the crew think?

She dismissed the sardonic thoughts that sprang to mind and said, "So, what should we do tonight? Do you want to play blocks? Would you like to build?" The set of blocks that Commander Chakotay had carved were in a discarded supply container beside the bedroom door.

But Cat shook her head. "No!" she said emphatically. "Go out."

Janeway's brows rose. A mischievous look crossed her face. "Ah. You're saying we should do the tour."

"Yes. The too, wib my Jane." Cat pushed against Kathryn's shoulder until the Captain was forced to set her down. The minute her feet touched the floor, the girl was at the door. Only the locking sensor recalibrated to seal the door when small objects approached stopped her from tearing happily into the corridor.

"I'm coming. Wait a minute." Janeway released the safety mechanism and the door swooshed aside. "Take my hand. Cat. Caterina! You know the rules. If you don't stay with me, we don't go on tour."

In her haste to grab the offered hand, Cat tripped on her own feet and fell to the carpeted deck. Undeterred, she rose again, a bit unsteady at first until she found her balance, then danced impatiently at Janeway's side while the door closed and locked behind them.

"Let's go."

Cat led the way down the corridor, dragging Janeway as much as a toddler could, and headed directly for the nearest turbolift.

Once inside the small lift, Janeway gave a command and they began moving swiftly through the ship. "You know, Cat, I've always liked the turbolift. When I was young, I remember that my mother would ride with me all over the ships when we were on vacations. It was years before I understood why we ended up some place completely different than where we started. Oh, I wasn't dumb, I think perhaps I just didn't want to understand - it was magic if I didn't think about it too hard." She glanced around the tiny, enclosed space and sighed wistfully. "I'll admit that sometimes I still want to jump in a lift and just ride and ride...."

The lift slowed as the ride neared its end. The door slid quietly aside and Janeway glanced out. An empty corridor beckoned. With a sigh of relief she exited the lift and turned right at the first intersection. I don't believe I'm sneaking around my own ship for this, she complained to herself. Have you no shame, Kathryn? Where's your dignity, that captainly aura of nobility that you're always supposed to have? But it was no use reprimanding herself; she loved being with Cat too much to stop her protective attitude towards her baby-sitting shifts. Kathryn knew from experience that if she wasn't careful, secretive, and downright selfish about these times, somebody with some obscure problem from some department would track her down and demand her attention. It happened more often than it didn't. Her nagging sense of duty always got the better of her in these situations, and she ended up passing Cat off to the nearest available person and disappearing into the interminable responsibilities of commanding a Starship. It was irritating.

So she hid, giving Cat her tours in deserted areas of the ship, hoping that nothing would happen, and if something did, that nobody could find her.

"Hopefully everybody will bother Chakotay tonight," she said aloud, telling the child her thoughts, not caring if Cat was too young to understand. "It's surely his turn to be annoyed by the doctor or Stellar Cartography. I think I've paid my dues for the week."

The curving corridor beckoned and the two began a lurching walk through the empty space. First Cat led, then Kathryn, then Cat, each trying to stay in front of the other in a perpetual game of follow the leader. Kathryn was soon jogging lightly to keep up with the toddler's energetic pace, a foolish grin plastered on her face.

"Well, Cat, I'm just as glad that nobody can see us right now. You're hair's flying all over the place, and I probably look like an idiot; a Starfleet officer chasing a two year old child in the corridors of an Intrepid class starship. I don't think the architects had anything like this in mind when they designed this ship. It wasn't exactly built for sprints down the corridors. I'm not sure I was built for this, either!" Kathryn paused as Cat's attention suddenly diverted to studying the controls of a jeffries tube access hatch. Glad of the rest, the Captain sucked in air, trying to create a reserve in her lungs before the next marathon began.

"I'm getting old, Cat. I can hardly keep up with you anymore. But don't tell anybody - I could never live it down. No, don't push that - damn. When did you learn how to open access panels?" Kathryn quickly reached forward and wrapped a hand around one foot as Cat started to scramble through the opening and into the empty jeffries access chamber.

Cat let out a squeal of excitement and tried to encourage Kathryn to follow her. "I don't think so," Janeway replied. "Not today, at least. Come on, Catty, come out. Maybe we can tour the jeffries tube some other time - when I have some help in keeping track of you," she added under her breath. She pulled, then grabbed the squirming girl around her waist and hauled her back into the corridor. Cat made one more lunge, but Kathryn was ready for her this time. The access hatch was closed and sealed with a five-minute Captain's override before Cat could gather herself for a third attempt. Even if they stayed where they were, five minutes was more than enough time for Cat to forget about the hatch and zero in on something else.

The girl turned a scowl on Janeway, and her lower lip stuck out. There was no doubt about her feelings on the subject right now.

"I know, Cat. Life isn't always fair. You can't go into the jeffries tubes, and I can't have a baby.... Good grief, where did that thought come from?" Kathryn plunked down on the deck and stared at the wall, surprised and unusually distressed at that thought. She looked at Cat, who was now eye to eye with her. "Maybe it's because I was thinking about Lieutenant Bartlow; I was talking about Stellar Cartography, after all. Cat, you should see her. She's getting bigger every day. I saw her patting her stomach just this morning." Janeway heaved a deep sigh into the empty corridor. "I don't know why I like watching this pregnancy so much, but I can't seem to help myself. I mean no disrespect, Cat, but I was too worried about having children on Voyager to completely appreciate yours and Samantha's time."

"Ssssmantha," Cat breathed into Kathryn's face, then wrapped her short arms around her Captain's neck.

Kathryn smiled, her thoughts momentarily diverted. "Very good! But I hope you don't think I'm Samantha." Cat fell into her lap and the two curled against each other. Baby smells still wafted from Cat, sweet and a little musky and most definitely enticing. "Oh, Cat, you always know when I need a good hug. You're such a lover, such a good hugger." Cat planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek, more a wet pause of mouth to cheek than a kiss. "I think we need to practice the kissing, though. Perhaps Chakotay can work with us on that."

A wicked smile threatened to lift the corners of her lips, and she let herself grin for a second, then she cleared her throat and forced her features under control again. With pursed lips, she thoughtfully studied the little girl. "It's a good thing you're not articulate enough yet to go yelling what I tell you all over the ship. The crew would... well, the crew would love it, but that doesn't mean I would." Kathryn looked around. "What I need is a distraction." Her gaze fell on a computer panel. "Let's see if you remember how to work the sensor controls."

They climbed awkwardly to their feet, hands and legs getting tangled with trousers and shirttails. Kathryn hoisted Cat into her arms and crossed to the panel on the wall. A graphic of Voyager took prominent place on the display, surrounded by glowing buttons and scrolling data. "Computer," Janeway ordered, "place internal sensor controls to panel J7, corridor two, section C."

Acknowledged. Sensor controls now in place, said the computer's lilting voice.

Cat glanced over her shoulder, up the hall, down the hall, at the floor, and up to the ceiling to locate the disembodied voice. "Puter, go!" she ordered.

"That's the way, Cat, make the voice loud and authoritative. It's a solid style for command. You'll be Captain before you're twelve." She pushed a series of buttons with her left hand, struggling to hold Cat high enough to reach the panel with her right. "You and I are pretty similar in that way, aren't we, Cat? We're both loud and bossy. I guess neither of us could ever have a command style like, oh, say Chakotay for example. He's so calm and quiet, and asks questions and makes requests. Following his orders is like being allowed to do him a big favor. I've never been able to figure out how he does it. When I think I've got his methods pinned down, he starts in on something completely different. I'll tell you something, Cat; part of me wishes I could have been under his command in the Maquis - now that would have been interesting. But only if he built me another bathtub." The grin threatened to overtake her features again, and she shook her head to clear it.

"Yeb u eady Jane u gi it," Cat intoned seriously, willingly offering her advice. Then she stuck her finger in her mouth.

"I have no idea what you just said, but we won't let that stop us. Okay, they're ready, Cat. Do you remember what to do? How to narrow the search pattern down to show us on the wall monitor?"

Cat nodded, then mashed her hand against the panel. Several distressing sounding beeps issued from the mechanism.

"Use one finger. Like this." Kathryn spread her feet wider and planted her boots firmly on the floor to find her equilibrium while holding a thirty pound child, then did her best to center that child on her right hip, which even after two years didn't have much practice at this type of balancing act. She held Cat's hand with her own, slowly taking her through the series of sensor commands, punching the panel with Cat's wet index finger.

"Narrow it down a little more - here, push this. Good. Now switch to this band, and screen out some of the interference... Oh, there's your mom at the tournament. We'll go back to that in a minute. A little more.... If Tuvok caught anybody using the sensors like this... but I have Captain's prerogative, and Tuvok is stuck on the Bridge." Kathryn smiled in satisfaction at the thought of somebody else being in control so that she could have time to play with the sensors. She giggled softly. Cat echoed her. "We'll laugh about this and not tell Mr. Tuvok."

"I tell not. Nothing," Cat whispered in concentration. She pulled her hand away from Janeway's and carefully pushed two more buttons.

"Very good! But we're a little off - if we slide them to port just a little.... There! There we are. Take a look at us. Can you wave?

Cat waved at the wall panel, and the sensors showed her waving back, almost as if she faced a mirror. Kathryn grinned, then grimaced as in her excitement, Cat grabbed a handful of her ponytail. Kathryn allowed herself to be dragged two steps to the right as she fought to extricate her hair from those strong fingers. "Cat, let go. You'll pull out my hair, and Starfleet already has enough bald captains as it is. Let -"

"Look!" Cat said suddenly.

"No, let go, Cat."

"Look. Mantha look a the go fortelt!" Cat let go of Kathryn's hair and pointed vigorously at the wall panel, then started to laugh. "Hi! Hi! Cotayhi!"

Kathryn paused to try to figure out what the girl was talking about. She leaned in closer to the wall panel, suddenly noticing a second pair of black boots appearing behind her in the picture. She looked closer still, moved Cat to her left hip. Then her eyes widened, and she blushed in sudden embarrassment.

"Oh," she said.

 Chapter 2
A Little Flirting Never Hurt Anybody

How much had he heard?

Kathryn's panicked thoughts were interrupted as Cat made frenzied shoves against her shoulders. "Down!" she demanded even as Janeway turned away from the wall panel.

The Captain was forced to set the frantic girl down or risk having her hair pulled again. Cat ran for the new arrival and threw her arms around his leg.

Well, now I know that's not just for me, Janeway thought in irony. She tried to contain her expression, masking her furious blush behind a solid look of captainly dignity, but failed completely. Fortunately, Chakotay wasn't looking at her. His attention was taken completely by Cat. Good thing, she thought, though she wondered if he might have enjoyed the spectacle. She suspected that he had been waiting to catch her off guard in hopes of gauging her reaction for quite some time.

Chakotay spoke first. "This is quite a reception!" He tried to pry Cat's fingers from his leg.

"And Samantha told me that I was the only one to receive such attention," she replied, the ironic twist from her thoughts carrying into her voice. But it appeared that he needed her help more than her irony. "Cat, let go of the Commander. Come on, your fingernails are too sharp for this kind of game."

Cat just laughed and held on tighter, enjoying her control of the situation.

"This calls for desperate measures." Chakotay tickled her, but Cat stubbornly held on, though her laughter grew to shrieks. "You can't hold out forever, Catryn. Face it, I've got you. Give up, my girl. Gotcha!" He wrapped his hands around her tiny waist the minute she released his uniform. Still hollering loud enough to alert security, Cat let him lift her into the air, twisting her head over heals until she was so high she could reach out and touch the ceiling. Her fingertips grazed the panels, then he flipped her down over his shoulder, around the back of his neck, then to a stop in the crook of his arm. Cat reached out to give an appreciative, childish pat to the soft ends of his cropped hair, then leaned in for an affectionate nose rub.

Kathryn broke into a wide smile. She had kept admirable control of herself through this entire ritual, but the nose rub was her downfall. It had been a signature welcoming between Chakotay and Cat since soon after Cat's birth, and she would never tire of watching this oddly heartwarming tradition. The difference in size of the two gave it a comical edge, but nobody dared to laugh at them. The truth was, most of the crew, including the Captain, was mildly jealous of the strong bond that had surprisingly developed between them. Although, Janeway reflected, it shouldn't have surprised anybody. Chakotay was certainly the gentlest man on the ship.

He was also a man with a mission. "How did you find me?" Janeway queried next, her hands on her hips in annoyance.

Chakotay released Cat, and she immediately imitated the Captain's pose. The Commander glanced from one to the other, obviously amused. "Did I interrupt something, ladies?" he asked in a tone so polite that it could do nothing but aggravate the Captain further.

"Yes," Kathryn said bluntly, clearly aggravated. "Unless it's a disaster of universal proportions and the ship is about to be destroyed by irrefutably evil beings, I'm unavailable."

Commander Chakotay shook his head, fighting down a smile. "Not to disappoint that ego of yours, Captain, but I'm not looking for you."

"Oh." She was taken aback, but recovered quickly. Her next suggestion matched his previous question in politeness. "Then shouldn't you be on the Bridge?"

"It's in Tuvok's capable hands. I was on my way to Engineering to check with B'Elanna on those new nacelle conduits they installed last week." His eyes darted quickly in the direction of the computer wall panel, taking in its recent unorthodox use. "Does Tuvok know you're playing around with the internal sensors again?"

"No, and he better not find out, either. Reprimanding the Captain might make him uncomfortable."

"That would be unfortunate," he agreed amiably.

"It would. So what are you doing down here?" She eyed him coyly. "This is hardly the fastest way to Engineering."

Chakotay nodded at Cat, who had patiently stood and watched the adults with avid interest. "I promised Cat to take her with me to Engineering the next time I went. She wants to see the warp core."

Kathryn's expression went from coy to indignant. "You can't have her! She's mine for at least another two hours."

"Do you plan to fight me for her?"

"I will if I have to," she promised mildly.

He shook his head and chuckled softly. "I've heard that tone before." He turned to talk to Cat. "Well, Captain Janeway has spoken. Maybe we can plan -"

But as usual, Cat had a mind of her own to make up. She grabbed Chakotay's fingers and pulled. "Neering!" she demanded. "Do too in da neering on. Mantha Jane come too!" She pointed at Janeway, then with a happy laugh, ran away down the corridor.

"Now look what you've done," Kathryn stated in mock anger. She started after the giggling girl.

"Mantha Jane?" he teased her in response, only a step behind.

"She thinks my first name is Samantha." At his laugh, she added, "I was trying to teach her mother's name to her. Can I help it if we all call each other by last names and she's never heard her mother's first name before?" Janeway caught Cat's hand and redirected her towards a turbolift that would carry them to the engineering deck.

Chakotay took hold of Cat's other hand. By an unspoken agreement he and Kathryn swung the toddler into the air, then plopped her back onto her feet, only to swing her forward again. Cat hollered in delight.

"If it will help, I can start calling you Kathryn more often," he joked.

"Don't you dare!" But she grinned at him over the child swinging wildly between them.

"Definitely not on the Bridge," he noted thoughtfully, then continued, "But surely every place else is fair ground.

"You know, Chakotay, sometimes you really irritate me."

"You know, Kathryn, I think you really like me when I do."

They entered the lift and their combined laughter rang in the empty corridor.

Just as they reached Engineering, Chakotay whirled Cat into his arms again so she wouldn't be tempted to roam into any dangerous places. Kathryn had quickly composed her expression to a typical mask of command as they exited the lift, but two steps into the crowded hallway her eyes glazed and a hand went to her mouth in sudden consternation.

Chakotay glanced at her. "What is it?"

She looked up at him, her hand still on her mouth. "I suddenly remembered something I need to do - you go on, I'll be with you in a moment - I'm eager to see how Torres managed to implement those conduits. They were barely within acceptable size standards when we bought them; it should be a true feat of engineering skill just to get them connected to the nacelles' systems."

His eyes expressed curiosity and perhaps a little suspicion as well, but after a moment of consideration he accepted her statement. At least, he kept his thoughts to himself in the crowded area. "You know B'Elanna - her solution will be creative as much as interesting. We'll wait for you." He hoisted Cat further into his embrace, settling her securely near his shoulder, then gave Janeway a quick smile and disappeared through the department's entrance.

Kathryn let her features fall into relieved embarrassment. She was glad he hadn't asked what was suddenly so important. She would have told him, but she would have felt stupid in the telling. She hastily turned and retreated to a generally ignored dead-end corridor near Engineering, and with a touch of guilt in her voice, she said, "Computer, return internal sensor controls to original format."

* * *

The impromptu party had already started when Janeway entered Engineering. The department was crowded with personnel assigned to maintain the ship's engines and related systems, but work had stalled completely while everybody gathered to surround the Commander and Cat. She heard the final greetings as any remaining crew surged out of the jeffries tubes to join the group.

"Hi, Catlyn!"

"Hey, there, little Catrina."

"Oh, look, Cat's here!"

Janeway had to wriggle between Harry Kim and Ensign Pktash just to see what was happening.

B'Elanna Torres stood in front of Chakotay as the Commander held Cat against his chest. Cat leaned forward, a grin on her face, and her hands placed on each side of B'Elanna's head.

"Listen to this, everybody - you'll love this!" B'Elanna put her hands in an identical position beside Cat's ears, her hands nearly covering the child's entire skull, and she leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Klingon ridges met Katarian spikes in a bizarre gesture of affection. "Now Cat, let's growl. Ready - Grrrrrr!"

"Grrrrr!" Cat answered in a voice surprisingly deep and mature for such a young person. It almost matched the Lieutenant's in volume. She was grinning so wide a line of drool slid down her chin and her teeth clenched in her version of a fierce Klingon scowl.

Laughter erupted throughout Engineering.

"That's my Cat, you little animal!" B'Elanna laughed along with the others, completely enchanted with the tiny Katarian girl. She lifted her hands palms out so Cat could slap her with her own small palms, and a second growl came from deep in her throat. They all laughed again, and Cat smiled broadly, thrilled down to her toes at all the attention.

Chakotay cocked an eyebrow at his former Maquis engineer. "Well, now we know where she got the nickname `Cat.' She can't help purring like a feline - B'Elanna's been growling to her since she was born."

Torres tossed her hair back from her eyes and gave him a saucy look. "And who's been rubbing noses with her for just as long?"

The First Officer's mouth pursed in a perfect expression of pinched pride. "What are you saying, Torres? That you want me to rub noses with you?"

The crowd roared again, and B'Elanna's yell of, "You wish, Chakotay!" was almost lost in the noise.

Janeway snorted a laugh, unable to hold herself back. It wasn't often that she managed to infiltrate a group of crewmembers during one of the ship's many spontaneous gatherings. No matter what she did, no matter how she acted, some members of the crew simply couldn't forget that she was the Captain. Even with her efforts to become more than just a commanding officer to the crew, the wall of command still separated her from a great many of the individuals serving under her. But if she was quiet and unobtrusive, and remained inconspicuously in the back of the group, she occasionally succeeded in joining them for some fun.

But that didn't always work. Without warning, while people were still laughing and Harry Kim was extolling the virtues of the young girl he'd single-handedly saved from the Vidiians, someone with a bigger sense of Starfleet decorum than timing yelled, "Captain on deck!"

The party instantly disintegrated, as every crewmember seemed to grow roots through the deck plates.

Sometimes life really isn't fair, Janeway groused to herself. She recalled her earlier assessment to Cat as she felt the gazes of twelve people turned on her. She grudgingly moved forward, all the while wishing she could remove her rank the way she did her uniform.

Suddenly she heard Chakotay grunt. "And all this time I thought I left acting-senior-officer-on-duty Tuvok on the Bridge while first-officer-acting-Captain Chakotay did an inspection tour of Engineering."

Despite Chakotay's speech, as cute as it might have been, all twenty-four eyes still riveted to Janeway. The final call was hers. For a moment she considered telling them to carry on, yet she didn't want to be the cause of the sudden halt in the festivities.

Her instincts took control. She gave a deprecatory shrug of her shoulders. "Don't look at me. I'm just the baby-sitter."

Chapter 3
Too Many Cooks....

Chakotay pulled the last of the ingredients from the pantry and arranged them on the counter in the order that he would need them even as his thoughts continued in a more disorganized pattern. He grinned again as he recalled Kathryn's words from the night before: I'm just the baby-sitter. She'd been wise not to break up that party in Engineering. Though the crew sometimes had trouble allowing her to have a good time with them, she did everything in her power to facilitate a friendly relationship with as many of them as she could. He guessed that at least half the crew occasionally forgot that she was their commanding officer. That wasn't saying much, though, especially after all the time that had elapsed. Still, as the night before illustrated, a little bit of wisdom went a long way with the crew of Voyager.

Her wisdom was only one of the things he loved about Kathryn Janeway. He had to admire her unflagging desire to make everybody feel as comfortable and at home on board Voyager as she possibly could. She had always understood the necessity to have discipline and a single mission to unite the crew of her ship, but she also realized the need for continuity and a sense of family, of belonging to the larger group and having a part in that other aspect of life aboard a floating community. He knew she wanted to share in the social spheres of the ship, and he as well as others of the senior staff helped her when they could, but... There were times when Captain was tattooed across her forehead and nobody was able to ignore it.

And so when Kathryn suddenly appeared on the other side of the kitchen's serving partition in the mess hall, interrupting his meditation and his cooking, he blurted, "Hi, Captain!"

Her gaze slowly washed over him, taking in his casual attire and the food spread out before him, settling at last on his face. His face was alight with undisguised joy. "Despite the formal greeting, I think it's safe to say that you're as glad to see me as I am to see you." She grinned at him and leaned against the counter.

"Sorry. I was thinking."

"About what?"

"About starting a subversive movement to overthrow Starfleet hierarchy on board Voyager and remove all ranks for the sake of social - um - bonding."

"Oh? Sounds intriguing. Who are you thinking of bonding with?"

"I thought I'd start at the top and see how it goes from there. Any objections?"

"None at all. That's the first rule of the felicity principle, after all; keep the Captain happy and the party may go on forever."

Chakotay chuckled. "Party till infinity. I like that. Especially if I can party with the right person. Are you available?"

"I certainly hope so!"

They laughed together in comfortable companionship, enjoying their flirting, enjoying being together, and finally at ease with each other in public areas.

"What are you doing?" she asked next, gesturing to the array of cooking utensils cluttering Neelix's kitchen.

He looked around, as if he'd forgotten all about his surroundings. "Making rosk hachunta and hair pasta. Maybe an omelet if I'm still hungry."

"Mind if I help?"

He grinned. "I thought you didn't like to cook."

She shrugged. "Well, I just never knew that doing it with somebody makes it a lot more fun."

Chakotay's grin turned sly. "I don't mind if you help, but are you sure you're able to?"

"If you're referring to my past disasters in this kitchen, I'll have you know that my cooking abilities have improved tremendously."

An eyebrow rose in unmasked misgiving. "They would have to before Neelix will let you back here again."

"Very funny, Chakotay. I think I can handle breaking a few eggs this evening... if you'll just remind me how to do it one more time."

He hesitated. Though he admired many things about Kathryn, her cooking skills weren't among them. He usually ended their times in the mess hall kitchen with a major cleanup detail to hide the latest mistake from Neelix. He looked at her carefully, but saw only the sincerest of expressions on her face. "Do you really want to help?" he asked.

Kathryn wavered a bit now that the offer was in the open. She drummed her fingers on the countertop, glancing once more over the ingredients. "Hair pasta?" she questioned in hesitation.

"Yes. And omelets."

"Sounds difficult. I don't want to ruin it..."

He smiled slowly at her across the counter, lending her encouragement and a little affection. "Come on back, Kathryn - I won't let you ruin it."

Her own smile answered his invitation. She left the counter and worked her way around the partition and through the kitchen door. 

I hope I don't regret this, Chakotay thought to himself.

"What do I do first?" she asked. She stood in the center of the kitchen, her hands propped on her hips, and surveyed the layout.

Ah, she's the Captain even in the kitchen, was his next thought when he caught her indulging in her favorite bridge pose. Kathryn Janeway only put her hands on her hips when she refused to be threatened by some unknown and possibly dangerous entity. It was an amusing posture to take in a kitchen.

"First, why don't you put some water on to boil, then you can help me chop the vegetables for the rosk hachunta."

They worked silently for a few moments, the only sound the chopping of their knives through the organically grown vegetables collected from aeroponics. Occasionally there was a poof from Neelix's capricious heating elements to accent their work.

As she sliced, Kathryn snuck glances at him from the corners of her eyes. He looked good. Casual clothes had always suited Chakotay. Now they reminded her of those many months they'd spent on New Earth where the uniforms had been unnecessary and civilian clothes more comfortable attire. Her thoughts surprised her a little. She hadn't thought of those three months away from Voyager for a long time. In fact, now that she thought of it - "I like your vest. It's from New Earth, isn't it?"

Chakotay had to look down to remind himself what he was wearing before he could answer her. "Yes. I'm surprised you remember it. I decided to keep it since I liked it so much."

"I thought I recognized it. I didn't think to keep any of my replicated clothes at the time. I guess my thoughts were on other things than stuffing my closet!"

He shook his head and heaved a regretful sigh. "That's too bad. I liked some of those dresses."

"So did I." Kathryn paused in her chopping to thoughtfully scratch her chin. "It's interesting what we thought was important at the time, but now, looking back, our concerns seem so inconsequential."

"Yes. We did tend to get psychologically stuck on a few things. Our attitudes are what come to my mind right away."

She eyed him dubiously and continued her chopping. "We were pretty stiff for awhile," she admitted after a moment.

"Stiff? Is that what you call it?"

"All right, maybe that's not the right word...."

"Terrified. That's the right word." He glanced down at her and chuckled quietly. "We were both so scared we couldn't even be in the same room together because we didn't know how to act anymore. After two days Torres told me it was driving her crazy and she was going to report ridiculous rumors about us over the ship's intercom if we didn't cut it out."

Kathryn tried to hold back a smile. "Torres would do something like that," she agreed in amusement. "B'Elanna has her own personal style of solving problems."

"She doesn't like to mess around - she'd rather say it how it is and get it over with. You might call it her command style."

Kathryn paused again, the knife resting directly over a fresh yellow-root carrot. He had heard, she thought. Her entire conversation with Cat in that empty corridor the day before, what was meant to be something of a psychological release for her and not for the ears of anybody who could speak coherently, had obviously been overheard. She tried to remember if she'd said anything too personal to Cat, or too revealing considering who she was talking with now. She wasn't sure she remembered everything.

"By the way," Chakotay continued, apparently unaware of her sudden dilemma, "I thought you handled things well in Engineering last night."

He'd taken the discussion back into safer territory. With a sigh of relief, she lowered the knife to the vegetable again. "I didn't want to be the cause of breaking up the party. And it was true - I was off duty, and just the baby-sitter. Unfortunately, my baby-sitting skills are about as good as my cooking skills. It was pure luck that Cat stayed out of the warp core."

"A toddler can certainly keep anybody busy. Particularly a Katarian. Did you know she has almost twice as much energy as a fully human child?"

Kathryn's eyes opened in wide surprise. "No, I've never heard that."

"The doctor told me all about it. It has something to do with her DNA structure. He gave me a complete lecture on the subject, but I didn't understand very much of it."

"I don't know how Samantha does it. By the time the tournament was over last night and she came back, I was exhausted. She was exhausted because of the hoverball games. The only one with any energy was Cat... the little squint."

"Did you have fun baby-sitting, except for the part in Engineering?"

Kathryn grinned then. "I have to admit that I did. Cat may be energetic, but she's such a cheerful girl. You can't help having a good time when she's around. Take B'Elanna for example - I never thought I'd see her getting cozy with a baby. And here she gave Cat her nickname."

"That is pretty impressive." Chakotay dumped the chopped food into the pan of boiling water, then dumped hers in as well. "You know, I don't even remember what Cat's real name is. Isn't it some unpronounceable Katarian traditional name?"

"I think so. But it can't be any harder for you to pronounce than 'Chakotay' is for her." Kathryn tugged playfully at the edge of his vest.

"At least she knows my real name. I'm not Mantha Jane. Can I call you that on the Bridge?"

"If that ever happens, I know a certain First Officer who's going to be spending a lot of his free time depolarizing the waste receptacle unit. By hand."

Chakotay hesitated, a playful grin on his face. He looked at her, glanced at the boiling water, then looked at her again. "You wouldn't really do that, would you?"

"Would you like to try me?"

His grin widened and he rubbed his chin, a gesture that she knew meant trouble. "It might be worth it, just to see your expression. And Tom's. And Harry's. And Tuvok's."

Kathryn laughed and gave him an affectionate shove with her hip. "Chakotay, you're terrible, but I love your sense of humor!"

His wry grin grew calculatedly softer and he leaned in to flirtatiously say, "I have other attributes that are just as easy to love."

Kathryn took in his inviting smile, the alluring look in his eyes, his posture, and her brows rose in response. Even with a carrot in hand, Commander Chakotay could still look unarguably seductive. She knew he was playing with her, having fun making her a little uncomfortable, and perhaps a bit out of control. He was being outrageous... and she loved every minute of it. "I already do," she answered in deep, husky tones, determined not to be outdone by him even in a kitchen. When he set the carrot on the counter, reached to pull her close, willing to kiss her right there in the mess hall kitchen, she was ready. "Of course, it's your nose rubs and your bathtubs that I find the... most... appealing." She was pleased to note that she sounded just like Sandrine.

He lost it. His face only inches from hers, his eyes locked in her gaze, he started giggling and couldn't stop. All seduction gone now from his manner, he wrapped his arms around her in a familiar embrace, and she hugged him back, her chuckles joining his. Their giggles fed off each other and quickly mutated into genuine laughter. Soon they were both laughing so hard that they had to lean against the counters for support. They were completely oblivious to the boiling pot of vegetables, the food waiting on the tables, and any crewmembers who might be finding solitude in the mess hall.

Harry Kim and Tom Paris glanced up from their game of Delta Quadrant checkers when the laughter attracted their attention. They could just make out the two figures through the kitchen partitions.

"Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway," Harry stated, and a tiny satisfied smile played at the corners of his lips.

Tom groaned softly and pushed the checker pieces around the board with his index finger. His nose wrinkled ever so slightly at the scene he and his friend were witnessing. "Those two are so much in love it's nauseating just to watch."

"Yeah," Kim responded with a sigh. "Great, isn't it."

Chapter 4
Conversations

"Very well." Captain Janeway laid the data padd on the conference room table and glanced at each senior officer in turn. She rocked back in her chair and smiled languidly. "I'd like to say that these are the most impressive departmental reports I think I've ever seen. Things are going so well, it's almost scary."

B'Elanna Torres snorted inelegantly. When everybody turned to look at her, she choked on a second laugh. Hastily she explained, "I know what you mean, Captain. Every time I walk through Engineering, I try not to breath - it might interrupt the teamwork."

"I wish we knew what caused this cohesiveness. It would make a pretty interesting study in case we were ever in a situation where we could implement it." Chakotay swung his chair sideways and leaned his elbow comfortably on the table. He thought about winking at Kathryn, then decided against it. A kiss in the mess hall was one thing. Flirting at a briefing was quite another, even if the atmosphere was more conducive to informality than usual.

Harry Kim folded his hands on the table and confidently declared, "I think everybody's just happy."

Janeway turned her gaze to him. She pensively considered his idea, noting that, though she couldn't speak for the rest of the crew, she certainly felt good. Make that pretty darned good, she decided. "Whatever the cause, Mr. Kim, I'm not going to question the outcome. I like what I'm seeing. Let's try to do what we can to keep the ship running this smoothly."

"Aye, Captain," Harry replied almost rhetorically, then grinned, suddenly very happy himself. The Captain looked more relaxed than he'd ever seen her. Senior staff briefings never used to be this enjoyable. Things had definitely improved, and he had his own theories as to when and why the improvement had taken place.

Captain Janeway continued, "Now, I want to deal with Tuvok's theory of boosting the energy output in the sensors and scanners using the waste energy from our warp engines. With the new nacelle conduits, this might prove possible at long last."

Chakotay interrupted, "Another interesting study we can do - if it works."

The Captain nodded. "These new conduits make a lot of things possible for us. We were extremely fortunate to attain them."

B'Elanna interrupted this time. "What do you know; the Delta Quadrant does have something to offer." Smiles erupted around the table. The Lieutenant's general derision of the quadrant as a whole was widely known throughout the ship.

"Why Lieutenant Torres, how openly optimistic of you to finally admit that," joked Janeway. "How about if you and Commander Chakotay work on aligning the conduit relays from Engineering while I see to the Bridge reconfiguration from here with Ensign Kim."

"I've already worked out some of the matrices, Captain," Kim informed. "I'll transfer the data to the main computer as soon as the briefing is over."

Janeway smiled at the Ensign's natural exuberance. She could always count on Harry to be thinking ahead. "Excellent, Mr. Kim. Commander, since we have a jump on you up here, let us know when you and Ms. Torres are finished in Engineering."

"Aye, Captain." The desire to wink was even more powerful this time, but he valiantly suppressed it.

Janeway pretended not to notice. "Mr. Tuvok, reroute sufficient power to the new systems for a test later on today. I think we can get this up and working by... oh, say fourteen hundred hours." A chorus of affirmatives echoed around the table. "Mr. Paris, you have the Bridge. That's all for today. Dismissed.

As they broke up and left the conference room, Harry found himself behind Tom and B'Elanna. He couldn't help overhear Tom mutter, "Did you see that?"

B'Elanna was more intent on the data padd in her hand than Tom's observations. "See what?" She punched a few commands into the padd, scowled, then tried another command.

"The Captain," Tom hissed quietly.

"What about her?" The data refused to comply to her computations and her distraction continued.

They paused just outside the secondary turbolift in the Bridge access corridor. "Well, she was just so... I don't know... relaxed."

Torres glanced up at Tom, irritated at having her work interrupted for something so insignificant. "So? She's in a good mood. I think we should be thrilled and run before something happens to end it."

"That's not all it is, though," Tom persisted. "I mean, the Commander... the Captain...."

Fully indignant at the furthering of this ridiculous conversation, B'Elanna gestured wildly with the padd and regarded her friend. "Tom, spit it out. What are you trying to say?"

Paris shook his head and leaned into the wall, puzzled. "I don't know, B'Elanna. I can't put my finger on it. She just looked so relaxed, like... like...."

Harry worked his way around the couple blocking the lift and stepped in. Turning to face them, he finished for Tom, "Like she just had really good sex." He had the pleasure of watching their mouths drop in unison before the lift doors shut out the spectacle.

* * *

An even more distracted B'Elanna entered Engineering a few moments later. Chakotay was already there, hitting buttons on a recessed computer panel. He turned to look at her, then grinned at the far away expression in her eyes. "What happened to you? Did you get lost on the way to Engineering?"

Torres jerked her head up. "No. Of course not. I was just talking to Tom. So, where are we on this? Has Harry processed his information yet?"

A little surprised by the abrupt change in topic, Chakotay returned his attention to the panel. "Yes, it just came through. Let's take a look at it." He called up the new data and began a slow perusal through the scrolling numbers and formulae.

"Looks good," B'Elanna commented.

Chakotay gave her another look of surprise. "You're not going to check it first?"

She hesitated, then shook her head. "No. Harry knows what he's doing. If we hit a problem, we can give him a call over the comm system."

The tattoo wrinkled on his forehead. This was not the same B'Elanna he'd just seen moments earlier in the briefing. Something upsetting had happened between the Bridge and Engineering to distract the infamous perfectionist. "Is there something on your mind, Torres?"

"Such as?" She reached for the pile of reserve data padds she always kept at each computer terminal, but wasn't paying enough attention and dropped it to the deck. "Damn." She bent down to retrieve it, then smacked her head on the bottom of the console. "Damn!" she said again.

"B'Elanna -"

She pulled away from the console, then stood up, glowering, rubbing her head. "What!"

Chakotay held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. "Calm down, before you do permanent damage to the ship."

She grimaced, then tossed the padd onto the panel and pulled a chair over from another console. "I'm fine. I promise not to do anything rash. Let's just get to work."

Chakotay considered pushing the subject, then decided to let it slide. B'Elanna had her ways of working through personal problems, and having somebody poke at her wasn't always a way to facilitate the outcome. At least, not a pleasant one. "All right."

They worked in silence, Chakotay occasionally pointing out new commands and possibilities while Torres occasionally grunted her assent to his ideas. Twenty minutes passed quietly.

Then, without looking up, B'Elanna said, "So, how goes it?"

Chakotay paused to hide his grin. Apparently she had managed to work beyond her previously foul mood. "Good. As the Captain said, things are running amazingly well."

"And you? I haven't seen much of you lately."

"I haven't been anywhere special, B'Elanna."

"I guess I've just been busy with my own things. What's been happening?"

Puzzled, he sat back to take another look at her. He'd known B'Elanna a long time, and not once had he heard her indulge in social chitchat. Maybe she hadn't put aside her mood at all. Maybe she was just digging from a different angle. Humoring her, he said, "I finished a new carving the other day. Would you like to see it?"

She did look at him this time. "I'd like that. I always like your carvings. I'll come by some time today. If I'm real lucky, this one will be for me."

"Is that supposed to be a hint?"

"A big one. Feel free to take it."

"That's what I like about you, Torres; you certainly speak your mind." He smiled again and pushed a button.

B'Elanna continued. "Tom said he saw you and the Captain in the kitchen yesterday. Feeling the need to do a little cooking?"

"I haven't had many chances to cook lately. It was fun, and besides, I was hungry."

B'Elanna barked a short laugh. "What's wrong, isn't Neelix feeding you enough?"

"No," Chakotay chuckled. "That's not the problem." He paused, a padd in his hand, his finger poised over the controls. "Cooking is just a way to unwind and still have something to show for my time."

"Ah." Torres nodded, played with the panel for a few seconds, then very nonchalantly said, "I didn't think the Captain knew how to cook."

Now it was Chakotay's turn to snort a laugh. "Kathryn doesn't cook - she gets in the way when I cook."

"Kathryn?"

The word was spoken quietly, and Chakotay's personal alarms buzzed silently in his head. He looked up to find Torres gazing at him, a half puzzled, half-accusing look on her face.

"Drat," he muttered when he realized what he'd said to cause the Klingon to wear such an unusual expression. He shook his head in apology. "Do me a favor and don't tell her I said that. She threatened due punishment if I ever let it slip." He glanced around. "Though I'm not on the Bridge, I suppose being on duty still counts."

The expression had gone from puzzled accusation to angry astonishment. "Punishment?"

"Something about the waste receptacles. It sounded extremely uncomfortable at the time, and I prefer not to test her promises too far."

Torres dropped her padd on the console and put her hands on her hips. "Are you making this up, Chakotay? Captain Janeway would never do something like that!"

Another mood swing from the Lieutenant. The chitchat was quickly descending into something far more incomprehensible. Chakotay carefully placed his padd next to B'Elanna's so he could give his entire attention to his friend. He began gently. "B'Elanna, a minute ago you were unhappy when I accidentally called her Kathryn. Now you're defending her and calling me a liar. What's going on?"

Torres sank back in her chair. A sulk defined her features, and she looked away. He waited. She ran her fingers over the console's edge, and he waited some more. Finally she couldn't stand the silence and his probing gaze. Hesitantly she asked, "Can I ask you... Uh, do you promise not to eat me alive if...."

"Torres, ask."

She jerked up straight in her seat. "It's just this relationship thing... I mean, I don't want to see you get hurt." She quickly grabbed her padd and began pounding commands into its tiny panel.

She means the way it was with Seska, he realized. Briefly he wondered if he would ever get passed that one disappointment in his life and be able to look on it without feeling like an idiot. At the same time, he knew that there were no grounds for comparing his affair with Seska to how he felt for Kathryn. He calmly reached out to stop her hand's frantic motions. "You're worried about me, as a friend worries over a friend. I'm honored that you care so deeply. But I can honestly say that there is no cause for concern. This time it's very different."

Torres lifted one eyebrow. "Different? How can it be any different? How can you be sure?"

"B'Elanna, have you ever heard the saying that you'll know when it's love, but you won't know when it isn't?"

She nodded suspiciously, not knowing what he was trying to say. "Yes."

Chakotay breathed a quiet sigh. "Whoever first made that observation must have been very wise. It took me years and many mistakes to understand the difference between love and infatuation. Now I finally know."

"But -"

"B'Elanna, I love Kathryn. That's why it's different. Seska was an affair; Kathryn's my life."

B'Elanna considered this for a moment. She studied him and he let her. One glance told her he was absolutely sincere. Chakotay always had worn his emotions on his face, and judging by his expression, he was positively impassioned. Once again she grew uncomfortable with all the open feelings being passed around and she had to look away. At last she asked, "What about the Captain? Does she feel the same?"

Chakotay's lips lifted in a half grin. "Would we even be having this conversation if she didn't?"

Torres grimaced. "No, I don't suppose we would." She reached for her data padd, but only played with it in her hands.

Chakotay retrieved his padd as well. "Feel better?"

She hesitantly glanced at him. "I do, I guess. And Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. Thanks for letting me ask."

He grinned. "No problem. That's what friends are for."

Torres sighed quietly. "Now at least we should be able to get some work done. What a relief."

Chakotay nodded. His attention turned once more to their assignment, but he watched her discreetly out of the corners of his eyes. When he was certain she had moved back to Harry's calculations, he spoke. "Now, what's this I hear about you and Tom Paris?"

She dropped her padd again on the console. "Chakotay!" she bellowed in aggravation.

Chakotay laughed.

* * *

Captain Janeway paused in front of the conference room's replicator. "Would you like something, Harry?"

Harry Kim tore his attention from the wall computer console long enough to consider her offer. "Yes, actually, Batrarian tea would be nice."

Janeway's brow lifted at his choice. "Batrarian tea. Very elegant. I've never tried it."

"I find it soothing when I work; it helps me think. Believe it or not, Neelix got me hooked on it. He drinks it all the time."

That doesn't encourage me to try it, came unbidden to her mind, and she clamped her teeth shut to keep the comment to herself. If Harry liked it, that was no business of hers. She faced the replicator and made her order.

"Thank you, Captain." Harry took a sip of the tea steaming in his mug, savored the taste for a moment, then set the drink on the table before turning back to the computer.

Janeway took a drink of her coffee while watching Harry. "It's good to see somebody besides me enjoying a beverage so much. I'll have to drink with you more often, Ensign."

Kim smiled. "Call me anytime, Captain."

She smiled back. "Well, let's see what you've set up so far." She cradled her glass in her hands as Kim went over the progress he'd made on the conduit reconfigurations. She nodded, pleased. "Very nice, Mr. Kim. Go ahead and start generating the new matrices. I'll try my hand at extrapolating the possible energy gains we can anticipate if Tuvok's theory works."

A silence descended on the room. It was so quiet that Janeway could hear her own breathing under the beeping of the computer. The conference room was so removed from the working areas of the ship, even the Bridge, that a heavy, dull feeling frequently pervaded it. She fancied it was even a little colder without any other people sitting around the table to add body heat. For solitary work she certainly preferred her ready room, but she didn't have a wall panel with the appropriate relays there.

Harry finished a formula and stepped back while he waited for the computer to do the calculations. He reached for his tea, and noticed that the Captain was also at a break in her work. He said, "Did you have fun cooking yesterday, Captain?"

After a swift drink of coffee, she gave him a mild grimace. "Well, we cooked. I'm not sure about the fun part, but the kitchen is still intact, so I guess I can say it was a positive experience."

Harry laughingly protested, "But it looked like you were having such a good time. What happened?"

"Oh, it's difficult to recall all the details..." Janeway licked her lips to give herself time to remember. "First, I let the vegetables boil over. While I was cleaning that up, my rag caught on fire from Neelix's jury-rigged stove. Without thinking, I threw the burning rag into the pot, which put the fire out before the ship's automatic safety systems activated, but it didn't do much for the vegetables. While Chakotay finished mixing the olisha glaze - or whatever that stuff is called - I cut up more vegetables, then accidentally dumped them into the pot where he'd just started cooking the hair pasta. I fished the vegetables out, taking as much of the pasta as the vegetables, and as I was preparing to clean up my second mess by stacking the cutting boards on top of another one of Neelix's famous heat burners. Chakotay told me to stop and sit down in the far corner before I did any more damage." She looked at him. "That about sums it up."

Harry stared at her in amazement. "Wow."

"Yes, it was an adventure, I'll say that much. You should thank the Commander the next time you see him; he surely saved the ship from certain disaster." She let out a deep sigh and gave a bewildered shake of her head. "I tried, Harry, I really did. I don't know what it is, but every time I enter a kitchen, something comes over me and the next thing I know, I'm waving burning rags around like a performer at a pyrotechnics display." She laughed softly. "Maybe it goes back to my mother cooking real food instead of using the replicator like everybody else's mother. I was so embarrassed my entire childhood that now I can't even go near a kitchen. It's my retribution for being such an awful, ungrateful child."

Harry gave her an uncertain look. "I don't think I even want to touch on this one."

Captain Janeway laughed at his discomfort and patted his shoulder. "It's all right, Harry. We all have our talents, and should know when to bow out. It's my stubbornness that gets me into trouble so often."

But Harry wasn't so willing to buy Janeway's excuses. He continued to protest, "Don't be too hard on yourself, Captain. You just wanted to do something with the Commander. I bet you had at least a little bit of fun, even if you were in the kitchen."

Janeway paused. A small, secret smile lifted her lips; it had been fun. Even when Chakotay looked like he was ready to bodily pick her up and remove her from the room, they'd laughed and talked and touched. And she so loved being with him... once the chasm between them had been closed, she couldn't get her fill of him. "It's odd to think that doing something I dread was still a good experience. Of course, eating the food was even more fun than preparing it." She noticed suddenly the computer was blinking at her, silently revealing that she could continue her work. She turned back to the panel, and Harry did the same, but she went on, "You should have stayed in the mess hall. He made plenty of food, and Chakotay's an excellent cook, despite my rotten assistance. We would have gladly shared."

Harry smiled his thanks at the invitation. "I would have liked to stay, but Susan was coming off duty and Tom was getting bored with our game of checkers. He doesn't like to lose."

She glanced at him in speculation. "Susan?"

Harry Kim blushed. His grin widened. "Susan Nicoletti."

"Really?" she blurted. When had this happened? Janeway had always thought that Harry planned to be loyal to his fiancé‚ Libby until his dying day. Had she been so engrossed in her own personal life that she missed something as revolutionary as this? "What? How?" Still so surprised, she was unable to formulate a coherent question.

"About three months ago. It's not even news anymore.

"Three months!" What had she been doing all this time? "How could I be so oblivious for so long?"

Kim's smile turned conspiratorial. "You've been a little busy yourself lately," he pointed out.

That was becoming painfully obvious. "I guess I have," she conceded; it wouldn't do for the Captain to admit to complete preoccupation. "Well, my congratulations, Ensign."

"Thank you, Captain."

"How is it going?"

"Very well, actually." He took a long drink of tea while collecting his thoughts. Then he admitted, "It was hard at first. I kept feeling like I was cheating on Libby... which is stupid, I know!"

Janeway shook her head in sincere sympathy. "It's not stupid at all, Harry. Cutting those last familial ties with home is probably the most difficult act any of us will have to do in this quadrant. It's not to be undertaken lightly. I know my own decision was not an easy one."

"What did you do about it? I mean," he quickly added, "how did you handle it?"

She considered. "I lost a lot of sleep."

"I bet! But then, you have more things to consider than I do. I'm just an Ensign. But I'm glad I finally convinced myself that it was worth the risk to get involved with someone again. I missed that feeling of belonging, the excitement of starting something new, the...." His words grew slower and less confident until finally he stopped to gaze at the floor. With a brow wrinkled in deep thought, he heaved a short breath, then lifted his eyes to stare at her.

Concerned, Janeway stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "What is it, Harry?"

Slowly he started to explain, "That's not exactly the truth. Well, it is, but it's not the important part -" He chewed on his lip for a minute. "I guess what I missed most was being special to someone. It had been so long that I'd forgotten what it felt like...." His voice trailed off and he could only gaze at her.

"I know, Harry." Janeway nodded twice. "I know exactly what you mean. Surrounded by people, friends even, yet feeling so alone." She took a deep breath, her gaze turned inward now, focused on her own predicament. "That kind of pressure is perhaps more debilitating than any other danger we might face here. How we handle it will define the community we create on Voyager." She hooked her hands around her elbows, and it was her turn to lock her gaze on the floor. "I want our life here to be a good one... but it's so hard to make that last necessary leap from what is already a good life, albeit one empty of affection, to one more risky but ultimately more fulfilling."

"It's the scariest thing I've done yet," Harry reported. "I'm a lot happier now, and I'm glad it worked out."

Pulled from her ruminations, she smiled softly. "I'm glad too, Harry. For your sake."

"I'm also glad that first date is over!" Harry smiled to share his relief.

"Me too!" she agreed emphatically, and they laughed together, dispelling their uncertainties.

Harry felt so relieved that he went on to say, "You know, it's just as good to see you and the Commander getting along so well. Happiness likes to share." He ducked his head sheepishly. "At least, that's what my mom always said. All I know is it sure helps the rest of the crew to see somebody enjoying themselves as much as you do."

Janeway had wondered how much her relationship with Chakotay affected the general morale of the crew. She'd always suspected that it certainly wouldn't do any harm, but she was relieved to have her suspicions confirmed by a member of that crew. "Thank you, Harry. You don't know what it means to me to hear that."

"I'm glad you're happy, Captain," Harry stated simply.

The Captain smiled. "I am happy. In many ways, I've been very lucky onboard Voyager. I have an invigorating command, a good ship, an exceptional crew, I'm in love... and I like it!"

Torres to Kim.

The comm summons took them both by surprise, and they jumped. Harry managed to collect himself enough to answer. "Kim here." 

We finished with the initial information you sent. Do you have the new matrices generated yet? What are you two doing up there? We've been waiting for about ten minutes.

"Uh..," Harry stuttered with a guilty glance at the Captain. Janeway did her best not to laugh. Harry gathered his wits and in a crisp, authoritative voice, said, "We've hit a problem with one of the computations. We'll have that information to you as soon as we can."

Well, make it fast; we'll be ready. Torres out.

Janeway's eyebrows were touching her hairline. "I think that was a hint to get moving. Ms. Torres was never subtle at hints." She gave him a meaningful look, then once again faced the computer.

"She speaks her mind, that's for sure," Harry agreed wryly. "If we don't do this fast enough, she'll certainly let us know about it. She might even threaten to come up and do it for us. And she likes us."

"Lucky for us she's on our side," commented the Captain in humorous overtones, and both officers smiled as they turned back to their work.

Chapter 5
Physical Connections

Kathryn wandered slowly down the corridor, deep in thought. Her talk with Harry earlier that day had made her stop to think about a great many things. She found herself concentrating mostly on relationships, primarily the ones she enjoyed: relationships between herself and the crew as a whole, as well as individual members of that crew - the senior staff, Kes, Chakotay, Tom Paris, the doctor, Tuvok, Cat, Samantha Wildman... there were dozens of them. They were all different, although she was a common factor in each relationship. She hadn't realized how many ties she was forming in the Delta Quadrant until she stopped to think about it. All this time she'd had the erroneous impression that she was holding herself back, keeping a bit aloof of the crew so she could maintain the essential distance that commanding a starship required. She'd been fooling only herself. She was glad that Harry had helped her to understand that.

Now that she realized that she was perfectly capable of being a Captain and having relationships with her crew, many of them on a personal level, she had inevitably turned her thoughts to another related topic. More and more often, she found herself wanting to have a child. She felt foolish denying the draw that she harbored towards Cat, and Lieutenant Bartlow's pregnancy positively fascinated her. She wouldn't mind experiencing the love of a child full time, not just in bits and pieces or when time was available the way she did with Cat. She knew that as Captain, these desires were selfish, but she refused to ignore them any longer.

Of course, having a baby would create a far bigger upheaval to the ship than the arrival of Cat Wildman. Though the product was the same, a pregnant Ensign was different than a pregnant Captain. She knew she could count on Chakotay and Tuvok if it ever came to temporarily handing over command of the ship, but she didn't want to have to do that. She liked being in control. Yet she realized that she would not even have control of her body let alone the ship if she ever decided to carry a baby to full term. At the same time, she saw the way the entire crew grouped around Cat the minute she entered a room, how they all wanted to be part of the little girl's life. As Humans, they all needed something to love and to love them in return, and a baby was pretty much unconditional affection. Having children certainly had its advantages.

It was all so confusing. She felt as upside down as she had when she first contemplated entering a relationship with Chakotay. She had argued with herself for weeks, going back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, losing sleep, and giving herself headaches. She'd been an awful grouch. She didn't want to put anybody, most notably herself, through that kind of agony again, but she couldn't lightly dismiss this, either....

Just shut up and go to Sickbay, she ordered herself, tired of the arguing already. At least with this particular debate, she could get outside help without completely revealing her true motives. She more than anybody else understood what the strains of being in command could do to a body - it was possible, though unlikely, she admitted, that she could not even have a child at this point. That would make her decision much easier.

As fate would have it, the minute the doors to Sickbay slid aside, her gaze landed right on the rounded form of Mariposa Bartlow. The Lieutenant was struggling to sit up after an exam, and Kes was giving her a hand.

"I can't believe how my balance is affected already!" the Lieutenant exclaimed. "I'm just barely showing and I have trouble sitting up. What's it going to be like in a few weeks when I get really big?"

The doctor stood behind her, his genial smile in place. "I predict that you will never become terribly 'big' as you put it; the females of your species do not tend to carry their babies as far forward as Humans. You're quite advanced enough in your pregnancy to be loosing your balance, as well as experiencing moments of discomfort. It's only natural. If you have any problems with these symptoms, feel free to contact me or Kes and we'll take care of you in a jiffy."

Bartlow glanced at him, her deep auburn hair brushing her shoulders. "Jiffy?" she questioned.

"Yes." The doctor tilted his head to the side. "I've been brushing up on the current slang phrases being utilized by the crew. I heard this particular word just yesterday on Briefing With Neelix. But this is the first opportunity I've had to use it."

"Well, congratulations, Doctor," she replied in amusement. "I'll keep my ears open for any more slang and pass it your way the next time I come in."

"I would appreciate that!" beamed the doctor. "Now, please see Kes about setting up your next appointment." He turned then. "Ah, Captain. You're right on time. As you can see, I've just finished with the Lieutenant. What can I do for you today?"

Janeway waved a hand in his direction, but her attention was trained on Bartlow. Her idiotic grin was in place, just as it always was when she spent time with Cat. "There's no hurry, Doctor. Please, take your time."

"Oh!" Bartlow suddenly exclaimed, and her hand went to her stomach as she grinned widely. "It kicked. I felt it kick, good and hard!"

"Of course," the doctor intoned, his geniality replaced now with irritation at the Captain's apparent brush-off. "That's one of those natural symptoms I was talking about earlier. It happens to every expectant mother." Didn't you know that implied his tone.

But Bartlow was too excited to be put off by the doctor's manner. "Come here!" she commanded and grabbed his hand. "Maybe it'll do it again. Come here, Captain, give me your hand. Kes...." She placed her hand amidst the others touching her belly, and the four of them waited, breathless, expectation lighting their faces.

Just as the waiting period moved into the realm of wasting time and the doctor's features began to sour, the baby kicked again.

"My goodness!" the doctor yelled, snatching his hand away. He stared at his hand, then quickly composed himself. "Well, that was certainly... stimulating. I had no idea... I mean, I never expected...."

Kes interrupted. "I think what the doctor is trying to say is the baby seems so much more real when we can feel it kicking than when it's just an image on the computer monitor."

"Yes, that's it!" the doctor agreed. He turned to Bartlow, his expression contrite and excited at the same time. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

She nodded and grinned as he moved away, still staring at his hand, then looked at the Captain. Janeway's hand continued to touch her stomach, and the baby moved once more, a tiny ripple that passed along the muscles of the abdomen.

The Captain breathed in wonderment. "That's amazing!" she whispered.

"Isn't it?" giggled Lieutenant Bartlow. "When I was thinking of having a baby, I had no idea it would be this intimate or this interesting. Reading the textbooks just didn't prepare me for the real thing."

Thoughtful again, Kathryn pulled her hand away. "Are you happy with your decision, Marii? Did you do the right thing?"

Bartlow nodded. "I know I did. And the doctor says I'm fine and so is the baby. He keeps such a close eye on me it's a wonder I get any work done at all!"

"That's good - I wouldn't want anything to happen at this point."

Bartlow straightened her uniform jacket over her growing belly, then patted her stomach again. "I'll tell you, though, Captain, I don't think I would even have considered it if it hadn't been for Samantha Wildman."

Janeway had been about to turn away and head for the doctor's office, but the statement piqued her curiosity. "Oh? Why's that?"

"I was more concerned about raising this baby than having it. But Samantha told me that's the easy part. I guess there's some Katarian legend about it taking a whole colony to raise a kid... something like that anyway... Well, she told me the story, then explained how everybody on the ship helps to take care of Cat.... Oh, I heard about your tour in Engineering, by the way. Wish I'd been there! I would love to have heard Lieutenant Torres growling to a two year old!"

"It was an amusing sight, I'll give you that." Janeway laughed. "Two growling girls, surrounded by a bunch of engineers. But I agree with Samantha; our child care system seems to be working remarkably well, though I never made the connection to that legend as Samantha did. I don't see why we can't implement the same for your baby."

"And any other baby that comes along," Bartlow added, a mischievous expression crossing her face. She patted Janeway's arm and with a grin said, "See you around the ship, Captain."

How did she know? Janeway wondered in surprise as she watched the Lieutenant leave Sickbay. The doors closed behind the figure, leaving her standing in the middle of the room, feeling foolish. She blinked rapidly several times to clear her thoughts, scratched her chin, then headed for the office, her mind playing with versions of the story the Ensign had mentioned. Even Chakotay had a version of that legend that he liked to tell. She wondered why she hadn't thought of it before.

Janeway found the doctor sitting behind his desk, his attention riveted to his computer. "Doctor," she said in way of greeting. "I thank you for seeing me so quickly."

He ignored her. She let it go, deciding he was simply paying her back for ignoring him earlier. Politics in space. Though he didn't glance up at her, he did speak. "Captain, I thought you might like to know that Lieutenant Bartlow's pregnancy is right on schedule and coming along just fine, despite the rather rocky beginning."

Janeway took the seat across from his desk. "I hadn't realized it was such a risk."

He gave a twist of his lips. "To be perfectly honest, I had my doubts as to the success of the initial insemination. If she had put off her decision for another few months, I would have been forced to deny her request, and her chances of conceiving naturally were already nonexistent. Her Rilerian genes certainly played havoc with her reproductive organs," he stated wryly.

How was she supposed to respond to that? "Doctor, I'm certain that your superior medical skills were a great help in the Lieutenant's case."

"Naturally. Now, what did you need from me today?"

She settled herself more securely in the chair, pushing into its padded back, and gripped the armrests. When she realized she must look like a cadet on her first launch, she forced a more relaxed attitude and managed to let go of the armrests. "Actually, my reasons for visiting are very similar to Lieutenant Bartlow's -"

The doctor was shocked. "Are you having troubles with your reproductive organs too?"

Janeway gaped at him. "No! Doctor, no, that's... that's not why I'm here."

"Well, that's a relief." He rocked back in his chair. "I don't think I could go through that again; the agony of waiting to see if my brilliance would be enough to triumph once more, or if nature would cruelly snatch the victory from my grasp."

The Captain had to blink again. "Doctor, have you been watching more of Neelix's broadcasts?"

"Oh yes! Does it show? Besides the slang, I'm working on my dramatic delivery. Do you think I'm improving?"

"Without a doubt."

"Good!" The doctor smiled broadly. "Neelix assured me the crew would appreciate a bit of medical drama. But enough of that... you haven't informed me of the reason for your visit. You don't appear to be sick."

"No, I'm fine. I'm searching for... some advice."

"Advice? Hmmm. I hope it's of a medical nature. I haven't yet completed the Starfleet computer course on coping with emotional trauma. Human emotions are fascinating, but, as Mr. Tuvok says, also very illogical. Take Mr. Neelix, for example...."

Becoming completely frustrated, Janeway didn't even bother to remind the doctor that Neelix was hardly Human. "Doctor," she interrupted, "I want a physical examination."

The doctor was clearly confused by this announcement. "You do?" She nodded. "Really?" She nodded again. "But this is so unprecedented. Usually I have to drag the crewmembers into Sickbay for their annual physicals, and you are no exception." He played with his computer as he spoke.

"I'm aware that my past attitude towards your required exams are far from exemplary...."

He stared at his computer. "And this is even more amazing: your regular exam was only seven months ago. It's not even time for your physical yet, Captain." He peered at her closely. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Doctor." Janeway leaned forward in her chair. She worked the fingers of her right hand into a fist and played her fingernails across her palm. "I need a physical, and your professional opinion, for a reason."

When she didn't go on, he prompted, "Which is?"

"I want to know if I'm physically capable of having a baby," she blurted.

He slumped into his chair like all the holographic wind had been knocked out of him. "Well, why didn't you just say so?" The doctor seemed unaware of the struggle she was going through just to voice her request. He briskly stood and gestured for her to follow. "Come with me."

He instructed her to lie down on a diagnostic bed. As he prepared the tricorder and panels, Kes looked around from an experiment of her own.

"Captain!" she exclaimed, immediately walking over to their corner of Sickbay when she saw Janeway stretched out on the table. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"No," the doctor informed nonchalantly. "The Captain simply wants to have a baby."

"That's not what I said!" Janeway argued instantly. Then under her breath she muttered, "It should be easier than this."

"But that's wonderful!" Kes gushed, turning her biggest grin on the reposing Captain. "You will make a wonderful mother. I've always thought so."

Janeway half sat up, but the doctor pushed her back down on the bed. "Kes, there's more to it than that." She grunted at the doctor's ministrations.

He ignored her displeasure. "Lie still, Captain, or the instruments won't take clear readings."

Janeway fumed, but allowed the doctor to complete his initial scans.

"Ah," he said.

He didn't elaborate. "What?" she asked.

He moved the tricorder slowly over her abdomen, then back again, then made a wide circle of her entire torso. He snapped the instrument shut and smiled. "You have a lovely tilt to your uterus. Would you like to see it?" He offered the tricorder.

Janeway briefly rubbed her forehead. She felt a headache coming on. "No, thank you, I'll just take your word for it."

"As you wish." His wrinkled brow indicated he didn't understand her reluctance. "You may sit up now."

She took Kes' offered hand and let the Ocampan help her sit up. A flick of her hand brushed her ponytail back over her shoulder. "That's it?"

"That's it. Unless you want me to administer a plethora of unnecessary tests.... No? Well, then I'm finished."

Janeway waited as he stared at her. "And?" she finally had to ask.

"Oh. You're perfectly healthy, Captain. It's my opinion that you can have as many children as you want for at least another decade. After that, you might need my superior medical intellect, but I'm sure I can come up with a suitable miracle if you were ever to need one. So go to it - reproduce to your heart's content." He paused, and a puzzled expression flitted across his face. "An odd expression. Very... emotional."

Janeway had to suppress a sudden desire to wring his holographically emotional neck.

Chapter 6
The Ultimate Intimate Interlude

Chakotay to Janeway.

"Janeway here." Kathryn glanced up from the data padd in her hand and smiled at the unseen voice. She hadn't seen him all day, not since the briefing that morning. It was stupid how hearing him over a comm channel sent a special jolt through her stomach, but it did, and she grinned wider.

Do you have a moment, Captain?

A typical request of a Captain from her First Officer. It was so mundane that so far nobody else on the ship had detected its hidden meaning. In fact, it was code for "I'm alone if you're alone. Let's get together." If either one of them was unavailable, the request would be taken simply as regular ship's business by any other crewmember present at the time, and they could try again later.

But at this time, the Captain was alone in her quarters, reviewing the snag they had hit on the nacelle conduit project. A glass mug of coffee, vital for inspiration, rested at her elbow. She needed to continue her work, but the thought of pursuing it in his presence was far more inviting than staying sequestered in her quarters by herself, coffee or no coffee. After spending so much off duty time with Chakotay, both working and relaxing, she wondered how she had ever withstood her past solitude and not lost her mind.

"That depends," she answered playfully. "What do you plan to do with my moment if I give it to you?"

He was suspiciously silent, and when he replied, she heard the restrained mischievousness in his voice. I can't answer that over a comm system; too dangerous. But come to my quarters and I'll give you a detailed report on the subject.

"I love detailed reports."

I know.

"There's one problem, though - I don't have my boots on."

That's not a problem - I love your feet.

"I know." She laughed. "I'll be right there. Janeway out."

Kathryn grabbed her mug of coffee with one hand, held the data padd in the other, then left her quarters. She padded down the corridor in her bootless feet, enjoying the feel of the soft carpet beneath her toes. She continued to study the padd and take sips of coffee at alternate intervals until she arrived at the Commander's cabin. She pushed the door chime with the edge of the padd, still reading.

"Come!"

The door swooshed aside and she entered, still reading. "Hi," she greeted without looking up. She held out the mug of coffee.

Chakotay was seated on the cabin's floor, surrounded by carving tools and chunks of wood. With barely a glance, he reached out to take the mug and sipped the hot liquid as he rearranged two pieces of wood that didn't quite fit together. "Thank you. So, what do you think?"

"About what?"

Chakotay stopped what he was doing and looked up. Kathryn was still standing in exactly the same place she'd paused at when she entered the room. He watched her push a few more ideas into her data padd, then pensively bite her cheek when she didn't get the results she expected.

A smile slowly crept across his features. She was so preoccupied that he could have stripped naked and done a belly dance and he didn't think she would notice. He briefly considered that action, but decided he preferred simply to look at her. Despite the fact that they spent so much of their time together, there really weren't many opportunities for them to simply wallow in being thrilled with each other. Chakotay indulged himself for as long as he could.

Kathryn was unaware of his scrutiny. Her attention was so completely absorbed in her mathematics dilemma that he stared at her unimpeded for a good five minutes. Though her hair was still in the ponytail she used to hold it back while on duty, at this late part of the day stray strands hung about her cheeks, getting in her way so that she had to brush them back in semiconscious irritation. Then she pulled the ponytail over her shoulder and curled the fingers of her left hand around it while her brow creased in total academic concentration. Her eyes lit up and she released her hair, only to bite her lip, then curled her toes into the carpet and punched more buttons on the padd. For all he knew, she'd forgotten he was in the room. But even when she was ignoring him in favor of her work, he thought she was beautiful. He sighed softly in something close to rapture.

She went through two more series of toe-curling hair-tugs. Then she suddenly jerked her head up, her concentration broken by a hidden trigger, and said, "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Chakotay chuckled. "Anybody ever tell you you're beautiful when you're thinking?"

Janeway waved her hand mockingly through the air. "Of course, all the time, but only when I'm thinking." Her gaze fell to the project he had spread out in front of him. The data padd fell to her side and she regarded him with a smile. "What are you building now?"

Chakotay turned back to the wood. "This is what I called you over to see. I wanted your opinion before I finished it."

Janeway slowly walked around the jumble of carved and whittled pieces, looking at it carefully. What appeared to a good sized rectangular box sat on the floor, surrounded by sticks, curved pieces, and attachments. It didn't look like much of anything to her. "It's too small to be a bathtub," she pointed out helpfully.

His eyes rose to glance at her in exasperation. "You already have a bathtub."

"I liked yours better," she quickly confided.

He laughed again, very lightly. "It wasn't the tub you liked so much, it was the company."

"Ah, that's right. I always did have a fondness for that little primate. I wonder what happened to it?"

"He's probably living in your bathtub even as we speak." He grinned up at her before turning back to the mysterious pile of wood. "Let me rearrange some pieces for you - it might help."

Her mind wandered back to her math problem, and she tried another theorem on the off chance it might solve the entire puzzle. It didn't. When she glanced up again, he was almost ready. But she didn't need any more clarification to know what the object was supposed to be. She drew in a soft breath and melted into a smile. "You're building a cradle."

He nodded. "For Marii Bartlow. How does it look so far?"

Kathryn knelt to run her fingers gently over the rough wood. He had finished the rockers and only had one more spindly leg to do. The actual cradle was a little smoother and he'd already started carving the headboard. Flowers and symbols decorated the wood, and where he hadn't carved yet were drawings of proposed designs. "Chakotay, it's beautiful. She'll love it," she predicted.

"I'll admit I was hoping you'd say that. I've never made anything this complex before - my confidence needed a good boosting."

"Well, no need to worry - it's perfect."

He grimaced. "I wouldn't go that far. The rockers aren't exactly even, and my original design was for all four legs to look alike."

She took a closer look at the legs in question. He was right, they were all shaped differently, with a lumpy roundness to each one. "I don't know, I think the differences give each leg its own personality. And it's definitely a unique gift."

"That's one way of saying it."

"Chakotay, I think it's wonderful. It will be a far better place for Marii to keep her baby than where Samantha had to keep Cat. We didn't have any child care facilities then."

"I figured that when this new baby outgrows the cradle, we can put it in storage until the next one comes along. It's pretty recyclable."

"Well, at least until we see how energetic this new child will be," she hedged. "Cat destroyed the first two beds Samantha devised for her."

"This is pretty hard wood; it will take a mighty strong baby to do too much damage."

She touched the wood again. "Where did you get it? We haven't stopped at any planets recently with hardwoods that I recall."

He retrieved a carving tool from the carpet and continued to work. "I've had it awhile," he confessed. "Way back when Henderson first announced she was pregnant, I gathered the wood from that deserted planet -"

"The one with those grape things.... Oh, Neelix was ecstatic. How could I ever forget."

"But then she miscarried. I didn't have the heart to finish it at the time." The tool was still pressed to the wood, but he was lost in the memory, and his work stopped.

Kathryn's brow creased in empathy. She moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, pressing her cheek to his. As Captain, she hadn't realized what effect Ensign Henderson's unfortunate miscarriage had on the crew. Like her, she thought everybody had mourned for a time, given the Ensign their support and condolences, and moved on. Now she saw that some things were never completely buried, especially not to people as emotionally vulnerable as Chakotay. He felt the loss of the baby as deeply as its parents. Even though time had passed, he still felt it. So, now she just held him, letting him know she understood.

At last he sighed, squeezed her arm, and she kissed his cheek. "Thanks," he said simply.

"You're welcome. And I don't think you have anything to worry about with Bartlow - I saw the doctor today and he said she was coming along fine. She's healthy, and in about two months, she'll have a healthy baby. Better hurry up with that cradle, Commander," she teased. "First baby's are unpredictable."

"Unpredictably late," he informed. He took another drink of coffee, then handed the mug to her. "What were you doing in Sickbay?"

She took a quick drink to cover the sudden apprehension that flooded through her. She hadn't been prepared to discuss that just yet. "I had my physical," she said easily, attempting to put him off. She took another drink of coffee.

"Oh. Is it that time of year already?"

She laughed and had to swallow fast. "It's getting there."

"I haven't heard anything yet. Maybe he'll forget about mine." He touched his carving tool to the wood again and went back to work.

Quietly Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief. That had been easier than she thought it would be. Much easier than actually going to Sickbay! She sat beside him on the floor, curled her feet under her, and was soon engrossed in matrices and formulas. She was going to solve this problem if it killed her.

They worked silently, Chakotay's scraping mixing with Kathryn's transcribing. Then suddenly, Chakotay spoke. "Kathryn, are you thinking about having a baby?"

His words had to penetrate a fog of academia. At first she wasn't quite sure if he'd actually said something or if her earlier apprehensions were taking over her mind and she'd just imagined it. One look at him and she knew she'd heard what she thought she'd heard. Bluffing wouldn't do her any good now, and she would not lie to him. She just wished she had a longer grace period to think over the doctor's advice; she wanted to be absolutely certain of her opinion before entering a discussion on such a delicate topic.

"How did you know?" she asked, vying for any amount of time now. She furiously tried to organize her thoughts while he answered.

"I have eyes and ears, Kathryn, and I pay attention. Remember, that's what I'm supposed to do - I'm your First Officer." He set his tools on the floor and turned to face her.

Well, there was no point in beating around the bush. She laid aside her data padd and rested her hands on her knees. "Honestly, Chakotay, yes, I've been thinking about it. A great deal, actually."

"Does that surprise you?"

She considered. "A little, perhaps. I guess it's been on my mind more since we heard about Lieutenant Bartlow."

"That makes sense." When she didn't pursue the subject, but sat mute beside him, he pressed. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Her Captain mode switched on, and she decided to ask, "Before I tell you my thoughts, what do you think? As," she held up a hand, and he paused, waiting. "As my First Officer."

Chakotay scowled, but complied, though he grumbled his answer. "As a First Officer aboard a starship, Captain, I would probably recommend that it's not a good idea. Being Captain is a full time job, and so is being a parent; it would be difficult to find the necessary balance between the two."

She nodded, and he could see that she had already considered these arguments. But before she could verbally agree with him, he continued. "As your First Officer aboard Voyager, my advice is a little different."

"Oh?" This addendum didn't surprise her either. She had a fairly good idea what he was going to say.

"Of course it is. Kathryn, our situation is so unlike any typical Starfleet cruise through the Alpha Quadrant that I would be remiss if I didn't take that into account."

"Remiss. You sound like Tuvok."

Now he grimaced. "Let me rephrase that...." She half smiled. "Negligent. I would be negligent in my duties if I didn't put all this on a less professional level. Nothing out here is black and white. We already have a young child on what was supposed to be a battle ship, and it's working out remarkably well."

"I would have to agree with that assessment. The crew seems to gain a lot of joy from Cat's presence."

"So do you." Chakotay grinned. "I saw you in the corridor the other night. It was quite informative."

"Are you aware that eavesdropping on the Captain is a third-degree misdemeanor in Starfleet?"

"If you don't want to be overheard, don't have private chats in the corridors."

She chuckled again. "All right, Chakotay, you've made your point."

He sobered and reached out to touch her, wanting a more intimate contact for this conversation. He found himself gently rubbing her leg through the black material of her uniform. "I'm glad you asked what I think, because as Captain, you can certainly do what you want. But I... hope... that you are able to let yourself be more than just a Captain. Or rather, that you let your life transcend your position." He stopped, working hard at choosing his words, trying not allow his own emotional investment in this issue to cloud his response. At last he opted for blunt honesty. "I think it would be completely acceptable for you to have a child. Or two, or ten, if you wanted. I just worry that you'll let the ship come between you and that possibility."

Kathryn wrinkled her brow and shrugged one shoulder. "That's always going to be a consideration for me, no matter what decision I'm trying to make; my personal life has to come second if I want to be a good commanding officer. But you know that."

He gave a curt nod. "I do."

"Oh, Chakotay...."

He interrupted. "I'm sorry, that's not the issue."

"What is the issue?"

"Well...." He looked at her, clearly undecided. He rubbed his tattoo, a gesture he often made when he was thinking. "I guess we've never really discussed this before."

"No, I guess we haven't." Kathryn was surprised.

"What is it? You look surprised."

She breathed a deep sigh. "I just never thought I'd be in a position where I could discuss it - to be Captain and have a family... it's not something I even considered before. It just wasn't an option if I wanted a command like Voyager."

"You mean a battle command?"

"Voyager was never meant to be a battle ship, Chakotay. It was designed primarily for exploration on the outer rim, for ferreting out those hard to reach places in the quadrant."

"For chasing down handsome Maquis commanders," he added.

"That too, only when it's necessary, of course." She grinned at his teasing, though she sobered again and went on, "But even a mission of exploration can become dangerous. It's not a life for families."

"How is it different now?"

She changed position, uncurling her legs while she thought. Her knee touched his, and she found the contact pleasantly familiar and somehow comforting. Finally she felt collected enough to say, "Keeping my career separate from my personal life, upholding that distance from the crew - it doesn't seem so important anymore. I guess I never thought I could have both... I mean, Phoebe had children, and we all just assumed that maybe someday I would be in a position to consider it... But before, it wasn't realistic, and now, I'm not sure what to think, though I love spending time with Cat, and it's very interesting to watch Marii...."

"Kathryn, I'm not quite following you."

"Do you want children, Chakotay?"

She always does that, he thought in amusement. The minute she needed to make a personal decision, she deferred voicing her thoughts until she'd heard his. He wondered if it was a remnant from being Captain, where her position required many different viewpoints in order to make fair judgments, or if she was simply afraid that putting her views first might leave her open to criticism. Either way, it was an interesting facet to Kathryn's personality.

Chakotay smiled. "I do want children someday. I think it would be fun, and it would certainly be a new challenge. But I would rather have you than have children."

"I wasn't aware that it was a choice."

"It's not. I'm saying that I'm happy with my life the way it is. I like being just the two of us for now. Additions are good, but not necessary."

She glanced at him uncertainly. "So you're saying that you don't want children now."

"That's what I'm saying."

Relief flooded her features and she seemed to wilt into the floor. "Good! Neither do I."

He was so stunned that he laughed out loud. "Kathryn, if you don't want children, then what are we talking about?"

Kathryn cocked her head towards him and considered what to tell him. It took her only seconds to decide she would much rather confess everything that had been on her mind than continue to fruitlessly stew about it on her own. "Would you like to hear the confessions of a very distracted starship Captain?" she asked, her voice full of mild embarrassment laced with humor.

"I'd love to," he answered, as she'd known he would. Then he added, "I like detailed reports as much as you do."

"I'll be sure to make it as complete as I can," she promised with a smile. Before she began, Kathryn scooted closer and leaned affectionately against his side, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder, feeling relaxed once again now that the topic she'd been avoiding had been broached. He shifted his weight to accommodate hers, and when they were comfortable, she told him everything: her selfish love for baby-sitting Cat, her complete fascination with Lieutenant Bartlow's pregnancy, the talk she and Harry had shared instead of creating the matrices for the conduit reconfiguration, visiting Sickbay that afternoon and the extraordinary experience with Bartlow. "It was amazing, Chakotay. I felt that tiny child move a hand or a foot all the way across my palm... Marii said being pregnant is the most intense and personal experience she's ever had, and I believe her. Just feeling the baby kick was enough to send chills up my spine. The doctor practically blew one of his generators."

Chakotay chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest to tickle her back. "The doctor isn't that surprised very often. I wish I'd been there to see it!"

"It was certainly worth seeing," she continued. Then she heaved a long sigh.

"But what?" he asked, anticipating her next thoughts.

She shrugged, her shoulder grazing his uniform. "Once the doctor announced that I'm perfectly capable of carrying a baby -"

He interrupted, "So that's what the Sickbay visit was all about."

She had the grace to admit her guilt. "Yes. I didn't mean to mislead you, but I wasn't sure I was ready to talk quite yet."

"No physicals. I'm glad about that."

"What's wrong? Are you worried?"

"No. It's just a shipwide tradition to loath the physicals. I want to uphold my part in the ship's culture."

Kathryn smiled. "The doctor was positively astonished when I made my request. It was the most cheerful physical I'll probably ever have. At least, it was cheerful on his part."

"I bet!"

"It was awful!" she exclaimed with a groan. "The doctor just stood there, enthusing over the beautiful tilt of my uterus, and Kes kept beaming that smile of hers and gushing about me being a good mother.... Stop laughing!"

Chakotay made an attempt to control himself, but he just shook harder in silent laughter. She poked him in the ribs with her elbow, to no effect. Finally he passed his hand across his face, chuckled some more, then blurted, "Now I really wish I'd been there!"

"Oh... stop it, Commander," she ordered helplessly, employing his title out of sheer embarrassment. She gave him one more hard poke in the ribs for good measure.

He gulped a breath, giggled once more, then calmed. "Aye, Captain," he said, then kissed the top of her head.

Her humor restored, she said, "That's better." For further insurance, he ducked his head and nuzzled her cheek with his. His skin was cool and smooth against hers. She couldn't withhold the instinctive grin that broke out. "This is better yet."

She felt him smile against her cheek, and then he lightly kissed her just below the ear. "What made you change your mind after your visit to Sickbay?" he asked gently.

"Well..." she hesitated. She'd had so many varied thoughts during the hours since leaving Sickbay that she wasn't sure which particular reason had influenced her the most. Finally she turned a degree to the side and lifted her face so she might see him. She said, "In retrospect, I'm not at all sure I'd like sharing you at this point, even with a child. Perhaps that's selfish," she admitted.

"Perhaps that's honest," he argued.

"Perhaps it's both," she agreed wryly, her half grin lifting one corner of her mouth. She patted his leg before going on, "And what you said earlier, about being happy with the way your life is going, is also true. I'm happy with my life, too. I mean, there we were, flying along unconcerned through the Delta Quadrant, and then you looked at me, I looked at you, one kiss later and suddenly I have a social life. I didn't even know you could have something like that and still be Captain of a starship." He laughed again, a soft vibration that wrapped her in gentle sound. Her grin widened in sheepish delight. She usually felt like a complete fool when she became emotional like this, but being emotional with Chakotay was an entirely different experience. It was cozy, and she inevitably learned something intriguing about herself. This case was no exception. "I'm glad to know that having children someday is an option. I think I might have been disappointed to discover it wasn't possible."

"Me too," he admitted thoughtfully.

"The doctor predicts we have at least a decade to play with," she told him. "And until we change our minds, we can just be... I don't know, surrogate parents to every child born on the ship."

Chakotay smiled down at her. "Surrogate parents? To every child?" She nodded. "Clearly you need to spend more time with Cat," he predicted.

Kathryn snorted. "I would love to, but Voyager keeps getting in the way." Then she glanced at him suspiciously. "Why do you say that?"

"Because. One full day of a little Katarian energy would probably take care of any paternal urges you might have for years to come."

"You're right - it might kill me. Maybe I was being too zealous."

He winked. "Maybe." Chakotay stood, then offered his hand to help her up. "So, no babies just yet."

She took his hand and he pulled her to her feet. "No, no babies."

"Well," Chakotay said, "another bridge crossed by Chakotay and Kathryn, and still no casualties. We have quite an impressive record. We should celebrate. Your physical is over, my cradle is almost finished, and life is good. Let's eat."

She laughed. "What, no more coffee?"

He wrinkled his nose. "Cold coffee; nothing tastes worse in the entire universe."

"Speak for yourself." She regarded him. "Are you really hungry?"

"Yes. How about exercising that social life you like? We can go to the mess hall. I think there's some leftovers in the kitchen."

She shook her head and backed away. "No, thank you, I've had my fill of the kitchen for the week. But," and she held up her finger, her expression becoming promising, "thanks to your culinary abilities, I do have plenty of replicator rations at my disposal. What would you like?"

He tilted his head to stare at the ceiling. "After that deep conversation, something truly decadent."

"Sweet?"

"Very."

"Milk chocolate layer cake with dark chocolate mousse filling, surrounded by chocolate raspberry liqueur. How does that sound?"

Chakotay gazed at her, paralyzed by the image. "Like it will give me a stomach ache that will last for days," he said when he'd found his voice.

She smiled. "Good. Walk this way." She led him over to the cabin's replicator.

He followed, intrigued. "Has the replicator been programmed to do this?"

"Funny you should ask, Commander. Did I ever tell you that I was voted Replicator Goddess by my class at the Academy?" Kathryn began typing commands into Chakotay's replicator panel.

"They voted you... what?"

"After I left home, I didn't touch real food for years. But each room was equipped with a replicator. I was in heaven. I may not be able to cook, but I sure can replicate!"

Chakotay stood behind her and watched as her fingers deftly reprogrammed his replicator. She pushed buttons, moved switches, and rerouted commands that he didn't even know existed. "This is impressive," he commented after several moments.

"It took years of practice to perfect my technique." She glanced at him coyly from the corners of her eyes, then laughed. "Actually, it's not that hard. But I think you'll like the end result. If only that conduit reconfiguration was this easy...." She pulled a panel free on the side of the replicator, knelt to make a slight adjustment, then replaced the panel and stepped back to voice her request. A second later a plate holding a large wedge of chocolate desert appeared. She presented it to Chakotay. "There you go. Tell me what you think."

He cautiously lifted the fork and took a bite. For a moment he just stood still, holding the desert on his tongue, an expression of bliss on his face. Then his mouth moved in small chewing motions, he swallowed, and licked his lips.

"Well?"

His eyebrows rose in appreciation. "Wow."

"You sound just like Harry. Is that a good wow or a bad wow?"

"Oh, good. Definitely good. Here, you try." He held out the fork with a generous bite. "Pure chocolate decadence. I love this."

She took the bite he offered and critically considered her creation. "Hmm. Needs more liqueur." Kathryn turned back to the replicator.

"More? Are you serious? I didn't think it could get any better than this."

"Oh, Commander," Kathryn sent him a lasciviously flirtatious look before she pulled off the replicator panel again. "I can always make it better."

His eyes opened wide, then an appreciative sigh escaped his lips. He set the plate aside and ruefully shook his head. "Kathryn Janeway, do you have any idea what you do to me?"

She paused, still kneeling on the floor beside the loosened panel. The innocent expression she'd plan to use to replace her flirtatious invitation melted before she could even employ it. He was looking at her like a lost puppy, every emotion he had in naked view on his face, and she couldn't resist him. She'd stopped trying to resist him a long time ago.

Kathryn rose to her feet and without a word crossed to stand close to him. She gently took his face in her hands, laying her palms flat against his smooth cheeks. Then standing on tiptoe, smiling softly, she rubbed his nose once before touching her lips to his.

One kiss. Companionship. Love. It all flowed together in a connection that was inevitably complete. Her kiss lingered as their arms wrapped securely around each other. Chakotay softly kissed her cheek, then her forehead, any remaining stress of command smoothing away under his affectionate caresses. Before they knew it, the mood changed and they were making love.

Until the more practical side of life asserted itself one minute later.

The door chimed.

Kathryn pulled back, sighed, and muttered, "Damn."

Chakotay smiled at her comment. He sighed too, then shrugged in good humor. "It's a good thing we don't want children - we'd never find enough time to -

"Oh, answer the door!" she laughed and, to cover her disappointment, playfully pushed him away.

"Careful," he said just as playfully as he disengaged himself from her embrace, "you might aggravate my rug burn." He grinned and rubbed his right elbow.

The door chimed again.

Her brows rose. "You have rug burn from last time? Why didn't you let the doctor -"

"Too many good memories," he explained and with one last kiss and a smile, turned to the door.

Kathryn had to work hard to conquer the sudden flush of color that threatened to creep up her neck. To save herself undue mortification, she hastily attempted to repair the damage he had caused her hair while retreating to her interrupted replicator duty.

He laughed. She was able to laugh with him. Chakotay happily grabbed the plate of desert, took another bite of chocolate cake, then called, "Come!"

The door slid aside, revealing the tall, striking figure of Ensign Henderson. "Commander, do you have a moment? I need to speak with you."

Chakotay gestured her forward. "Certainly, Ensign. Come on in."

She smiled and entered, letting the door slide shut behind her. Kathryn rose from the floor in front of the replicator, allowing the movement to draw attention to herself. She didn't want the Ensign to start right in on any topics that didn't need to reach the ears of the Captain. Kathryn had always been aware of her First Officer's unofficial role as ship's counselor even before she had entered a more personal relationship with him. She had no desire to intrude on such a conversation. "Good evening, Ensign."

Caught off guard, Henderson turned. "Oh, Captain! How lucky." Flustered, she looked from one to the other. "Or what I mean is, it's good that you're here too." She noticed the Captain's feet, or more accurately noticed the lack of apparel on her feet, and then her face took on the expression that Kathryn and Chakotay had learned to translate as Oh no, I've caught them together and they were busy doing possibly romantic things and now I don't know what to do! Henderson recovered faster than most. "Or am I interrupting something? What I have to say can wait," she squeaked.

Chakotay sent a quick, amused glance at Janeway, but shook his head at the uncomfortable Ensign. "No, you're not interrupting at all. Kathryn's rearranging my replicator so that it can make amazing deserts." He offered her the plate and at the same time sent another glance at Janeway, just to see how she was taking his use of her first name while neither of them were on the Bridge or on duty.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow at him, Vulcan style. The calculated gesture was a message that clearly stated, I'll get you for this. But she let it slide.

He decided she was taking it quite well, considering she'd had no prior warning to the event. He returned his attention to the Ensign. "She's quite good at it. Would you like to try some?" He offered the desert. Chocolate mouse had started to dribble down the side of the cake to swirl in lazy patterns with the raspberry liqueur, making the entire desert look even more enticing.

The Ensign glanced at the plate with a delighted smile, prepared to share in the Captain's replicating abilities. Then the smile disappeared. Suddenly Henderson blanched. Her smooth, brown skin grew mottled, and the blood visibly drained from her face. A second later, she had nearly turned green.

Chakotay made a grab for an arm to steady her, and Kathryn quickly crossed to the young woman's side. "Ensign, what's wrong?" she asked, the crisp authoritative tone of her captaincy once again in place.

Henderson took a deep breath, swallowed hard, turned a shade greener, then blurted, "I'm three months pregnant - Commander, permission to use your -"

"Uh, yes, yes, of course, go ahead!" Chakotay stammered in surprise, and flung his hand in the general direction of his quarter's facilities.

Henderson fled.

A second later, the unmistakable sound of someone violently purging their system reached their ears. Chakotay glanced at Kathryn. She looked back at him. Both wore wide-eyed, stunned expressions on their faces. The sounds continued.

Never, promised Kathryn.

Chakotay saw the look of sudden horror pass over her face and he made a guess as to what she was thinking. He set down the plate of desert and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He looked at her in companionable sympathy, though he couldn't quite keep the amusement out of his voice. "Well, Captain, you were saying that you wanted another baby on board. I think you might just get your wish after all."