"

Chakotay awoke slowly, dull pain all over his body. He turned to see her slumped over her console, apparently unconscious still. Leaning over, he gently shook her shoulders. "Captain? Kathryn, please wake up."

She moaned softly, painfully, causing him a sigh of relief, and tried to sit up. Her hand went to her throbbing forehead, came away sticky with blood. "What happened?"

"We crashed. I guess the ion storm was too strong." The words came slowly as his memory returned. "We were being buffeted about, power was failing. I vaguely remember hitting the wall. I must have been knocked unconscious. The next thing I remember is waking you just now."

Kathryn nodded slowly, pain forcing her blue-grey eyes shut. "I remember now. I tried to pilot us down to the surface again. I'll assume I was successful. Oh, my head hurts!"

Chakotay stood and retrieved the medikit. He quickly ran the tricorder over her head, then pressed the hypo to her neck. His dark eyes took in the sight of her relaxing as the medication began working. He smiled when she looked up at him for prognosis. "No major physical damage, no concussion, but you'll have a nice, tender goose egg for a while," he said, then sat calmly as she passed the tricorder over him.

Reading the results, she grimaced. "Sure. I do all the hard work to land this shuttle in one working piece, and I get a gash on my forehead and a horrendous headache. You get knocked unconscious and the worst of your injuries is a few bruises here and there. Next time I'm ordering you to pilot us down, Mister." She chuckled softly then, joined by Chakotay's light, rumbling laughter. Their initial anxiety lifted, replaced by an all-too-familiar comfort and attraction. Disconcerted, Kathryn returned to her console, tapping a few buttons. "It -- It seems the storm knocked out almost all of our power. We'll have just enough left to last us the rest of the day, maybe into tomorrow morning if we keep things at minimal levels."

"Voyager should be able to reach us by then," he replied, watching as she keyed in a message to the ship, set on auto-repeat. "I highly doubt this storm will last that long."

~~~~*~~~~ 

I highly doubt this storm will last that long.

The words rang in his ears, harshly repeating themselves over and over again. 

Good going, Big Man, he thought to himself. It's been almost eighteen hours with no contact from Voyager, and this storm's showing no signs of letting up. Now what are you gonna do?

A soft sigh from the other bunk forced Chakotay's attention from his self-berating for a moment. He gazed over at the sleeping woman, noted that she still shivered, despite the insulated blankets covering her. Making yet another sacrifice that she would later yell at him for, Chakotay stood and placed the last blanket on top of her, totaling six. The cold air struck him and he wanted desperately to crawl under those blankets with her, but he simply sat back on his bunk and watched her fitfully sleep.

It had gotten progressively colder as the time passed. Kathryn had decided to use as much power as possible to get their message to Voyager. As it was, communications and life support were the only systems still running, and barely running at that. If the storm didn't let up soon, they wouldn't have anything left to keep them warm until Voyager could get to them. 

Well, Big Man, now what? he asked himself again.

A sharp intake of breath woke Kathryn slightly. Huddling under the blankets, she murmured, "Turn the heat up and come back to bed. I'm freezing." Chakotay stared at her. Was she really talking to him? Or was she just dreaming? "Come on, Mark! This isn't funny!"

Chakotay sighed heavily as she burrowed under the blankets again. Dreaming of Mark again, are you, Kathryn? Just once I wish you'd dream of me that way. The thought came to the surface, unbidden. He stood and went to her side, ran the tricorder over her sleeping form. Her body temperature was still dropping, despite the extra blankets. Then he noticed the gash on her forehead had grown an ugly purple color against the unusually pale porcelain of her skin. He needed to do something to warm her up, or she'd end up in hypothermic shock. Sighing heavily again, he eased his large frame under the covers and against the shuttle wall, pulling her into a spoons position, his arms wrapped protectively around her. He would give her what warmth he could for as long as he could and pray that Voyager would rescue them.

Kathryn rolled over, curling into the warmth of his chest, and sighed contentedly. "Thank you, love," she murmured, falling deeper into sleep again. Chakotay just held her closer, shocked by the coolness of her skin, trying to infuse his own body heat into her smaller body. And he tried desperately to keep her alive, at all costs.

~~~~*~~~~

<Chakotay>

"Yes, Kathryn?" he murmured, pulling her closer.

<Chakotay>

This time, he noticed the familiar voice, realized it wasn't Kathryn speaking. Opening his eyes, he found himself staring into the golden eyes of his spirit guide. The she-wolf sat on the opposite bunk, gazing passively at him. He could feel Kathryn nestled close to him, but something felt wrong.

"What is it, old friend?" he asked softly, not wanting to wake Kathryn from her deep sleep.

<She is dying, Chakotay. Slowly freezing to death. You must do something to save her.>

"But what? I've already used all the thermal blankets and shared my own body heat with her. What else can I do?" But he already had an idea of what was going to be asked of him. "No, old friend, as much as I want to, I can't do that. She wouldn't approve."

<If it meant the difference between life and death, I don't think she would mind, Chakotay. But if you would rather keep your honor intact and let her die without truly knowing your feelings....>

"No!" Chakotay growled. "I don't want that. I just don't know..."

<Don't think, Chakotay. Just do it, or she will die.> And then, she was gone.

Chakotay looked down at Kathryn's sleeping face, knew the she-wolf was right. But how...? Finally, he decided to just do what he must and face the consequences later. "Kathryn? Kathryn, wake up." He gently shook her shoulders.

"Mmmm," she groaned, slowly opening her eyes to gaze into his. "'s cold, Chakotay."

"I know it is. We need to warm you up, Kathryn, you're beginning to go into hypothermic shock."

"Tired. Let me sleep," she murmured, closing her eyes.

"No! Kathryn, please stay awake."

"Why?"

"I need to keep you awake, so your concussion doesn't worsen," he lied.

"Said I didn't have one." And she snuggled in closer, her breath tickling his throat.

"I was wrong. Please, Kathryn, stay awake."

"No," she sighed. "Just want to sleep." And then she drifted off again.

"Kathryn?" No reply. "Kathryn?" This time, he added a shake of her shoulders. Still no reply. Grabbing for the tricorder, he quickly saw just how dangerously low her temperature was getting. He knew of only one way to get her blood circulating, to warm her up quickly. Taking a deep breath, he whispered in her ear, "Please forgive me for this, Kathryn, I'm only doing it to save your life."

And then he tipped her head up to face his, leaning down to press his lips to her soft, cold ones. She sighed softly, pulling closer to him, lips parting slightly. I'm going to end up in the brig for this.... He gently slid his tongue between her parted lips, coaxing hers into a little dance. He pulled her a little closer, hearing the blood rushing through his ears. They hadn't even done this on New Earth; what right did he have to do it now? The right to keep her alive, he thought to himself as he kissed her again, his love and passion for her pouring out into the kiss. As he kissed her, his hands traveled the contours of her body, rubbing to help the circulation flow. Circulation, my ass, Big Man, you just want to feel her body move beneath your hands.

Gently, he kissed a trail down to her ear, his hands beginning to unzip her jacket. His lips moved further down, along the curve of her throat to the tiny hollow at its base, as his hands slid under her tank top to her back, delicately freeing her breasts from the confining material surrounding them. A soft sigh and an arch of her back were Kathryn's responses to his large hands covering her breasts. He kissed her again, delighting in the sensation of her nipples stiffening beneath his callused palms. As his fingers began a little game of cat-and-mouse with her nipples, Kathryn's eyes fluttered open. She gazed deeply into his dark eyes for a moment, showing him feelings she hadn't even shown him on New Earth, then her eyes closed again. Whether by choice or not, Chakotay couldn't say, but he didn't care. She'd all but said, "Take me" with that look. As far as he was concerned, she'd given her permission for this to continue as he saw fit. And continue it he would.

Suddenly, he pulled back to stare down at her as she pulled her jacket, tank top, and bra off, exposing her pale chest and belly to him. He gazed at her face, but she wouldn't open her eyes, just reached blindly to pull his head to her chest. As his lips gently pressed to the hollow between her breasts, she sighed, softly murmured something, but he couldn't quite tell what it was. And when his lips sucked one of her taut nipples between them, he smiled at her gasp of delight. Chakotay took his time exploring each breast with his lips, teeth, and tongue, his hands lightly gripping her hips. And then she surprised him again by pushing one of his hands up to the waistband of her pants. He knew very well what she meant, but wanted to be sure she was serious about it.

"Kathryn?" he asked softly, forcing her to open her eyes to him again.

"Please?" was all she asked, closing her eyes yet again.

"As you wish, my love," he murmured, removing the pants and boots slowly. Then he stood and stared down at her, eyes taking in and memorizing every curve, every dimple on her nude body.

And her eyes opened again when he didn't immediately return to the bunk. "Chakotay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just admiring you. You're beautiful, Kathryn."

Her cheeks turned a delightful pink, such a wonderful contrast to her pale skin. "Chakotay, please? I'm cold and you're horridly overdressed."

Quickly, he shed his clothes and slid back under the covers to take her in his arms. His lips claimed hers again as she wrapped her arms and legs about his muscled back. He slid his large member into her slowly, not wanting to hurt her. Once hilted, he simply lay there, gazing down at her. She looked at him quizzically, then realized what his intentions were. Smiling her thanks, she began moving in a slow, gentle pattern that he soon picked up. Slowly, almost languidly, they made their way toward Nirvana, all the while gazing deeply into one another's eyes. And finally, joyfully, they climaxed together, holding tightly to each other before beginning that journey to Nirvana anew.

Nearly an hour later, lying there, blissfully exhausted but completely warmed up, Kathryn gently traced the tattoo on Chakotay's forehead with a delicate fingertip. She leaned up to kiss his lips and smiled. "Thank you."

"No, thank you." His tone was sincere, laden with such relief. Then she noticed the tear slipping down his cheek.

"For what?"

"Not dying on me."

She reached up and kissed the tear away, blinking away tears of her own. "Then let me thank you again, for saving my life," she murmured huskily, then yawned.

Chakotay chuckled softly. "Go to sleep, Kathryn. I think you'll be okay for a while now."

"Only if you promise to get some rest yourself, Chakotay."

He nodded, nuzzling at her throat as they fell asleep, tightly wrapped in each other's arms.

~~~~*~~~~

<Chakotay>

"Not now, old friend," he murmured, snuggling closer to Kathryn. Then he felt the chill of her body beneath him. She was colder now than before, and he could barely feel her chest rise with breathing. He opened his eyes to see the pallor had returned to her cheeks, her lips a pale blue color. "Kathryn? Kathryn, wake up!" He shook her shoulders, but she wouldn't respond. "Kathryn!" Too much time had passed while they slept. He doubted they had much life support left anymore.

<Chakotay>

"What?" He yelled, turning to see the she-wolf standing up, paws on the edge of the bunk. And on her shoulder sat a small salamander, Kathryn's spirit guide. This couldn't be good. He stared at the salamander. "Tell me she's okay," he pleaded.

<I cannot .. She is dying, Chakotay>

"No! I won't let her die! Kathryn, fight, dammit! Fight!" He beat his fists against the mattress on either side of her head.

<She has lost her will to fight. She believes you will both die, that Voyager will not arrive to save you in time, and so she has given up hope. You must bring her back, Chakotay, it is not yet her time>

<Nor is it yet the time for the child> the wolf added. <You must do what you can to restore her to life, Chakotay>

"Child? What child?"

<It is not yet their time, Chakotay. You must save Kathryn and the child>

"What child?" Chakotay bellowed, feeling sick at the knowledge that Kathryn didn't even move at the sound of his loud voice. She couldn't die, not now.

<Voyager is coming, but you must keep her alive until they arrive. She cannot die, Chakotay, she and the child must not die>

He stared at the salamander with disgust suddenly, and turned his eyes to gaze directly into those of his lifelong spirit guide. "What child, old friend? Please tell me what you are talking about?"

The wolf and salamander exchanged looks, as if communicating on some other plane. Then the wolf turned her eyes back to Chakotay. <She carries your child, my friend. You must save them, they cannot die>

Chakotay stared down at Kathryn's ashen face. His child? She carried his child? But how? They had only first made love a few hours ago... Already? Could he be that lucky? He wouldn't let her die now, not even if it meant sacrificing his own life. He would do whatever it took... but what should he do? Make love to her again? She looked far too fragile for that, and he wouldn't want to harm the child. Finally he looked back at the two animals again. "How?"

<Dress her. Wrap her in the blankets then hold her close> A different voice this time. He looked at the animal it came from: a small rabbit. B'Elanna's spirit guide. B'Elanna was coming. <Yes, Chakotay, B'Elanna comes. She will be here soon> came the reply as if it had read his mind.

Blinking back tears, Chakotay did as instructed. He noticed that it was harder to get the bra back onto Kathryn's limp body than it had been to remove, but he struggled as quickly as possible to redress her. Then he wrapped her in the blankets before quickly dressing himself. He no more than got her into his arms when the shuttle door opened to reveal B'Elanna Torres and Tom Paris standing there.

"Commander? Captain?"

"We're in here, B'Elanna," Chakotay said hoarsely. They came in to help get the two officers out. Tom tried to take Kathryn, but Chakotay held her firmly. "I'll carry her, Lieutenant."

Tom backed away without a fight, then he and B'Elanna helped support Chakotay back to the shuttle they'd come in. Out in the sunlight, Chakotay noticed the three spirit guides sitting just outside the other shuttle, joined by Tom's, as if guiding him onward. He got into the shuttle and set Kathryn down on the bunk B'Elanna quickly pulled down. Instead of lying on the other bunk, he wrapped his body around Kathryn's, holding her close, whispering encouragingly into her ear before he passed out from exhaustion and cold, completely ignoring the odd looks that passed between the Chief Helmsman and Chief Engineer.

~~~~*~~~~ 

**4 days later**

The sound of the door chime startled Chakotay out of a deep sleep. Two days earlier, he'd been ordered to quarters by the Doctor after having spent every free minute at Kathryn's bedside. She still hadn't come out of her hypothermia-induced coma, and he did everything he could to help her out of it. Groggily, he called out, "Who is it?"

"It's Kathryn, Chakotay. Can I come in?"

At the sound of her voice, he bolted up out of bed, running into the other room to activate the door himself. The doors parted, revealing the slight figure of his Kathryn standing there. Not caring if anyone saw, or if she cared, he pulled her into a fierce bearhug, holding her close as the door closed behind them. He just held her there, unwilling to let go of her. A long moment passed before he remembered that she might not feel as he did, and he reluctantly let go of her.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm just so glad to see you awake and about. When did you wake up? And when did they release you from Sickbay?"

"I woke up two days ago, and I was released just a few moments ago. Doc said I'm fine, though I'm to take it easy for a few days yet." She paused for a moment, eyes downcast. When she returned her gaze to him, there was something clouding the expressive blue-grey orbs. "We need to talk, Chakotay. Do you mind?" She inclined her head toward the couch.

"Of course not. Let me get my robe," he replied, backing into his bedroom, not willing to take his eyes from her. "Replicate some coffee if you'd like." He quickly found longer pants to wear, rather than his shorts, then slipped into his robe. Walking back into the living room, he saw Kathryn sit on the couch, a steaming mug in her hand, another mug on the table. He made his way to sit at the other end of the couch, keeping a respectable distance between them, for her sake. And then he smelled the contents of his mug. "Hot chocolate?"

"Doc said no coffee for a while. This is the next best thing."

They sat in silence for a long minute, both wanting to speak, but unsure of what to say. Finally, Chakotay spoke. "What did you want to talk about, Kathryn?"

"Doc said that you stayed with me constantly after we were rescued, that you only left when he ordered you to leave. I wanted to thank you for that, and for saving my life in the first place." Again that comfortable silence that she felt so uncomfortable in. She sighed and stared into her mug for a long moment.

Eventually Chakotay took the mug from her hands and set it on the table next to his. He tilted her head to gaze into her troubled eyes. "What is it, Kathryn? What's bothering you?"

She sighed explosively. "I don't want you to think me ungrateful, Chakotay, because I'm not. But, couldn't you have found a different way to keep me warm?"

Now it was his turn to look away. "What else was I supposed to do, Kathryn? You were freezing to death. I tried everything else, that was my last hope. I had six thermal blankets on you, held you close to share my body heat. Nothing helped, you just got colder and colder. I couldn't let you die, Kathryn. It was the only option I had left at the time." He grew silent for a moment, debating saying what was running through his mind. "Besides, you didn't exactly tell me to stop, did you?" There. He'd said it.

"I guess I deserved that," she said slowly. "Chakotay...."

"You know, we never really discussed what happened to us after New Earth, Kathryn." Now that he'd started, he might as well finish it.

"No, we haven't."

"We have both said and done things that most would construe as happening in a relationship. Yet we aren't in a relationship. What are we to do, Kathryn? I love you. You have to know that."

She nodded. "I do. And I care deeply for you--"

"But do you love me?" he demanded, turning liquid brown eyes on her wide blue-greys. "I know you care, Kathryn. What I want to know is if you love me?" She was silent now, and turned her face away from him again, but slow enough for him to see the pain in her eyes. Dammit, Big Man! You've screwed it up again! When will you ever learn to stop pushing her like that?

After what seemed an eternity of only the sound of their breathing, she finally turned to face him, eyes filled with tears. "I do love you, Chakotay. I can't deny it, and believe me, I've tried. But I'm afraid--"

"Whatever it is, we will face it together. We will take this as slowly as you need, Kathryn, as long as we do it together. I don't want to lose you, and you have no reason to fear me, my love, now or ever. I love you and I would never intentionally hurt you."

"I know," she whispered and gently kissed him. She pulled back from the kiss and let him pull her into his arms, holding her close. Kathryn readily leaned against him, ear pressed against his chest, his heartbeat in her ear.

Chakotay held her for a few moments like that, just reveling in her closeness. But he knew there was something they still needed to discuss. "Kathryn?" he asked softly.

"Yes, Chakotay?"

"There's something I failed to mention before. When I said I had no other options for warming you, I didn't tell you where I got the idea from." She turned to look up at him, waiting for his answer. "My spirit guide...."

She nodded. "I understand, Chakotay."

"No, I'm not finished yet. After we -- made love and fell asleep, I was awakened again some hours later by the she-wolf... and by your spirit guide. They told me you were even closer to freezing to death, that you'd given up hope of being rescued. I wasn't about to let you die, but I didn't know what else to do. You looked far too ill to make love again, and you wouldn't wake up, no matter how much I tried. Our guides told me that Voyager was coming to rescue us, that I just needed to keep you alive till then. They said it wasn't yet your time to die, yours or...."

"Or yours?" Kathryn said, believing she finished his thought. Surprise flitted across her face when he shook his head. "Or what then?"

"Not what. Who," he replied. At her confusion, he took a deep breath. "They informed me that you were pregnant, that it wasn't yet time for you or the child to die."

"Pregnant?" Kathryn asked softly, confused still. "But that's impossible. I haven't been with anyone in...." And then reality hit home. She blinked, swallowed audibly. "You mean? I'm carrying your child?" He nodded, fearful of her reaction. "Did Doc confirm it when you got me back to the ship?"

"I didn't think to ask him to do it. I didn't want to have to explain my reasons to him. All I cared about at the time was making sure you lived."

"Then I guess we make another trip to Sickbay?" The confusion hadn't left her eyes yet, was joined by fear... and joy.

"Kathryn, I was stunned when they informed me. All I could think of was keeping you alive. I don't know what to do about this, but I am willing to do whatever you feel is right. I have had the time to think about it since we returned to Voyager. A child would make it rather obvious what happened between us, that we have feelings for each other. I don't know how that will go over with the crew, or with you, for that matter, but I do know that I will abide by your wishes."

Kathryn stared at him for a long moment, then took a deep breath. "First off, let's see if our spirit guides were correct in assessing this pregnancy. No use counting our chickens before they hatch. And if this is true, we can decide what to do together."

"

"Captain? Commander? Is there a problem?"

The two officers glanced at each other before Kathryn spoke. "I need you to do another scan of me."

"May I ask why?" came the curious reply. "And what sort of scan? I just examined you not an hour ago and found you fit enough to be released from my Sickbay. And now you say you need another scan?"

Kathryn took a deep breath, quickly glanced at Chakotay for support. "I need for you to see if I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant? What do you mean? How far along do you think you are?"

A smiled tugged at the corners of her lips. "About four days."

"Four days? I see," Doc murmured, turning to find the equipment he needed. Suddenly, he spun around, confused. "Did you say four days?"

Kathryn nodded. "Please don't ask me how I know, Doc. It's hard to explain."

The EMH just shook his head, motioning for Kathryn to lie on the biobed. He saw Chakotay help her up, then move to stand at the head of the bed, a hand reaching out to rest on the woman's shoulder. "Commander, I'll have to ask you to leave."

"Chakotay stays," she said, though her voice wavered slightly.

The doctor just shrugged his shoulders and began his examination. After a few moments he put the instruments away, then turned to see Chakotay helping Kathryn sit up. "Congratulations, Captain. It appears you were right." He failed to see the smiles spreading on their faces, as he continued. "I will upload a list of vitamins and supplements to your terminal. Please start taking them immediately. And I would like to see you next week for your first prenatal examination."

Kathryn nodded absently, not hearing a word he'd said. "May we go now?"

Realizing she wasn't paying any attention to him, he sighed and motioned for the door. "Of course." He watched as Chakotay helped Kathryn off the biobed, then took her hand and led her out of Sickbay. Just as the doors closed, he watched the large man bend down to kiss his Captain.

"I take it this means you're happy I'm pregnant?" Kathryn asked softly, gazing up into the warm brown eyes. His reply was to kiss her again.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" came B'Elanna's startled reply as she rounded the corner, stumbling upon the kissing couple. "I didn't--"

"It's okay, B'Elanna," Chakotay said, smiling. "No one was hurt."

B'Elanna nervously looked away from the couple for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she finally said, "Listen, I didn't see anything, okay? I didn't run into you, I didn't see you kissing outside Sickbay. None of it. I'll leave you alone now." She started to walk away then, was stopped by Kathryn's hand on her arm.

'B'Elanna, would you join us in my quarters for a moment?" At the woman's nod, they went to the Captain's quarters. Once inside, Kathryn motioned for B'Elanna to join her on the couch as Chakotay made himself comfortable on the arm of the couch directly behind her. "I'm going to need your help with something. But first, I wanted to thank you for rescuing Chakotay and me when you did. Doc says I would have died if you and Tom hadn't shown up when you did."

"I was just doing my job, Captain," B'Elanna protested, unused to such heartfelt thanks.

"That may be, but I really do appreciate it, B'Elanna."

"Both of us do," Chakotay added.

B'Elanna watched as his hand went to rest on Kathryn's shoulders, almost possessively. Shaking her head slightly, she returned her gaze to the Captain's face. "You said you needed my help with something?"

Kathryn looked back at Chakotay, who nodded, smiling. Smiling herself, she said, "I'm going to need you to extend my replicator rations for a while."

"How long is a while?" came the reply, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"About nine months or so."

"Nine months? Wh--?" B'Elanna stared at the two of them, shock widening her eyes. "You mean? You two? A baby?"

Kathryn nodded, finally leaning back against Chakotay's side, his arms sliding around her shoulders. "We just found out when you ran into us."

"So the rumors are true?" she asked, then blushed deeply, realizing what she'd just said.

"And what rumors might those be, B'Elanna?" Chakotay asked lightly. Both he and Kathryn had heard of the various rumors about their relationship, especially since their time on New Earth, but had chosen to ignore them.

"That, um -- nothing, Commander. Forget I said anything," she said, quickly stood. "I'll do what I can about those rations, Captain. If you don't mind, I'll be leaving now."

"Hold it right there, Lieutenant." That command voice. It had always controlled her, even during their time in the Maquis. It was what made people listen to Chakotay and do as he wished. And that was what B'Elanna did, though she didn't face them. "What rumors, B'Ela?" he asked quietly, using her nickname.

Taking a deep breath, cursing Kahless for letting her run into the couple, she spoke. "Rumors have been flying for nearly three years now about the two of you secretly seeing each other. Do you know what news of this pregnancy will do?"

Kathryn swallowed hard. "Is the crew unhappy about this relationship, B'Elanna?"

The engineer snorted, turning to face them. "You're joking, right? You can't be serious? The only thing that upsets them is the fact that you keep denying what you so obviously want. When they hear about this pregnancy, they'll all be thrilled. And if anyone isn't... well, I'll convince them otherwise."

"B'Elanna...." 

Kahless, but she has that 'mother voice' down pat. "You don't understand, Captain, neither of you do."

"Why don't you explain it to us?" came the soft reply.

B'Elanna joined the couple on the couch, formulating her thoughts. "We all want to go home, for various personal reasons, but...."

"But?"

"I'll be honest with you, Captain. Most of us have accepted the fact that we probably won't be seeing home in our lifetimes, that we're stuck out here in the Delta Quadrant." She sighed at the look of pain crossing the Captain's face. "We're still doing everything we can to get home, but a lot of us would just as soon settle on some habitable planet and call it home."

"Why didn't anyone tell me any of this?" Kathryn asked, exasperated.

"We know how much it means to you to get us home," came the quietly honest reply, though it wasn't B'Elanna's voice.

Kathryn turned to face Chakotay. "You knew about this?"

"I've heard rumors of such talk, yes. I wasn't sure how to tell you."

"None of us were, Captain. But, I just thought you should know. Once news of your pregnancy is known, people may start to openly voice their feelings on this issue."

Kathryn nodded. "Thank you for informing me, B'Elanna. This is something I'm going to have to think about."

B'Elanna nodded, stood to leave again. "And, Captain? I just wanted you to know that I'm very happy for you and Chakotay. You couldn't have picked a better man to fall in love with or have a child with."

Kathryn blinked back tears of happiness. "Thank you, B'Elanna. That really means a lot to me."

B'Elanna smiled. "And I won't say anything about this unless you want me to," she added before leaving.

Kathryn stared at the door for a long minute, deep in thought. Chakotay watched her, wisely letting her to her thoughts, unsure of what else to do. The silence was finally shattered by a soft sob. Instantly, Chakotay slid down onto the couch, pulling Kathryn into his arms, holding her close as her tears soaked through his shirt.

"It's okay, my love," he murmured in her hair. "You're okay."

"Don't let go," she pleaded between sobs, clinging tighter to him.

"I won't, my Kathryn, I'm right here. Just cry and let it all out. I've got you," he murmured over and over again, gently rocking back and forth.

Gradually, her sobs ceased, replaced by soft whimpers, and finally there was silence. Chakotay didn't bother to look down at her, knew she'd cried herself to sleep.

~~~~*~~~~

Kathryn's eyes opened slowly, then blinked a couple of times. How did I end up in bed? And in my nightgown? Then she noticed the broad, firm chest beneath her cheek. And, more importantly, how did you get here? But she didn't dwell on that thought for long, choosing instead to get a better, closer look at the sleeping man next to her. Carefully, she shifted up onto her elbow, enabling her a perfect view of her.... First Officer? No, that didn't sound right. Lover? It was true, but not quite the right word. Soulmate? That felt right. Smiling contentedly, her eyes traveled over the length of his muscular frame. Then she started again at the top, taking a more languid trip along the contours of his body, this time with her fingertips as well.

Her fingers caressed the short, dark hair, sleep-tousled and soft as silk. The bronzed forehead warmed from extended sleep. Paid special attention to the curves and lines of his tattoo. Will our child wear one such as this? Her lips lightly brushed his eyelids, feather-soft kisses. Her fingers traced the bold lines of his cheekbones to his ears, then back along the strong jaw as she lightly brushed the soft full lips with her own.

Her hand traveled across his collarbones and down one strong, muscled arm as her lips left a trail of kisses down the side of his neck. She shifted slightly as her fingers grazed first one nipple, then the other, delighting in his soft moans of pleasure. She gazed up into his face for a moment, a gleam in her eye. Smiling, she leaned down and gently dragged her tongue across the closer nipple, eliciting another soft moan. She moved to do the same to his other nipple then.

"Turnabout deserves fair play, you know," came his husky whisper.

"Promise?" Kathryn replied throatily before flicking her tongue across that nipple.

"Kathryn," he groaned.

"Yes, my love?"

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Kathryn looked up into his eyes, smirking. "Why, Chakotay, are you playing shy and hard to get?"

He smiled in spite of himself. "No, I just want to make sure this is what you want."

"I assure you, Chakotay, it is." She kissed him softly. "I want to be able to enjoy it this time." At his startled, hurt look, she quickly added, "Not that I didn't enjoy it the first time. I just want to experience the joy of making love to you when the fate of my life isn't hanging in the balance."

Chakotay smiled and pulled her closer, atop him. She could feel his arousal through the thin silk of his boxers, and it made her smile. "What's that smile for, my lovely Kathryn?"

"Do you always wear silk boxers?"

"On my days off, yes. I try not to wear them on duty, as they tend to arouse me a little too easily."

"So I see," she teased, lightly brushing her thigh against his erection. She giggled at his sudden gasp, repeated the movement.

"Kathryn," he growled, arms tightening about her waist, "if you're not careful...."

"If I'm not careful what?" she teased, swiveling her hips so that his silk-clad erection was nestled between her thighs. "Will my angry warrior lose his cool?"

Involuntarily, he thrust against her, causing both to groan softly. "And would you be so upset if he did?"

Shaking her head, Kathryn whispered, "Not at all. In fact, I think I'd prefer if he did."

Her hand slid down between them then, gently slipped his erect member from its silk confinement. She lightly stroked him as he lifted her nightgown, offering them the freedom to do as their hearts and bodies wished. Kathryn sat up and positioned him, then slowly took him in, savoring the feeling of his hands on her hips, supporting her. She sat there for a long moment, perfectly still, enjoying the feel of him inside her.

Finally, Chakotay took the initiative again, thrusting carefully up into her. At her sharp intake of breath, he searched her eyes. "Did I hurt you? The baby?"

"No, love," she murmured. "Far from it." Then she gazed deeply into his eyes, passion smoldering in her grey-blues. "Now, my angry warrior, I want you to take me as an angry warrior would. I'm not near death, I'm not fragile, I won't break."

"But the baby...."

She sighed softly, clearly seeing the concern in his expressive eyes. "You won't hurt the baby, Chakotay. Just do this for me? Show me the passion that I know runs deep in your veins, the passion you're holding in right now. Don't hold back, Chakotay, I give myself freely into this."

~~~~*~~~~

Kathryn dreamt of lying on a deserted beach, drenched in sunlight and dozing peacefully. She was wakened by a small movement against her hand. Upon opening her eyes, she saw the small salamander sitting next to her and struggled to sit up. Curious as to why it was so hard to do such a simple task, she looked down to see her stomach large with pregnancy. Her hand went to rest on her stomach, and she noticed the gleam of a golden band on her finger.

"What is going on?"

<This is a glimpse into your future, Kathryn, if you choose it> came the soft reply. <Your destiny is linked with this warrior of yours. Do not allow fear of others' disapproval keep you from the one you love>

And then she saw him coming down the beach toward her, the one she loved more than anything. He came and knelt at her side, took her in his arms, and made tender love to her as the waves gently lapped at their bodies.

~~~~*~~~~

Some hours later, Kathryn woke up again, this time to the sound of soft murmuring in her ear. "Kathryn? Wake up, love. It's nearly 1900 hours, and we should get some food into you."

She rolled over, falling off his chest onto cold sheets. "I'd rather just stay here, cuddled up with you." And she did just that.

Chakotay chuckled. "I know you would, but that won't nourish the baby, nor will it get anything constructive accomplished."

"It got our baby conceived," she replied, looking up into his eyes. "I think that's pretty constructive. All right, I'll get up. Go see what Doc programmed for me to eat while I hop in the shower."

"What? I can't join you?"

"Not if you want to do something constructive," she shot back, making her way into the shower. Kathryn slipped into the hot water, sighed happily as it pelted down on her. She hadn't felt this wonderful in a long, long time. And then an idea popped into her head. Quickly, she washed, then dried off and wrapped herself in her robe. Padding out into the living room, she found a delicious Caesar salad and grape juice awaiting her. Her stomach growled, causing her to chuckle. "I guess you're hungry after all, eh, little one?" she asked, a hand resting on her still-flat belly.

"Come, Kathryn, and eat," Chakotay said softly. She sat at the table, quickly devouring her meal as Chakotay simply watched her. "Feel better now?" he asked when she drained the last of her juice.

"Much. Now, if you'll hop in the shower while I get dressed, there's something I want to do tonight."

"What's that, love?" Chakotay asked, then smiled brightly at her answer.

"I want to tell the crew about the baby."

~~~~*~~~~

Sandrine's was filled with the usual crowd doing the usual thing. Tom was hustling Harry into losing another game of pool and more replicator rations. B'Elanna was trying to get Tom to let her play for a while. Megan and Jenny Delaney were flirting with everyone. Well, everyone but Tom. They'd been politely warned against it by B'Elanna. Neelix had tried to teach Kes pool at another table, but he had no idea how to play in the first place, so they gave it up to mingle and chat with everyone. Tuvok and Doc were in the corner, just sitting there, occasionally discussing some vague esoteric topic. And Sandrine sat behind the bar, watching everyone.

So it was when Kathryn and Chakotay entered Holodeck 1. All conversation stopped as the couple entered the room. For some, it was the clothes they wore: Chakotay in his loose-fitting, charcoal grey trousers with a pale grey top, and Kathryn in a delicate peach shift, her hair falling about her shoulders in loose waves. For others, it was the simple fact that they walked in arm-in-arm, Kathryn's head resting against Chakotay's chest. Whatever the reason, everyone noticed the peaceful, comfortable air that surrounded the couple. They walked over to the table where Harry and B'Elanna sat, Tom standing between them. Chakotay pulled out the chair for Kathryn then sat himself as Sandrine glided over to them.

"Hello, Sandrine," Chakotay said, smiling. "Would you bring over a bottle of your best champagne? And make sure everyone else has a glass of champagne as well."

For once, the hologram didn't say anything, just wordlessly glided away to get what was asked for. The table was silent for a moment, then Tom broke the silence. "Champagne, Commander? What's the occasion?"

"You'll see in just a moment, Paris."

B'Elanna gazed at the couple for a moment, curiosity deepening the ridges in her forehead. "Is this what I--?"

"Be patient, B'Elanna," Kathryn replied, smiling.

Sandrine brought the bottle of champagne, then proceeded to supply everyone with a glass of the same. When she was done, Chakotay stood up. "Everyone, I would like your attention for a moment. I have a bit of an announcement to make."

"What? That you're gonna become the next Captain of Voyager?" Tom quipped.

"Careful, Mr. Paris," Kathryn replied, "or you may find yourself cleaning the hull with your toothbrush."

Tom smiled and gestured to Chakotay. "On with your announcement."

Chakotay took a deep breath, then spoke. "I know of the many rumors going around on this ship about a relationship between Captain Janeway and myself. I want to put an end to those rumors right here and now." He paused, pulling Kathryn up to stand with him, his arms going around her waist. He looked at her, then smiled when she nodded. "I would like you all to know that I love Kathryn very much, and that we are expecting our first child in just under nine months."

The room was silent for a few seconds, then erupted in loud shouts of approval. B'Elanna hugged Kathryn close followed quickly by Kes and every other woman present, while the men shook Chakotay's hand so much, he thought it would fall off. Kathryn cleared her throat, trying to speak, but no one heard her. Finally Tom yelled, "Shut up! The Captain wants to say something."

The room quieted again, and Kathryn's cheeks flushed slightly, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "I just wanted to say thank you for the support and approval you've just given us. It means a lot to me."

"

"I'm so glad everyone approves," Kathryn said softly, then snuggled closer to the warm chest under her cheek, tucking her legs up under her on the couch.

"You thought otherwise?" came the equally soft reply, followed by a soft kiss to the crown of her head. At her reluctant nod, he pulled her closer. "Even after what B'Elanna said?"

Kathryn sighed, stood. "Even after. Chakotay, this is all new to me."

"Me, too, love," he said, grabbing her hand, stopping her from walking away.

She turned, stared into his eyes for a long minute, saw into his very soul. Kneeling, she gently brushed her fingers across his tattoo, his lips, then sighed softly. "I know, but that's not what I meant." She looked away briefly. "I don't quite know how to say this."

Chakotay cupped her chin, brought her face back to stare deeply into her eyes. Whereas most people wore their hearts on their sleeves, his was plainly at home in those oh--so-expressive orbs. And he knew how Kathryn tended to compartmentalize her heart away, afraid to show her vulnerability. "What is it, Kathryn? You can tell me. There's nothing to fear."

Kathryn closed her eyes, unable to see his love for her emanating from his entire being. How could she explain her greatest fear to him? Finally, she whispered, "I never wanted to have children." The devastating silence that followed nearly killed her, but she was afraid to open her eyes, to face him. The silence was suffocating, and she felt the urge to say something. "I never thought--"

"Well, I'm sure you could find a way to conveniently miscarry the child." His words were heavily laced with anger and disgust. Abruptly, he stood, needing to get away from her.

"That's not what I meant," Chakotay," she replied indignantly, turning to face him again, though he wouldn't look at her.

"Your meaning doesn't matter anymore. This is your body, your decision. I told you before that I would follow your choices, and I will. Now, if you'll--"

"Chakotay, please! Let me explain."

"If you'll excuse me, Captain," he continued, as if she never spoke, "I have work to do." And with that, he calmly walked out of her quarters.

"Chakotay!" Kathryn cried as the door slid shut. She crumpled to the floor in tears. I never thought I'd want a child till now, she thought dismally, arms wrapped protectively about her stomach.

As soon as the door had closed behind him, the man turned and slammed his fist into the wall. Pain shot through his arm, bringing the tears. He stood there, cradling his bleeding hand, and cried. How could you do this, Kathryn? How could you condemn our child to death.

~~~~*~~~~

Some time later, Chakotay found himself at the door of B'Elanna's quarters. He rang the chime, sucking in his breath at the pain coursing through his veins. He cradled his arm closer, fighting back the tears. "Chakotay? What the hell happened to you?" he heard the Klingon say as she pulled him in. All he did was shrug his shoulders, then the tears began to fall and he dropped to his knees.

"She doesn't want..." He couldn't finish the thought.

"Doesn't want what? Who are you talking about?" she asked, kneeling next to him, an arm around his shoulders. "What's going on, Chakotay? Why aren't you with the Captain?"

"The Captain has other plans," he said bitterly. "About now, the job should be finished, I'd think."

"Job? Chakotay, what are you talking about?"

Chakotay was silent for a long moment. This attitude of his scared B'Elanna; she'd never seen him like this, not even in the aftermath of Seska. She was about to call for the EMH when he spoke.

"Kathryn doesn't want the baby," he barely whispered, new tears spilling down his cheeks.

B'Elanna blinked, trying to digest this new information. Was it possible? From what she'd seen, the Captain had been thrilled to be pregnant, very in love with this man. "Are you sure?"

"She said she never wanted children. I just couldn't bear to stay and listen to her rationalize killing our child."

"Did she actually say she wanted an abortion? Or did your mind make you think that?"

"Does it matter?" he exploded, striking the ground with his injured hand, yelping in pain.

"Yes, it matters," she spat back, getting up to find her emergency medikit. She began to patch up his hand, whistling softly under her breath. "I hope to hell you didn't get this from hitting her."

"No, the wall," he admitted. "I left before I could hit her. How could she do this, B'Ela? She knows what this baby means to me."

"You know, you never answered my question," she said, standing to put the kit away.

"No, she didn't exactly say that," he replied, moving to sit on the couch.

"What exactly did she say?"

"Just that she had never wanted to have kids. I didn't let her say anything further," he admitted guiltily.

**DWEE-UH**

"Janeway to Torres." Her voice was dull, listless.

"Torres here, Captain." She watched Chakotay's eyes fill with concern at that voice, warring with the anger.

"B'Elanna, have you seen Chakotay? He left my quarters nearly three hours ago, and I can't find him."

Chakotay shook his head violently, glaring at her, making B'Elanna stutter. "Uh, no, Captain, I -- I haven't. I'm sorry."

"Thank you, B'Elanna. If -- If you find him, please tell him I need to see him."

"I will," she said, pointedly returning the Indian's intense gaze.

"And... would you tell him I'm sorry and I love him?" Her voice cracked and a sob audibly caught in her throat. "Janeway out."

Chakotay's eyes had closed at that last tearful question. B'Elanna could see how much he cared for the Captain, but she also knew about his stubborn side. She watched him for a long moment, then stood up. She forcefully pulled the man up by his arm and began leading him toward the door.

"What are you doing, B'Elanna?"

"What you're too damned stubborn to do on your own."

He stopped, wrenching his arm free. "No. I don't want to see her."

B'Elanna got up into his face. "Listen to me, you big, stupid, stubborn fool. She loves you and she's in pain. And as far as either of us knows, she still carries your child. Seska did far worse to you and you gave her a second chance. You owe the Captain at least that much respect."

The challenge was clear in her eyes as she stared at him. For a long moment, he returned the stare, then finally looked away. "You win," he whispered. He followed her to Kathryn's door in silence, looked at B'Elanna.

"I'm not going in, Chakotay. This is between the two of you. But I'll tell you this right now. If you don't resolve this, I will personally see to it that your life is a living hell." With that, she walked away.

Hesitantly, Chakotay reached up and pressed the chime. No reply. He pressed it again. Still no reply. A third time gave him the same results. As he went to try a fourth time, the door swung open. "Can't you get it through your head that I want to be alone?" came the angry reply. Chakotay looked at Kathryn and nearly started crying again. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut from the tears still streaming down her cheeks. Her hair was disheveled, as was her dress. She looked like hell.

"Kathryn?" he asked softly.

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn's head snapped up to search his eyes. She couldn't speak, her hands began to flutter nervously. The movement traveled outward until her entire body trembled and threatened to fall over. Instantly, Chakotay was through the door and picked her up in his arms, carrying her to the couch. Gently, he set her down, then took her hands in his, trying to stop their trembling.

"Chakotay?" It was whispered so softly, he barely heard it. "Is that you?"

"Shhh," he murmured, holding her close, tears falling down to match hers. "You're okay."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay, I'm so sorry," she murmured over and over again, trembling even more, becoming hysterical.

"Kathryn, listen to me," he said, forcing her eyes to meet his. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I ran out of here before you could explain yourself."

"Will you let me explain now?"

"Just rest, Kathryn. We can discuss this later. Too much stress is bad for the baby."

"But I need to tell you, explain...."

"Explain what?" he asked softly, trying to keep calm.

"Please, Chakotay, just listen to all I have to say before you get angry or say anything. Promise me," she pleaded, gazing into his eyes.

"I promise," he said, remembering B'Elanna's words about Seska. It was true that he owed Kathryn at least the respect to hear her out. "Can I get comfortable first? I'm kind of cramping here." At her nod, he moved as if to sit in the chair, but her tightened grip on his hand practically begged him to take her in his arms, which he did.

Once she knew he was comfortable, Kathryn took a deep breath, placed one of his hands on her belly, covered it with her own. "Chakotay, what I said before, about never wanting children, it was true." She felt his hand stiffen against her, sighed heavily. "What I didn't say was that I hadn't wanted children with Mark. He and I just didn't find the idea of children a very positive one. But I don't feel that way now. Chakotay, I love you and I am very happy to be carrying your child. When I said this is all new to me, I meant everything about our relationship, including the baby. You know how I feel about you." He nodded slowly, then she continued. "Do you know how badly it hurt me when you intimated my desire to abort our child? Chakotay, I just wanted to die right then and there."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn, I just--"

She hushed him with a gentle finger on his lips, shaking her head. "You promised to let me finish, love," she said softly, smiling. "I could never purposely, consciously end the life of my child, not even when I was with Mark. I took the strongest birth control possible then, so I wouldn't have to worry about being put in a position like that. Once I came to realize just how stranded we were out here, I began to ease off on the birth control. I stopped taking it all together when we were on New Earth. I guess I figured since I wasn't with anyone, it was pointless to keep taking them." She paused a second, leaning up to lightly kiss him. "I can't tell you how thrilled I am right now to be carrying your child. I admit to some trepidation because this is my first child, our first child. But I have no desire to end his or her life, nor do I desire ending our relationship. If I truly wanted either, would I have wanted the crew to know about our child?"

At first he didn't answer, thinking she had more to say. When she was silent for nearly a minute, he smiled and pulled her closer. "Thank you, Kathryn, for explaining everything. I understand now. And," he added sheepishly, "I feel very foolish for smashing my fist into the wall outside."

"You did?" Her eyes widened with surprise.

Chakotay nodded, his cheeks coloring slightly, then he sighed, looking away for a moment to collect his thoughts. When he looked back at her, he tried to smile, it didn't follow to his eyes. "I was so angry, Kathryn. I had to leave here, had to get away before I did something I'd regret. So I walked out and hit the wall. The next thing I remember was standing outside B'Elanna's quarters about half an hour ago. She fixed my hand and got me to tell her what happened." He paused again, looking away. "I was there when you contacted her."

"I know," came the soft reply, which brought his eyes back to search hers. "I located you there, then contacted her, hoping you'd talk to me."

"I didn't want to, but, B'Ela reminded me of a few things that made me change my mind."

When he didn't immediately continue, she looked at him. "What kind of things?"

"To be honest, she told that Seska had done far worse to me, yet I'd given her a second chance, that I owed you at least that much respect. And she was right. Besides, the hurt in your voice nearly killed me. I love you, Kathryn, but sometimes I act before I think, like tonight. I should have stayed and heard you out, but I didn't and I'm sorry."

Kathryn leaned up, kissed him gently again. "This child brought us together; his or her conception saved my life. No matter what else I may be, I'm not the kind of person to look askance at such a gift."

"And that's one of the things I love about you, my Kathryn, one of the many." He pulled her even closer, not wanting to let go. They sat there in silent reflection for a moment, just glad to still be together.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn asked softly.

"Hmmm?"

"Can I make a confession?"

"Another one?" he teased. "What is it now? That you faked the hypothermia to get me to sleep with you?"

"Oh, you guessed!" came her delighted reply. "And I thought it wasn't that obvious." She giggled, joined by his soft, rumbling chuckle for a bit, then cleared her throat. "Seriously, Chakotay?"

"What is it, love?"

"I stopped taking my birth control when we were stranded on New Earth...."

"You told me that."

"I know I did, but I didn't tell you the reason." She took a deep breath, then the words began tumbling out. "I accepted our fate on New Earth more easily than I'd imagined. I pictured us as Adam and Eve in paradise. I wanted -- I wanted you to make love to me, I wanted to be pregnant with your child. No one was around, Starfleet didn't exist. I could finally be a woman, just Kathryn, not Voyager's Captain. And Kathryn seriously loved her angry warrior."

"Then why revert back to your Captain's mask after we'd returned? Why not just continue as we were and Starfleet be damned?"

"I was scared, Chakotay, and a little guilty."

"Mark." Kathryn nodded. "And now?"

"I won't deny I still have feelings for him. He was part of my life for a long time. But you are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, to father my children." She sighed heavily. "Am I making any sense?"

He pulled her close again, kissing her forehead. "Perfect sense, my love. I didn't push things for the same reason, though I kept wishing for the strength to just walk up to you on the bridge and declare my intentions before everyone."

"And just want are your intentions, Chakotay?"

He shook his head, suddenly embarrassed by his admission. "Nothing, Kathryn. It was just a fantasy."

"I told you my fantasy on New Earth, now you have to tell me yours."

"I have to?" he asked, grinning playfully.

Kathryn nodded a mock-earnest look on her face. "That's how you play the game, Chakotay."

Suddenly, Chakotay pulled her tightly to him, almost crushing her, making her gasp, and fiercely whispered, "I'm not playing games, Kathryn." His intensity frightened her and she struggled to pull free. Then, as if realizing what he'd done, Chakotay released her, stood and began pacing, a dark scowl on his face. He felt her eyes following him, knew she was scared and confused.

At the soft hand on his arm, he stopped, but wouldn't look at her. Then she moved into his field of vision, stopping him before he could turn away. "Don't do this, Chakotay," she said softly. "Don't turn away. Talk to me, tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"

"It's --"

"And don't you dare tell me it's nothing, Chakotay. I know something's bothering you. What is it?"

He closed his eyes, tried to relax, but couldn't. Might as well just tell her, Big Man, he thought to himself. He led her back to the couch, held her hand as they sat down. "First off, let me apologize for frightening you. I didn't mean to, I just--" He sighed heavily.

"This is about Seska." It came out very softly, no fear or recrimination though.

Chakotay nodded. "She played so many games with me...."

"Listen to me, Chakotay, and listen good. I am not Seska, nor am I playing any games here. I love you, and I love our child, and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to prove that to you."

He searched her eyes for a long minute, trying to find her hidden agenda, her duplicity, but found only honest conviction and love. He smiled, a tear slipping down his cheek, and whispered, "I love you, Kathryn."

Kathryn kissed him gently. "You don't need to worry about me doing anything like Seska did. I could never intentionally hurt you like that." And then, she yawned loudly.

Chakotay chuckled. "Time to get you to bed. I think we've had enough excitement for one day."

**one month later**

The buzzing of the alarm brought Chakotay out of a deep, dream-filled sleep. He rolled over to pull Kathryn to him, but found only an empty bed. Confused, he softly called out her name. Her reply was a loud retching sound coming from the bathroom. Quickly, he was on his feet and into the small bathroom, where he found her hunched over, arms limply cradling the rim of the toilet.

"Kathryn?" he asked softly, kneeling by her side.

She lifted her head at his voice, gazing at him with hooded eyes, tried to smile. "Eight more months of this and I may never get pregnant again." Then her head was back over the bowl as another wave of nausea hit her.

Chakotay chuckled softly, having heard this for nearly two weeks now. And he remembered her other "threat" as well -- You'd better be happy to get just this one child, Mister. Despite the morning sickness, Kathryn radiated happiness and contentment. Everyone commented on how much more relaxed the couple had become since the pregnancy. And it's true, he mused, caressing her back. There's nothing to hide anymore. He leaned over, gently caressed her cheek as she sat back slowly. "You look beautiful."

"Liar!" she shot back with a grin, shakily making her way to the shower. "I look like hell and I'm craving a cup of coffee."

"You know what Doc said, Kathryn," he said loudly, knowing she could hear him over the shower.

"Just because I know doesn't mean I have to like it."

Chakotay chuckled again, going to throw his uniform in the refresher, then he began to make the bed. As he replaced Kathryn's pillow, he bumped the nightstand, heard something hit the floor. Bending over, he picked up a small cloth-covered book. What on earth... he thought to himself, sitting down.

"You found it," came Kathryn's soft voice next to him.

He looked at her as she lovingly held the book in her hands. The look in her eyes was priceless. "What is this, Kathryn?"

"Just--" She blushed, caught in a sentimental moment. "It's just something I started for the baby."

"But what is it?" he asked, caressing her cheek.

"A diary for the baby. I started it the night we found out I was pregnant and informed the crew about that, and us."

"May I?" he asked, reaching for the book. She nodded, letting him take it from her. He began paging through it, smiling at her small, precise handwriting. As he paged through, scanning the various entries, he found himself continually returning to the first.

Kathryn watched him go through the book, noted the number of times he read her first letter to the baby, and sighed heavily. "Chakotay, I--"

"Shhh," he hushed her, gazing deeply into her eyes, then cleared his throat and began to read in a low voice.

"My dearest little one,

This is the first of many letters I will write to you. Hopefully those others will be a bit happier than this one. As of now, I am four days pregnant with you. I just found out a few hours ago that you're going to be a part of my life. One of these days, I'll write down the story of your conception, but not right now. I'm too afraid that your daddy won't want anything more to do with me, to try to remember how his love and your conception saved my life.

I know you won't understand what has happened. Frankly, I just don't understand it myself. All I know is that your daddy is very angry with me. All over a misunderstanding. All I said was that I'd never wanted to have children, then he blew up at me and stormed out. He never let me say how my views on children had changed. I want you more than anything, my little one, please never think otherwise. Being finally open about my feelings for your daddy has made me very happy. But now.... I'm not even sure he'll talk to me now. I'm afraid I've messed things up beyond repair, that I've ruined my only chance at happiness out here. Not that you don't make me happy, because you do, very much.

I think I'm going to end this for now and try to see if your daddy will talk to me. I love you, my little one, and I love your daddy, too, even if he never loves me again."

Mommy"

 

Kathryn turned away as Chakotay slowly closed the book. She had no idea what to say to him, how to explain. I shouldn't have let him read it, she thought dismally. Hell, I shouldn't have written it in the first place. She sighed heavily, closing her eyes, and waited for his angry words. What he finally said surprised her.

"Chakotay to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here, Commander."

"I'll be coming to the bridge a little late this morning. If I am needed for anything, please contact me."

"Very well, Commander. Please inform the Captain that I hope she feels better. Tuvok out."

"Chakotay...."

"We need to talk, Kathryn."

"We already discussed this, Chakotay," she said firmly, standing. "And I don't need for anyone to think we're shirking our duty to this ship because of the baby."

"But--"

"Please, Chakotay," she murmured, holding his head in her hands, staring into his eyes, "just go do your work. I'll be fine. I'll probably go back to bed for a while, then spend some time on the Holodeck. Turn of the Screw might be fun."

Chakotay smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist. "As long as it doesn't harm you or the baby, then I don't care."

Kathryn smiled, kissed his forehead. "As if I have any intentions of either of us getting hurt, love," she said, chuckling. "Sometimes I think you worry too much."

"Not enough at all," he amended, smiling in spite of himself at her groan of mock-exasperation. He held her close a moment longer, then stood to go take his shower, stopping at the doorway. "And, Kathryn, I'm not upset by that entry. You were being honest about your feelings and what happened that night. I can't fault you for that." Before she could reply, he slipped into the bathroom.

Kathryn sat on the edge of the bed, picked up the book. Opening it, she idly paged through the various letters to her unborn child. Some were short, some were longer. Some days had more than one entry, but she'd religiously written something every single day without fail. She reached for the black pen on the nightstand and curled up against the wall, a pillow propped up behind her. A small smiled crossed her lips a she began to write.

"Hello, my little one,

This morning found me suffering from horrid morning sickness again. Oh, the things I go through for you. But I don't mind, really.

Your daddy's in the shower now, getting ready for work. I have the day off, and so I think you and I will be spending some time on the Holodeck.

And I think your daddy and I need to have a little talk tonight about a few things.

Well, my dearest, let me end this by saying how much I love you.

Mommy"

Chakotay stepped out of the shower and quickly dried himself off. Wrapping the towel about his waist, he softly padded out into the bedroom to retrieve his uniform. He stopped at the sight of Kathryn all curled up on the bed, writing in her journal. The soft smile on her lips brought a similar one to his own. You look so beautiful like that, he thought to himself. I am truly a lucky man.

As she finished the letter and signed it, Kathryn felt eyes on her. Looking up, she saw Chakotay leaning against the door frame. Her smiled widened as she set the book and pen on the nightstand. "And just how long have you been standing there?"

"Only a moment, my love, admiring your beauty," came his soft reply as he moved to sit next to her. He lightly kissed her cheek, pulling her into his arms. "Are you sure you don't want me to stick around for a while?"

Kathryn sighed. "Chakotay, I'm fine. It's just a little morning sickness. What are you going to do when I'm as big as a house and the baby kicks? Or worse yet, when I go into labor?"

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "I'll probably have Doc sedate me." His smile widened as she softly laughed at the thought of her lover being sedated during their child's delivery. She gazed into his eyes, smiling. "You're beautiful when you smile like that."

She blushed a deep pink, still taken unawares by his compliments. "Thank you, Chakotay." A quick glance at the chrono made her grin impishly. "You'd better hurry up or you'll be late."

He nodded. "It's bad enough I'm wearing the same uniform again," he said, quickly dressing himself.

"Oh no! I told you last night to bring a fresh uniform from your quarters, so don't you blame this one on me, mister."

"I'm not," he replied, leaning over to kiss her softly. "Get some rest, Kathryn, and I'll see you tonight."

~~~~*~~~~

"Computer, run program Janeway 5."

"Program Janeway 5 is running. You may enter when ready."

Kathryn walked into the holodeck and immediately sighed with relief. All around her were the sights, sounds, and smells of New Earth. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and just stood there, letting the sun's rays and the breeze lightly caress her body. Finally opening her eyes, she saw weeds growing in her garden. Smiling, she quickly made her way to the small plot of soil and knelt down. Nothing a little good hard work can't cure, she mused, digging her hands into the fertile soil.

The sun's rays beat down on her back, tempered by the soft breeze, as she meticulously eradicated every single weed from her little garden. She was dirty and enjoying herself immensely. But soon, the hard work and the heat took their toll on Kathryn. She crawled over to sit under a nearby shady tree. Curling into a comfortable ball, she let sleep overwhelm her weary body.

~~~~*~~~~

Chakotay glanced at the chrono again. Five more minutes. Could he get away with leaving a little early? Kathryn's message had been cryptic, talking of a much needed vacation, but little more. He'd wondered about her all day, hoping she wasn't overdoing anything. Quickly, he typed in a check on her whereabouts. Still in Holodeck 2. What on earth is she doing there?

And then, it was shift change. He forced himself to wait and oversee each duty transfer, then he handed over control of the bridge before vaulting into the nearest 'lift. Just his luck, he'd wound up with Tom Paris.

"So, Commander," he quipped, grinning, "up for a game or two?"

"Sorry, Tom, I have plans."

"In Holodeck 2?" Again that grin. Chakotay shot him a look. "Just a lucky guess, Chakotay, honest."

Chakotay smiled. "Sure, Tom. But, yes, I have to get Kathryn. She's probably immersed herself in her holonovels again."

Tom chuckled as the 'lift stopped and Chakotay began to step out. "If you change your minds, we'd love for you both to join us in Sandrine's again."

"We'll think about it. Thanks, Tom," Chakotay replied, smiling gratefully as the doors closed. He turned and made his way to the Holodeck Kathryn had been in for the past seven hours. Glancing at the panel, he didn't recognize the program, but went in anyway. Let's see what's caught your attention so, my love, he thought, then stopped dead in his tracks as the setting registered in his brain. New Earth. She's perfectly recreated New Earth. But where-- Then he spotted Kathryn off to his left, curled up under the largest of the small stand of trees. Quietly, he made his way to her side, suppressing a chuckle at how dirty she was.

Kathryn stirred and slowly let her eyes open, unwilling to let go of her dream. As her eyes began to focus against the late afternoon sun's glare, she realized she wasn't alone. Squinting a bit, she saw it was Chakotay, and stretched, smiling sleepily. "Hi."

He smiled and sat next to her, pulling her into his arms. "Hi yourself. Have a nice day?"

"Mm-hmm. We weeded the garden, then took a little nap," she replied, kissing him. "Why did you leave the bridge? Is something wrong?"

"Everything's fine. Alpha shift just ended, and I was curious to see what program held your attention all day."

"All day?" At his nod, she blushed, chuckling. "Guess I slept a little longer than I'd thought. Oh, but I had the most interesting dream."

Chakotay smiled. Her face had completely lit up, her eyes bright. She looked so beautiful like that. "Do I need to ask you about this dream, or will you just tell me?"

Kathryn beamed, delightful laughter bubbling up past her lips. "Of course, I'll tell you. I came here to spend some time alone, just think about everything that's happened this past month. I started weeding the garden and wore myself out, so I came over here to rest a bit."

"More than a bit, I'd say," came his reply as he softly stroked her cheek.

"Very true," she said, smiling wider. "Anyway, as I was sleeping, I dreamt that my spirit guide came to me. He reassured me that all this is right, that we are meant to be together, that this baby will keep us together. And then, it happened."

"What happened?" Fear clouded his eyes momentarily.

"I think I felt the baby's spirit guide."

"I think it's a bit early for that, Kathryn. You're only a month along."

"I know. The salamander said something like that, too. But I'm sure that's what it was, Chakotay."

"What do you think it was?" he asked, knowing all too well how frustratingly cryptic spirit guides could be sometimes.

"I don't know exactly. I felt a rush of wings over my head, and it got dark for a brief moment. Then I woke up and found you here. What does that mean, Chakotay?"

"I don't know, Kathryn. But I do know that we need to get you cleaned up. You're the filthiest pregnant starship Captain I've ever seen."

Kathryn blushed again. "Am I really that bad?"

Instead of replying, Chakotay stood and pulled Kathryn into his arms, carrying her to the replicated tub further back in the trees. As he stood her before him and began to remove her clothes, he said, "Computer, fill the tub with steaming, lavender-scented water." Smiling, he gently placed her in the water, then knelt next to her. "Just relax, my love, and let me clean you up."

Kathryn nodded and leaned her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes. Inhaling deeply, she let the hot water and Chakotay's gentle hands wash over her body, lulling her into yet another sleep.

"

Kathryn tucked a spare wisp of hair back behind her ear as she and B'Elanna watched Tom and Chakotay playing pool. She suppressed a yawn, giggling as B'Elanna glanced at her, a gleam in her eyes.

"You slept all day on the Holodeck, plus had another nap while Chakotay bathed you, and you're still tired?" came the amused reply. "What on earth are you gonna be like when you're uncomfortable and carrying a lot of extra baby weight?"

"I don't know, but Chakotay will be sedated, so he won't be any help," Kathryn said, smirking. That made both women laugh so loud that the men stopped their game to stare at them. When they stopped laughing, she looked at the taller man and smiled. "Are you winning?"

He shook his head. "No, and I think this'll be the last game."

"Aww, come on, Chakotay," Tom mock-whined. "Don't you like giving me all your rations?"

"You know, those rations should be saved for the baby," B'Elanna said, staring at her boyfriend.

"Okay, I'll give them back, okay? Just stay and play a couple more games."

Chakotay shook his head again. "No, I've played enough for tonight. Besides, I want to spend a little quiet time with Kathryn," he said, smiling warmly at the woman.

"Don't leave on my account, Chakotay. I'm fine."

He smiled his thanks and turned around to take his next shot. Kathryn's eyes followed the smooth lines of his back as he sank that shot, and the next. She was so intent on watching him, she didn't hear B'Elanna's question.

"Kathryn? Captain?"

"What? Oh, sorry, B'Elanna. My mind wandered." Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink at just how far her mind had wandered. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you'd wanted to test out a new program with me while Tom continues to shark Chakotay."

"What sort of program?"

"Nothing dangerous. Just a little something nicer than sitting here watching the boys and drooling over their butts," B'Elanna replied, grinning as Tom bent over only five meters away.

"That sounds like fun. Just let me tell Chakotay," she said, standing and walking over to where he was leaning against the wall. She slipped into his arms easily and welcomed his gentle kiss. "I just wanted to let you know that B'Elanna and I are going to Holodeck 2 to test out a new program of hers. Let me know when you want to leave, okay?"

He looked at her for a moment, then nodded, kissing her again. "Have fun, my love."

"You, too, love," she said, then looked over at Tom and B'Elanna wrapped in a tight embrace and cleared her throat. "When your boyfriend is done mauling you, I'm ready to go, B'Elanna."

Grinning, the Klingon gave Tom one last kiss, then motioned for Kathryn to go first. They left the room and went next door to Holodeck 2. B'Elanna typed in a quick command, then motioned for Kathryn to proceed again. Before entering, she glanced over at the glowing panel. "Caveat Emptor?" she asked her smiling friend. "What kind of program is this?"

B'Elanna's grin widened. "That's just a smokescreen." At Kathryn's quizzical look, she explained. "This way, when that snot of a boyfriend I have starts snooping through my programs, he'll ignore this one. The name would confuse him, make him think this program is something it really isn't."

Kathryn grinned again. "Still have that competitive edge between you, eh? I suppose it's futile to tell you how important both of you are to us, and to the ship?"

"Not futile, just not listened to at the present moment." At that, the doors opened and the two women entered the Holodeck. B'Elanna whistled softly under her breath, and Kathryn gazed about her in utter fascination. "This is better than I'd thought," she murmured.

Kathryn turned to B'Elanna and smiled. Ancient Earth's deep south, complete with white mansion, huge porch with swing, and all the trees and flowers that made that area so beautiful. What region is this?"

B'Elanna motioned for her to sit on the large old swing, which Kathryn did, tucking her feet up under her. B'Elanna followed suit, saying, "This is a plantation in Georgia, from around the 1920's. It just seems peaceful, like all the problems of the Delta Quadrant don't exist here."

Kathryn nodded, closing her eyes and deeply inhaling the heady scent of roses in bloom. "This is incredible, B'Elanna."

"You haven't even seen the whole program yet, Kathryn."

"There's more?" Her eyes were bright in this southern sunlight. B'Elanna nodded. Suddenly, she looked away for a bit, almost shyly. "B'Elanna, what is it?"

The younger woman finally looked back at her. "I -- When you told me you were pregnant, I knew that you would be up against some added stress, and I wanted to find a way to help you escape that stress for a while. I mean, you've done so much for me over the past three years, become such a good friend to me, and I just wanted to find a way to thank you for that, repay the favor. So, I created this place. It doesn't have a name yet, other than 'Caveat Emptor,' so you can rename it anything you want, do any further changes to the program's matrices that you'd like. I just thought you might like to have a place to come to that would allow you some peace and quiet from the rest of the galaxy. I hope you like it."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "Like it? How can I not like it? This is a wonderful gift you've given me, B'Elanna. Thank you." She leaned forward, warmly embracing her friend. "And I'm not going to change a single thing. I want to keep it just as it is, just as you made it for me."

B'Elanna blushed a bit, still unused to this friendship at times. "I don't mind if you change it, or if you make it a public program for everyone to use, tho' I'd rather you kept it private."

"Then private it shall stay, but you and Tom are welcome to use it anytime you'd like."

~~~~*~~~~

Chakotay watched as Kathryn left with B'Elanna. He stared at the closed door for a moment longer before he felt Tom's hand on his shoulder.

"Your shot, Chakotay."

"Hmmm?"

"Your shot," he repeated, then watched as Chakotay halfheartedly took his shot, wildly missing. Tom chuckled. "Boy, the Captain leaves and your game goes to hell like a Vulcan's discipline in pon farr. Too bad we aren't playing for rations anymore. I'd have enough to replicate an engagement ring for B'Elanna." The sound of a loud ripping filled the room as Chakotay's cue went through the felt.

"Sorry, Tom."

Chuckling, he ordered for the felt to be replaced. "No worries, Big Guy, the felt's replaceable." He paused, setting up his shot, made it, set up the next, letting the room fall into silence. Finally, he spoke. "So why don't you ask her to marry you?"

Chakotay's head snapped up to stare at Tom. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. Why don't you just ask her to marry you?"

Chakotay leaned against the table, cue lying across it. He closed his eyes, sighed heavily. "I can't."

"Why not? I mean, come on, Chakotay, you've been after her for three years now, practically from the start. You're together now, she's carrying your child. What better time to do what you've wanted for so long?"

"I just can't, Tom. I can't explain it."

"Try," Tom replied, moving to sit at the table the women had abandoned. He motioned to the chair next to him, which Chakotay took, almost reluctantly. They sat in silence for a moment, then Tom spoke again. "Chakotay... Did I ever tell you what happened after the situation with Vorik? What went on between B'Elanna and me?"

"No," came Chakotay's reply, his eyes lifting to meet Tom's.

"At first, we skirted the issue, tiptoed around each other and our feelings. We're both so stubborn--"

"Pigheaded is more like it," Chakotay murmured, smiling a bit.

Tom smiled self-consciously. "Okay, I'll admit to that, but I doubt you'll ever get B'Elanna to." He paused again, introspective when he spoke. "Finally, B'Elanna and I had no choice but to deal with this. It was affecting our friendship, our jobs, everything. We had to come to some sort of conclusion before it got too far out of hand. So, one night, I invited her here, just the two of us, I'd even deleted Sandrine herself, just so we could talk in a place that was safe for both of us."

"And?" Chakotay asked, remembering that first conversation he and Kathryn had after the accident.

"And we talked. Mind you, this was no weenie roast. It was hell at first. We talked, we fought, she threw furniture at me..." Chakotay chuckled as Tom's voice drifted off, his eyes taking on a dazed, happy look. Suddenly, he shook his head, flushed bright red, and began to speak again. "But we got over the initial barrier, and we've been together ever since. And I have to admit, Chakotay, even though I was afraid of the commitment, this was the best thing that ever happened to me. B'Elanna is -- I can't explain it."

Chakotay smiled. "I know, Tom. I feel the same way about Kathryn, but I don't know what she'll say to a marriage proposal. I mean, we've come so far in such a short time. Maybe this is going too fast for her."

"Can I let you in on a little secret?" Tom asked, leaning closer. Chakotay nodded, curious as to what he would say. Tom looked to either side, despite the fact that they were the only two left in the bar, then whispered, "Unless my informant is wrong, I think the Captain would be more than happy to be married to you." He leaned back as Chakotay's eyes widened. "Now, you didn't hear that from me, Chakotay, but it's information I thought you might be able to use."

~~~~*~~~~

"So, how was your unveiling, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked later that night as he slipped into bed, hair still damp from his shower.

"Good. B'Elanna gave me the program."

"Gave it to you?"

Kathryn nodded. "She said she'd started working on it after we told her about the baby, so I'd have a place to get away from the ship and be alone. She said it was to repay me for everything I've done for her, for being her friend. It's like she's never had a friend before."

"Other than a few select people, mainly myself, Tom, and Harry, you are her first real friend, her first close female friend since...." he trailed off. They both knew who he was talking about. "B'Elanna truly values this relationship with you, Kathryn."

"Then I'm even more honored by her gift. Perhaps if we have a girl, her middle name could be B'Elanna."

"Perhaps. So, tell me, what sort of program did she give you? Another holonovel?" Suddenly, Kathryn yawned loudly. "Why don't you show me tomorrow?"

She nodded. "Okay, I'm a little worn out right now."

Chakotay chuckled and pulled her close. "Get some rest now, love."

~~~~*~~~~

Bright and early the next morning, the couple made their way to Holodeck 2. Kathryn had picked out their outfits for the trip. For Chakotay, she'd chosen tan linen trousers, a thin white Oxford-type shirt, and comfortable shoes. And for herself, a simple saffron sundress and sandals. She smiled and said, "Computer, run 'Caveat Emptor.'"

"Caveat Emptor?" Chakotay chuckled. "Buyer Beware? What the hell sort of program is this?"

Kathryn just smiled and walked through the doors. "You'll see." She inhaled deeply, feeling so at peace in this program already. She watched Chakotay as he investigated the area around the porch. He backed up as he came upon a beehive. "Don't worry, love, they don't sting." She grinned as he reached into the hive and pulled out a hand sticky with honey, then laughed as he proceeded to lick his hand clean. Arching his eyebrows at her, he gestured to the hive. "No thank you, Chakotay. I'll stick to the lemonade and caramel brownies B'Elanna programmed. But first, there's something I want to show you."

Chakotay smiled, motioning for her to lead the way. As they walked around to the back of the house, he noisily licked his fingers clean. Kathryn shivered slightly, recalling just how proficient he was with that tongue of his. They followed the little stone-lined path to the pond and walked out onto the dock. Chakotay pulled Kathryn into his arms, kissed her gently, then just held her close for a moment, both staring out across the still waters. He had to admit he was very relaxed in this program himself. Then, Kathryn pulled out of his arms to slip off her sandals. She sat down on the edge of the dock, pulling her skirt up a bit, and dangled her feet in the cool water. Chakotay smiled and quickly pulled his shoes off, cuffed his pantlegs up to his knees, and joined her, an arm wrapping around her waist, holding her close.

After about ten minutes, Kathryn broke the silence with a soft whisper. "Chakotay, look! Over there, on that huge pond lily."

Chakotay looked where she pointed and smiled, softly chuckling. "I see it, Kathryn."

"That's the biggest bullfrog I've ever seen. Oh!" she cried as it jumped into the water and disappeared. She settled back into his arms then, sighing peacefully. "This is wonderful, isn't it?" Chakotay nodded, resting his cheek on the crown of her head. He could very easily stay here with his Kathryn forever.

~~~~*~~~~

The sun was beginning to set over their little pond when Chakotay finally got up enough courage to do what he'd wanted to do today. His stomach was twisted into knots of fear, and he wanted nothing more than to vomit right then and there. Is this what it feels like to suffer morning sickness? he wondered. But this is what you want to do, Big Man, so just do it. He took a deep breath, which woke Kathryn from her nap.

"Chakotay? Is something wrong?" she asked, looking up into his dark eyes as she sat up and stretched.

"No, love, nothing's wrong. I, um... I wanted to talk to you about something." Kathryn looked at him expectantly, her blue eyes sparkling in the light of the setting sun. He smiled at that sight. "You look so beautiful, Kathryn."

"Thank you," she murmured, eyes shutting briefly in embarrassment, knowing how tousled her hair and dress must look after her long sleep.

Chakotay shifted a bit again, facing her directly, and took her hand. He looked down for a moment, then stared directly into her eyes. "You know that I love you, right?"

She nodded. "And you know that I love you, Chakotay."

He nodded, then took a deep breath. "I'm not quite sure how to.... Do you remember that old legend I told you on New Earth? The one about the Angry Warrior?" She nodded, smiling broadly at the memory. "Well, I never finished it."

"You didn't?" she asked lightly. "Will you finish it now?"

He smiled, gently kissed her. "After the Angry Warrior found his peace with the woman he loved, they lived for a time together. Their work and their love for each other gradually became so intertwined that they felt connected and together always. One day, the Angry Warrior went out on a vision quest of sorts, as he was wont to do. When he came back, he had within him the knowledge that he and the woman he loved would be together for all time. But he felt an emptiness despite this knowledge. As he journeyed back to her, he found a small bone from an animal long gone. It was hollowed in the middle and had a small hole in which he placed a smooth, shiny pebble he'd found by the riverbank. When he returned to his love, he stood before her and told her how much he loved her and wanted her to always be with him, as his vision had said, then he gave her his gift as a token of his promise to love and care for her always. He was terrified she wouldn't accept his gift, that she'd reject him." At this point, Chakotay looked away, unable to face her.

"Chakotay," Kathryn asked softly, "what was her reply?"

He didn't answer right away. "I don't know. That's up to you." He fumbled in his pocket briefly, then placed something small in the palm of her hand. He watched as she opened her hand to find a thin golden band with a single heart-shaped diamond at the top. She gazed up at him, eyes bright with unshed tears, as he took the ring in one hand, her left hand in the other. "Kathryn, will you marry me?"

~~~~*~~~~ 

**DWEE-UH**

"Janeway to Torres."

"Yes, Captain?"

"B'Elanna, I'd like to invite you and Tom to Holodeck 2 for a little celebration. You know the program. We're here right now and waiting for you."

"We're on our way," she said, standing. "Torres out." She began to dress, throwing Tom's clothes at him.

"What was that all about?" he asked, pulling his pants on.

Before she could answer, they heard another voice. "Chakotay to Paris."

"Paris here, Commander. Go ahead."

"Thanks for the advice, Tom. It worked."

Tom grinned broadly. "I told you it would, Chakotay. We're on our way. Paris out. 

"

B'Elanna and Tom stepped through the doors a few minutes later, but found no one immediately there to greet them. They ventured up onto the porch, where Tom found the note, held down by a cold glass of lemonade.

"This says we're to meet them on the dock. Where's that?"

"Follow me, Flyboy," B'Elanna said, then led him around back and along the path. Nearing the dock, she could see the couple embracing. She winked at Tom, then loudly called, "What sort of celebration is this? It certainly isn't any Maquis party. It's too quiet!" She grinned as the couple separated. "Or did you want us to leave you alone?"

"What we want, B'Ela, is for you to tone it down," Chakotay retorted as they neared him and Kathryn. "By the spirits, you're a rowdy one lately. How do you put up with her, Tom?"

"Jealous much, Chakotay?" Tom quipped, pulling B'Elanna into his arms. "You couldn't handle her, even if you had the chance."

"You forget, Flyboy," came the reply as Chakotay pulled Kathryn into his arms as well, "I had B'Elanna. And she handled just fine. Isn't that right, B'Ela?"

She flushed a deep red at that, lowered her head, murmuring, "You're a dead man, 'Kotay."

He chuckled and reached over to caress her cheek, but Tom pulled her away. Chakotay looked up at him, confused.

"You may have handled her in the past, Big Guy," Tom said, smirking, "but she's all mine now. Besides, are you saying the Captain's too much woman for you to handle?"

Chakotay smiled, cheeks flushing slightly. "Point well taken, Tom. I hope I didn't embarrass you too much, B'Ela."

She shook her head, smiling, then looked at Kathryn. "You've been awfully quiet, Kathryn. Are you alright?"

"Just fine, but I could use some lemonade," she said softly, needing to sit down. "Anyone else thirsty?"

They all nodded and began walking back up to the house. B'Elanna noted that Kathryn kept her hands in her pockets, letting Chakotay lead her about. And then there was the look on Kathryn's face. B'Elanna could only describe it as total joy. Suddenly, B'Elanna's hand reached out and touched her friend's arm, stopping her.

"Let me see it," she said softly, looking into the woman's face. Kathryn just stood there for a few seconds, then pulled her hand out of her pocket at Chakotay's gentle nudge. Her eyes were bright as she watched her friend inspect the ring.

Tom whistled softly. "Damn! I bet that depleted your rations for a year, Chakotay."

"Not quite that long. And besides, I don't mind," he said as they continued up to the porch and sat down. "Now it would be a different story if she'd said no...."

"Chakotay!" Kathryn admonished, smiling, and they all laughed.

"So, have you set a date yet?" Tom asked, taking a sip of his lemonade.

"Will you give them a chance to get engaged before having them married?" B'Elanna asked, exasperated. "Kahless, I hope you're not like this should we ever get engaged."

Kathryn shook her head. "We just want to get used to being engaged first," she said, pausing. "We'd really appreciate it if you'd keep quiet about this for a while. Not that we're not thrilled to be engaged, because we are, we just need a little time."

B'Elanna reached over and clasped Kathryn's hand. "We won't say a word unless you want us to, Kathryn."

~~~~*~~~~ 

**three weeks later**

<Why do you seek me, my friend?>

"I'm curious about something," she replied as the salamander crawled up onto her hand. The small head turned toward hers, waiting patiently. "Is it wrong of me to want to keep this engagement a secret still? I'm sure everyone knows by now, but no one's actually asked."

<And it is imperative you hide it .. If they know, they know, yes>

Reluctantly, she nodded.

<And yet you want them not to know>

"No, I want them to know... eventually. As far as I can tell, they've all seen my ring, or been told about it by now, and no one's reacted negatively."

<Then why do you wish for secrecy .. Are you ashamed>

"No! I just -- I wanted some time alone with Chakotay, time for us to get comfortable with all of this. We've come so far, done so much, in such a short time--"

<What are you afraid of, my friend?>

Kathryn was silent for a moment, then sighed heavily. "I guess I'm afraid I'll lose him, that I'll have to share him."

<You must share him anyway .. Why is this different?>

Kathryn frowned. Damn, if he isn't persistent. "Because he's mine now. Because I'm carrying his child. Because I want to marry him. Because I love him. Because I don't want to share him."

<But you must, by nature of your professions. Look within your heart, see that he loves you, that he would not leave you but in death>

"And that's what I fear the most," she whispered. "I can't lose him."

~~~~*~~~~

That night, when Chakotay entered his quarters, he found a piece of paper on his desk. Picking it up, he recognized Kathryn's handwriting, which requested his presence in her quarters as soon as possible, that she needed to speak with him. Frowning, he walked to her door, the note still in his hand. The door slid open at his presence to reveal Kathryn asleep on the couch, curled up in a ball.

The light from the corridor awoke her, and she slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Chakotay?" she asked groggily.

"I'm here, Kathryn," he murmured, going to sit next to her. "Go back to sleep."

"No, we need to talk. It--"

"Can wait," he finished for her, effectively hushing her. She curled next to him, relaxing in his arms. After a few moments, Chakotay cleared his throat. "Kathryn?"

"Yes, Chakotay?"

"Are you feeling alright? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"We're fine, Chakotay. Why do you ask?"

"Your note. Why--?"

"I just needed to see that you were okay, that you're still mine." At his quizzical look, she attempted a smile. "I've just been having strange thoughts going through my head today, strange and wonderful."

"What sort of strange and wonderful thoughts?" he asked, eyes bright with curiosity.

Her eyes shifted to the ring on her finger. "Have you thought at all about what our wedding ceremony will be like? Or our marriage, for that fact?"

Chakotay shook his head. "Admittedly, no, I haven't. I've been trying not to plan too far ahead. I didn't want to push you, or make you feel rushed at all. I used to fantasize about us being together a lot, but--"

"Oh really?" Kathryn asked, a bemused smile on her face. "What sort of fantasies?" Even in the dim light, Kathryn could see his skin flush a deep red, which raised her curiosity even more. "Come on, Chakotay," she cajoled, "spill."

"It's -- it's nothing, Kathryn," he stammered. "Just some old fantasies that have been forgotten these past two months."

"Forgotten, my ass, Chakotay. Tell me."

The tall man disentangled himself from her and stood, beginning to pace nervously. He stopped in front of the replicator. "Are you hungry? Can I get you anything? You know, you should keep up your strength for the baby."

She shot him an exasperated look and sighed heavily, throwing her hands in the air. "Fine, Chakotay, forget it. If you're so embarrassed by these fantasies, so horrified to tell me, then don't tell me."

His head snapped around to gaze into her eyes. "Don't you ever think that I'm horrified or embarrassed of you, Kathryn. I just don't know how to explain what were some rather immature, sexually driven fantasies. What we have makes them seem silly and adolescent. I'd much rather discuss our real, concrete future than some misguided fantasies I may have had in the past."

Kathryn smiled, extended her hand to him. "I understand, Chakotay. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Forgive me?"

Chakotay returned to his place next to her, taking her in his arms for a tender kiss. "As if I could stay mad at you for very long, my love," he murmured, holding her close, then spoke up. "So, have you thought at all about our wedding? I guess it's safe to assume you do want some sort of ceremony to formalize our relationship."

She nodded. "Call me old-fashioned, but I want to be married before the baby's born."

Chakotay smiled broadly. "So would I. Have you thought about when you'd like the ceremony to take place? Or what sort of ceremony you'd like?"

"Well, I'd like it to take place before I'm too far into this pregnancy. I really don't want to be taking my vows under the threat of going into labor that's for sure. And I also don't want to be as big as a house, trying to look dainty in a wedding dress."

"You're actually going to wear a wedding dress? I never thought I'd get to see a sight like that. I just assumed we'd both be in our dress uniforms," he said, then mischievously grinned. "But I'd love to see you in a wedding dress, all frills and lace."

"I don't think so," she retorted. "Go back to your little fantasies for that, Chakotay."

"But, Kathryn--"

"I'll wear a dress, I'll even wear white, but I'm not going to go for the frills and ultra-feminine look. That's just not me. Perhaps something from the Napoleonic Era, a simple dress of ivory silk."

Chakotay's smiled broadened. "And will I also be in formal Napoleonic attire?"

"Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd wear your Maquis uniform," she said shyly. His eyebrows raised in surprise at that. "I just thought that would help signify that this isn't a Starfleet wedding between two officers, but the union of two people who love each other. And, even if it caused some animosity between us in the beginning, your beliefs, your reasons for joining the Maquis are a large part of what makes you the man you are, the man I love," she said softly, then impishly added, "Besides, you look very nice in that tight leather."

Chakotay grinned. "And what will our witnesses be wearing? We will be having witnesses, won't we?"

She nodded. "I'd thought of asking B'Elanna to be my maid of honor. She's become such a good friend, and she's the closest female friend I have onboard Voyager."

Nodding, Chakotay replied, "And, as much as I hate to admit it, Tom is the closest thing to a friend I have, not including B'Elanna. And we can't forget that it was Tom's suggestion that finally got me to propose."

The laughter bubbled up past Kathryn's lips. "While I'm grateful for it, I still can't believe that 'Mr. I'll-date-any-woman-I-see' Tom Paris suggested something like monogamy."

"You'd be surprised how much dating B'Elanna has changed him, Kathryn."

"I know. I've seen it in his work performance. Now that he doesn't have to prove he's an attractive catch to every woman on the ship, he can get back to concentrating on his duties. I think he's ready for a promotion in the next crew evaluation."

Chakotay nodded. "I agree. But back to what we were talking about. I assume you've had some thoughts on our ceremony?"

"Some, but nothing really concrete. You know that any ceremony we have most likely won't be held legally binding by Starfleet when we get back to the Alpha Quadrant." He nodded reluctantly. "All I really want is something that will allow us to solemnize our commitment to each other before our friends and family here aboard Voyager. Perhaps some combination of our beliefs?"

"I think that would be nice. Who would officiate? Tuvok?"

"He's the next highest officer we have. And I'd much prefer having one of my officers officiate my wedding to creating a holographic admiral or some such thing."

"So, let me ask this again, Kathryn. When do you want to get married?"

"I don't honestly know, Chakotay."

"What about three months from now? You'll be at the midpoint of your pregnancy, and you won't be all that big yet."

Kathryn thought for a moment, then smiled. "You know, I like that, but I want it to be the exact date that would be the five month anniversary of the day our child was conceived."

"I really don't want a bridal shower, B'Elanna."

"But, Kathryn, that's part of the fun of getting married. And what sort of maid of honor would I be if I didn't throw you a bridal shower? I mean, you know Tom's going to be throwing Chakotay a wild stag party."

"If he knows what's good for him, he won't," Kathryn quipped before taking a bite of her spinach salad. A look of pure delight crossed her face at the taste of her salad. "You know, I give Neelix a lot of credit for making us the food he does, but nothing beats real, honest-to-goodness food from home."

"Even if it's replicated?" Kathryn nodded. "I suppose you're right," B'Elanna replied, biting into her carrot stick. "You know, until I met Chakotay, I never really liked vegetables."

Kathryn nodded. "I've always liked vegetables, but I also liked my meat. A perfectly grilled steak would make my mouth water beyond belief, but these past three years have helped me see the benefits of a primarily vegetarian lifestyle. And Chakotay has been very generous in allowing me my meat cravings when I get them," she replied, grinning. "And something tells me this pregnancy will bring out some tremendous meat cravings, if you know what I mean."

The Klingon chuckled, shaking her head. "Exactly. He used to allow us the same benefits in the Maquis. If we could find meat to eat, he'd let us. But now, knowing that I can have meat any time I choose via the replicator, I don't crave it as much. This vegetarian thing isn't all that bad. Besides, there are some meat-related things from my own heritage that I just can't accept. For example, it's no secret that I prefer eating carrots to gagh. How anyone can stand to eat living, writhing worms is beyond me."

Kathryn paled. "Please don't," she moaned. "My stomach just can't handle the thought of that right now." She pushed back from the table, head bent, eyes closed, and spent the next several minutes inhaling slowly and deeply.

"Kathryn?" B'Elanna asked nervously, going to her side. Kathryn held up a hand, grasping the one B'Elanna extended toward her. The Klingon knelt next to her, worriedly eyeing her friend. "Should I call Doc? Or Chakotay?"

"I'm fine. Just trying not to throw up again. I'm beginning to have a hard time keeping everything down. Doc says it's normal, and should pass in another month or so, so I'm just dealing with it the best I can for now."

She smiled at B'Elanna, trying to reassure her friend. Pulling back to the table, she reached for her glass of milk, hoping it would help to calm her stomach a bit more. B'Elanna sat down, carefully watching Kathryn. After a few moments, when Kathryn began to eat again, she returned to her own lunch.

"You know, you look kind of pale, Kathryn. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I called Doc," she ventured a bit later. Kathryn chewed slowly, swallowed, then nodded. B'Elanna called out, "Torres to Sickbay."

"B'Elanna, it's Kes. What can I do for you?"

"I need someone to come down to Kath--Captain Janeway's quarters. The Captain is feeling rather ill at the moment."

"I'll be there in just a moment, B'Elanna. Kes out."

Kathryn pushed away from the table, went to the couch and sat down, tucking her feet up under her. B'Elanna moved to sit next to her after replacing their dishes in the replicator. A bit later, they heard the door chime.

"Come in," Kathryn called, sitting up a bit straighter as Kes walked in.

The Ocampan stood before her Captain, passed her tricorder over the woman slowly as B'Elanna looked on, worry on her face. Just let her be fine, she thought to herself. If she's hurt while I'm here, 'Kotay will have my hide.

Kes studied the information on her tricorder and smiled, looking down at Kathryn. "You're fine, Captain, it was just a simple case of indigestion. I'll give you something to take care of that."

As she reached toward her neck, Kathryn's hand shot out, stopping her, asked, "Is this safe for the baby? I'd rather suffer a little indigestion than take something that could harm my child."

"This is perfectly harmless, Captain, I promise," Kes replied, administering the hypo.

Kathryn immediately felt the relief from her discomfort, smiled up at Kes. "Thank you. I feel much better now." Kes nodded, smiling, then left. Kathryn turned to look at B'Elanna. "And thank you, B'Elanna."

"For what?"

"Worrying enough to make sure I'm alright."

~~~~*~~~~

"You know, Chakotay, I was thinking about something today."

"What's that?" he asked, pulling the covers up around them a little more.

"I know we've got six months left before the baby's born, but I'd like to start getting some ideas of what our child's name will be." Chakotay's delighted laughter brought her eyes to his face. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, Kathryn," he replied, holding her closer. "I'm just thrilled at how involved you're becoming so quickly."

"Well, Chakotay, this is my first child. And no, I'm not counting the lizard babies Tom and I had. That was totally different," she said, frowning, then sighed. "I guess I just want to make sure I do right by this baby. I don't exactly know what I'm doing, and I really don't want to be a bad mother, you know."

His smile widened, and he kissed her. "I know, my love, I feel the same way." And then his face darkened, the sparkle in his eyes dimmed. "When -- when I thought Seska's child was mine..."

Kathryn laid a gentle hand on his chest. "I know, Chakotay. As much as I was jealous about that, I was happy for you, knew you'd be a wonderful father. You have so much patience and love to give a child."

"You do, too, Kathryn, you just don't realize it yet."

"I'm beginning to," she replied, then wryly added, "and I'm sure I'll learn even more as this pregnancy progresses." She smiled as he chuckled. "At least that put a smile on your face again. Now, back to my original question, Chakotay."

"And that was?"

"Can we start looking into names for the baby? Not that we have to start right this very minute, but can we at least start thinking of possible names?"

"Of course, we can, though I'd prefer to wait until the baby's born, to see our child's face, learn his or her unique personality, as my people have done for countless centuries. And I suppose you'll want to know the sex of our child before he or she is born as well?"

Kathryn thought for a long moment, then shook her head. "As much as it would make things a lot easier regarding names and clothes, I'd just as soon be surprised at the birth." At Chakotay's amused look, she added, "I may be a scientist, but sometimes not knowing is good, too."

The room grew silent for a few moments, each lost in his or her own thoughts. Chakotay held Kathryn close, her head against his chest, his heartbeat lulling her into a comforting calm. She pulled herself closer to him, molding her body to his as she fell asleep. Fatigue descended upon Chakotay slowly, allowing him the opportunity to watch Kathryn fall asleep. It was something he'd grown to cherish in these early months of their relationship, just as he enjoyed waking early to witness her gradual ascent into consciousness. A smile creased his lips as his eyes closed in drowsiness.

~~~~*~~~~

Kathryn zipped up the jacket of her uniform, smoothing away the non-existent wrinkles, then turned sideways, staring at her profile in the mirror. A small smile played across her lips at the sight of the just barely discernible bulge of her belly. She cupped her hands about her stomach, gently rubbed it, lost in thought.

Chakotay emerged from the bathroom to find Kathryn standing before the mirror, fully dressed, her hair still flowing in soft graceful waves down her back. Then he noticed her hands on her stomach. At first, he was alarmed by it, certain she was in pain of some sort. Then he noticed the delighted smile on her face and relaxed immensely. Walking over to her, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, gently nuzzled his lips against her neck.

"Chakotay," she asked quietly, "have you noticed anything different about me lately?"

"You mean, other than the fact that you're pregnant, sleeping with me every single night, and wearing a ring that says you're going to marry me?" he teased.

She turned a bit to swat at him playfully. "I'm serious. Have you noticed anything different?"

He studied her face thoughtfully, then stepped back to take in her whole body. He was about to say no, that she looked exactly as she had for the past three months, when he noticed it. He knelt before her, hands going to delicately rest against the tiny swell of her tummy. He leaned forward, tenderly placed a kiss there, then looked up into her eyes in awe. A smile filled his face, and he whispered, "That's our baby, isn't it? You're not just gaining weight from eating more, are you?"

"Oh, I'm gaining weight, but this," she said, gently patting her stomach, "is not from an increase in food, Chakotay. This is the first outward sign of our child's existence. Do you see now why I want to start considering names? He or she isn't just some abstract concept to us anymore, Chakotay, but a living, growing person. I want to start having an idea of a name to call our little one, other than 'baby' or 'little one.' I want this child to feel as special as he or she is to us."

Chakotay smiled and stood, taking Kathryn into his arms. "I don't think I could have said it better. We can start looking into name choices tonight after shift is over. How's that sound?" Kathryn nodded, beaming. "Now that we have that set, you'd better hurry up and put your hair up so we can get some breakfast before we report for bridge duty."

"All right. Why don't you get dressed while I go finish my hair in my quarters?"

"Why can't you do it here? You have everything you need right here to put it up like you always do."

"I know, but I want my brush. Just bear with me, Chakotay. Get dressed and meet me outside my quarters so we can go get breakfast." Before he could say anything, she breezed out of his quarters and entered her own.

Less than five minutes later, Chakotay was standing outside her quarters, just about to let himself in, when the door slid open. Chakotay's mouth dropped in surprise as he took in the sight of Kathryn standing before him. Instead of the customary twist she wore, her hair was left down, brushed to a soft auburn sheen, with just a bit from each side held at the back in a small braid. Just a minor change from....

"Do you like it, Chakotay? Do you remember it?"

"Remember it?" he finally managed to get out. "How could I forget? This look has been permanently etched in my mind since I first saw you wear it on New Earth. But, why now?"

"I thought you'd prefer me to look like the mother of your child, not some stiff by-the-rules starship Captain. I could change it, if you'd like," she said, beginning to turn back into her quarters.

"NO!" Chakotay exclaimed, grabbing her arm to stop her. "Don't change it, please?"

"As you wish, my love," she replied, going into his arms for a sweet kiss before they went on to get breakfast.

~~~~*~~~~

The sun was setting over the pond as Kathryn settled herself back against Chakotay's chest. His arms reached around her to rest on her stomach, fingers intertwining with hers, creating a cocoon of love around the child deep within her womb. It had been a long day of staring at nothing, which made their eight hour shift seem eons long. Everyone had longed for some sort of confrontation, something to break the tediousness of this stretch of space. The monotony had taken more of a toll on the woman in his arms, but he still felt bone-tired.

"So, have you thought at all about guardians for the baby?" Chakotay asked softly, unwilling to break the quiet, calming mood of this program. She shook her head, frowning slightly. "To me, that's just as important as finding the right name for our baby."

"Me, too, I just hadn't thought of that yet. Do you have any ideas?" she asked, shifting in his arms to look up at him.

"Actually," he replied, grinning, "I could think of only two people. Tom and B'Elanna. Think about it. If they hadn't rescued us, we wouldn't be sitting here, planning our wedding and the birth of our first child."

"That's very true, Chakotay, and they are a rather dependable couple now, aren't they?" She chuckled then. "Can you see them going through a pregnancy of their own?"

Chakotay laughed. "At least they'll have an idea of what to expect by watching us." Kathryn nodded. "And we'll know as well for when we have other children."

"Other children? Chakotay, did you say other children?"

"Yes, I did. I--" He was cut off by her lips against his. Finally pulling back, he wondered, "What the--?"

"Thank you, Chakotay, thank you. I was hoping we could have at least one other child after this one."

~~~~*~~~~

"I think Tom has a nice ring to it," Tom replied, grinning. "Don't you?"

"No, Tom," Kathryn quipped. "It was one thing to have lizard babies with you, but I really don't think I want my child to be named after you. Sorry."

"But, Captain, I rescued you. If it hadn't been for me, you two would have frozen to death."

"Excuse me? I was involved, too, Flyboy," B'Elanna cut in. "And do you see me expecting them to name the baby after me? Kahless, you're an arrogant bastard sometimes, Paris!"

The older couple laughed as Tom pulled B'Elanna closer. "But you still love me, don't you, B'Ela?"

"Sometimes I question that," she replied, smirking. "But, anyway, what names have the two of you thought of so far?"

"Well, we've had a few ideas, but I must admit I have a couple of ideas for full names already."

"Oh really?" Chakotay asked, amused.

Kathryn's cheeks darkened a bit. "I know we said we'd wait for the birth to decide the full name, but some of these names just flowed so well together."

"Like what?" B'Elanna asked, interested.

"You guys, I'm serious, Thomas Eugene is a great name. You should try it, it sounds great."

"How many times do we have to explain that we're not naming this or any other child we have after you, Tom?" Chakotay asked. "Besides, I already tried it out in my head, and Thomas Janeway just doesn't sound right. Face it, Flyboy, it's not going to happen in this lifetime."

"Janeway? Chakotay, are you saying you want the baby to have my name?"

Chakotay smiled, kissing her gently. "I wouldn't have it any other way, my Kathryn. My people have been matriarchal for centuries. It's only right that I follow this part of those traditions with the woman who leads this little tribe of ours aboard Voyager. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind? I'm honored you would do that, my love," she replied, kissing him deeply.

"So, Kathryn, what names have you thought of for boys?" B'Elanna finally asked, attempting to pull the couple apart.

The couple separated, blushing deeply. Kathryn giggled, meeting B'Elanna's eyes, remembering a time she'd had to separate the younger couple for much the same thing. "Um, the one name that came to mind almost immediately for a son was Edward, after my father. I'm still debating whether or not I want that as his first or middle name. I just haven't found another name to go with Edward that I like yet."

"You could always name him after both grandfathers," B'Elanna offered.

"As much as I respect and miss my father, I have no desire to name my son Kolopak, not unless Kathryn wants me to. Kolopak Janeway just doesn't quite sound right."

"No, but Christopher Edward sounds nice together," Tom added.

"You know, there's a name that has always intrigued me that you might want to consider for your son," B'Elanna said. "It's Rhys. I know it's an unusual name, I think it's Greek in origin, and it's probably not all that popular nowadays, but if you want a unique name for your son, I think Rhys would do it."

"Rhys Janeway," Kathryn said slowly. "I like that. Thank you, B'Elanna. I think we'll be keeping that in mind."

Suddenly, Tom blurted, "Amanda!"

Kathryn looked at him, arching an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon, Mr. Paris?"

"Amanda," he repeated. "It's a beautiful name."

"For a boy? Tom, are you feeling alright?"

"Of course not for a boy, it's for a little girl. Amanda Janeway. And I bet she'll look just like her mother, too."

"Nice suck up, Paris," B'Elanna quipped, smirking, then added, "I think your daughter should be named Damia. It's one of those strong kind of names. And if she has her mother's spirit and her father's looks...." She grinned mischievously.

"Don't you start with me, B'Elanna," Kathryn mock-warned. "This child will be cherished, no matter what. And I'm warning you now, Lieutenant, if you so much as try to teach any of my children to attack their spirit guides, I'll have you scrubbing the hull with your tongue."

"And no EVH suit, either," Chakotay added, grinning.

"I wouldn't dream of doing any such thing. Trying to kill a spirit guide is my trick. Like I'd want someone else to be doing that and making it a common practice," she quipped, rolling her eyes. "As if I'd want to conform."

"You know, going back to the names for boys, one of my favorite names is Michael. Or maybe Matthew," Chakotay commented.

"Well, you," Kathryn said slowly, smiling, "for all this talk of boys' names, I just have this feeling that I'm having a girl. I can't explain why, but that's the feeling I keep getting."

"Why don't you ask your spirit guide, Kathryn?" Chakotay offered.

"Because he'll just tell me it's not time for me to know yet, just as he's done for the past month."

"Well, you know," Tom piped in, "you could just have Doc confirm what you're having."

"No," Kathryn replied, shaking her head, "we've already made the decision not to ask him for that. We want to wait to be surprised in the delivery room."

"Well, I guess until then, you'll just have to guess, hmmm?" Tom replied.

"

"Well, Captain, it seems your child is progressing just as it should for fourteen weeks. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

Kathryn glanced up at Chakotay, then nodded. "We'd love to hear her heartbeat."

"Her?" The EMH turned to face her. "Captain, how do you know if your child is a girl? We haven't done any in depth testing to determine the sex of the fetus."

"Call it mother's intuition, Doc, but I just know this baby growing in me is a girl."

Shrugging his shoulders, the doctor turned and reached for the gel and amplifier. As he turned back to the couple, he said, "Captain, if you would lift your shirt and slightly lower your waistband, we can get on with this." She did as he asked, lightly caressed her stomach, then took Chakotay's hand in hers again. "Now, Captain, I'll warn you, this is going to be-"

Kathryn screamed as the gel hit her stomach.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked.

"Cold," Doc finished, spreading the gel over her stomach. "Sorry." He began moving the amplifier around her stomach. As it passed over her bellybutton, the sound of a rapid, but strong heartbeat filled the small examining room. "And there it is," Doc said softly, trying not to intrude on this moment.

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay again, eyes bright. "That's her, Chakotay, that's our baby," she whispered.

"Doc, I know this may be early, but can we see the baby? Can you do an ultrasound?"

"Yes, could you?" Kathryn asked. "I'd love to see what the baby looks like right now."

"An ultrasound? I suppose I could do that. I was going to do that at your sixteen weeks exam, but I suppose we could do it now. I'll assume you'll want a holographic copy of the ultrasound?"

"On a program chip, please," Kathryn said. "I want to put it in the baby's book. And-"

"I've already made a recording of your baby's heartbeat. I had anticipated a need ahead of time," Doc replied as he removed the amplifier and replaced it with the monitoring device for the ultrasound. "Now, if you'll look at the monitor, you'll see the image of your unborn child."

"Will we know the sex of the baby?"

"It's possible. I can try to determine the sex of your child if you'd like."

"No, we don't want to know," Kathryn replied, squeezing Chakotay's hand.

"If it's obvious and unavoidable, then tell us," Chakotay added. "Otherwise, we'd rather wait until the baby's born to find out."

"I think I can handle that. And there's your baby."

They looked up at the monitor and sighed. Doc hazarded a quick glance at the couple, saw the tears in their eyes, and smiled.

"Look, Kathryn," Chakotay whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead, "that's the reason we're together."

She nodded. "I see her. You know, I studied fetal development in my biology classes, but she looks so different, so graceful. She's totally different from what I expected to see."

"Doc, is the baby okay?"

"Yes," he replied. "Now you asked me not to divulge the sex of your child, right?" They nodded. "And that still stands?"

"Unless it's blatantly unavoidable, we don't want to know."

"Alright. Captain, Commander, as you heard before, your baby's heart is developing just fine, as is the rest of the body. You can see here the two hands, each with five little fingers, and here protecting the umbilical cord the two legs, each foot having five little toes. And here the ears, the eyes, the nose, the mouth. Everything is where it's supposed to be and developing nicely."

"Oh! Chakotay, look! Her little arm is moving. Oh, she's so beautiful, so graceful. I wish I could hold her right now."

"So do I, love, but we'll just have to wait a few more months until she's born, so she'll be strong and healthy."

"Would you like to watch your child a bit longer? Or shall I begin cleaning up your stomach, Captain?"

"Just a moment or two more?" she pleaded.

Doc nodded. "Here, Commander, hold it like this. Now, when you're ready to be cleaned up, contact me. I'll leave you alone now to have a little time alone with your baby," he said, then left, smiling to himself.

~~~~*~~~~

"How is everything tonight?"

"Neelix, I must compliment you on dinner. This is incredible. I’m on my third helping already," Kathryn said between mouthfuls.

"Well, thank you, Captain. I’m glad you like it," he replied, then scurried off to the kitchen, cackling in delight.

"Better be careful, Kathryn, or he’ll be trying to top this stuff just to please you."

"I can’t help it, B’Elanna. This just tastes incredible tonight."

"And if you’re not careful, it’ll give you a horrible stomachache later on tonight."

"I know," she chuckled, then stood. "I’ll see you later, B’Elanna. Chakotay will be off duty soon, and I’m working on a little surprise for him."

~~~~*~~~~

Chakotay walked into his quarters, bone tired from working a double shift after the exhilarating appointment in which he’d seen and heard his unborn child. He wanted to grab a fresh uniform for the next day, then he was headed for Kathryn’s quarters to crawl into bed with her and go to sleep. As he walked into his bedroom, he was surprised to find Kathryn propped up in his bed, in the peach nightgown he loved so well, writing in her baby diary.

"Kathryn?"

She looked up, smiling. "Hello, love. How was your day?"

"Hell." He couldn’t lie, not to her.

She stood and walked to his side, guiding him back to sit on the bed. She gently kissed his forehead, holding him close to her. He felt like he could fall asleep right there in her arms. When he tried to lay back, she stopped him. "Not yet, Chakotay. We need to get you undressed and into a good hot shower first."

"Kathryn, I’m exhausted. Let me sleep for a few hours? I’ll shower when I need to get up for tomorrow’s shift."

"You’re not on duty tomorrow," she replied, unzipping his jacket.

"Yes, I am. I made the duty rosters."

"Why did you work a double today?" she asked, ignoring his comment, and continued to slowly undress him.

"I don’t know. I was in such a good mood today, so I gave Beta shift’s CO the day off and took her shift. I was fine till about halfway through."

"Why didn’t you just give the bridge to someone else and come home?"

"Pride," he said softly. "I was so proud of our baby, of how beautiful she looked. Besides, Tom stayed for Beta shift with me."

"And you couldn’t let the young guy beat you out at working a double, right?" He sheepishly shook his head. "Sometimes I think the competition between the two of you is stronger than the one between Tom and B’Elanna."

"It’s just genetic," he quipped as he stood to slip off his boxers, then yelped as she playfully slapped his butt.

"Go take your shower before I’m forced to do something wicked with that gorgeous naked body of yours."

Chakotay smiled mischievously, hands on his hips, and stared at her. "Well?" he finally asked. "I’m waiting."

"For what?" she asked nonchalantly, putting his clothes in the refresher.

"For you to do something wicked with this gorgeous naked body of mine."

"Now why would I do something like that?" she asked, careful to keep her back to him. The sight of his naked body would just make her suddenly increased libido worse, and she wasn’t sure either of them could handle that.

"Because you just said that’s what you’d do if I didn’t take my shower," he said, then watched her for a moment, taking into account the fact that no matter what he did, she kept her back to him. Then he noticed a slight exaggeration to the sway of her hips, the way she nervously kept tucking her hair behind her ears, and he smiled. Well, well, well, Kathryn’s horny? he thought to himself. I think I’m going to have a little fun. He chuckled softly to himself at his plans. "I’m going to go take my shower now, okay?"

"Take your time, love," she said, walking to his closet. "I’m going to see if I can find an outfit appropriate for the Holodeck tomorrow. Doc says I need to keep up my exercising, so I have a couple of new programs I want you to test out with me." 

I’ll make sure you get some exercise, Kathryn, he quipped mentally as he walked into the bathroom. Turning on the water, he stood there, waiting for a few moments. Glancing out the door, he saw Kathryn intently going through his clothes. Stealthily, he crept up behind her.

As if he’d planned it, she suddenly called, "How’s your shower?"

In a deep, husky voice, he murmured, "Lonely. Care to join me?"

She jumped slightly, then closed her eyes and stood as still as she could. She felt the heat from his body, he was so close to her, then her nipples stiffened in response, and she bit her lip. A shudder passed through her as Chakotay’s hands came to rest on her hips. "Chakotay," she moaned.

"Yes, my Kathryn?" he murmured, pulling her back against him.

She felt his erection nestle into the small of her back and bit back another moan. "We can’t do this," she whispered, trying to stay strong as his hands slid up to cup her breasts.

"Why not? We both want it. And Doc plainly said that as long as we’re careful, we can continue making love for a few more months without hurting the baby."

"I know." Somehow she found the strength to pull away from him, walk over to the bed and sit down. She hazarded a quick glance at Chakotay’s obviously aroused body... and just as quickly regretted it, desire coursing through her.

"Then why are you hesitating?" he asked, crossing to sit next to her. "Kathryn, what’s wrong?"

She made a halfhearted attempt at a chuckle. "I’m overly horny?" She couldn’t look at him.

"I beg your pardon? I don’t think I heard you correctly."

"You heard me correctly, Chakotay," she said softly, standing. "I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been incredibly, incredibly horny all day. I can’t explain it beyond that. I’m sorry."

"And why is this a bad thing? Kathryn, I don’t understand what’s wrong. Are you afraid of hurting the baby?"

"No." She turned away from him.

"Then what?"

"I’m afraid I’ll lose control," she whispered.

Chakotay walked to her side, gently took her into his arms, holding her tenderly close. "Again, why is this a bad thing? Kathryn, if you can’t lose control with the man you love, who can you lose control with?" He waited for a reply, but she gave none, burying her face in his chest. "Kathryn, you know I would never hurt you, right?" She nodded. "Then why fight this? Why now? I’d understand if this was three and a half months ago, before we accepted fate and started this whole relationship. But why now?"

"I don’t know."

"Kathryn," he asked, tipping her head up to gaze into her eyes, "do you think I’ll leave you if you aren’t in perfect control all the time?" When she looked away, he sighed softly, then lightly kissed her. "Not a chance, Kathryn, you’re stuck with me now."

He pulled her closer for another kiss, gentle at first, but with a growing intensity. She clung to him as his tongue slipped past her teeth, her moan lost against his lips. Her arms found their way around his waist and up along his back, effectively bring her body closer to his. Chakotay broke off the kiss to gaze deeply into her eyes, his fingers slowly sliding the straps of her nightgown down her arms. His eyes left hers to stare with appreciation as the satin fell into a peach puddle at her feet. His gaze came to a brief rest at the swell of her belly, where his child grew, and he smiled, then continued his visual tour of the body he knew nearly as well as his own till once again he stared into the blue-grey of her half-lidded eyes. The faintest hint of a blush darkened her cheeks at the intensity of his gaze.

Chakotay held out his hand to her, supporting her as she lightly stepped out of the satin pool at her feet and into his grasp. Biting her lip, she reached out trembling hands to place his on her breasts. Kathryn felt the desire rise again as his fingers gently molded ‘round the curve of her breasts, thumbs lightly flicking against her nipples.

She moaned softly, resting her forehead against his chest for a brief moment before taking a step back, closer to his bed. He followed her with his eyes, watching as she sat on the bed, reaching for him. Kathryn trailed a hand down his chest, lightly grazing his erection with her fingertips. She smiled at the slight shudder that passed through his body, glad she wasn’t the only one so affected. A devilish gleam filled her eyes and she suddenly swooped forward, engulfing him completely.

"Oh gods, Kathryn," Chakotay groaned, knees nearly buckling. He gripped her shoulders in an effort to stay on his feet. He knew she was purposely, slowly torturing him, bringing him to the same level of sweet distress she was at. And it didn’t seem to take long either, was his last coherent thought before he exploded deep in her throat. Letting out a desperate cry, he slid to his knees before her.

Kathryn stared deep into his eyes, love and desire churning within her. Slowly, teasingly, she circled her lips with just the tip of her tongue, smiling at the effect it had on her lover. She held his head in her hands, lightly kissed him, then slid back until she lay flat on his bed. A single finger beckoned him toward her, but he simply sat there. She murmured his name, stretching to arch her back, legs spreading slightly. And still he sat there. She was about to sit up, ask him was wrong, when he pounced on her, landing fully, but lightly, atop her body.

"Yes!" Kathryn cried as she felt him enter her deeply in one quick thrust. Instinctively, her legs wound around his hips, pulling his body closer. Her mouth sought out his, tongues colliding with the same force as their hips. Almost instantly, she felt her climax nearing. She began thrusting her hips at him more rapidly, needing to feel her release, possessed by her desire.

Chakotay felt ready to explode. Never before did he remember being so close to a second orgasm so quickly. It felt like Kathryn was milking him dry, draining him for her very survival. The intense desire on her face only goaded him on to quicken his pace. He cried out when her nails dragged heavily across his back. He felt certain that she’d drawn blood, but cared only to pleasure her at that moment. He used every ounce of willpower he had to hold off his own climax, wanting her to achieve hers first. And when she finally came, loudly screaming his name and bucking against him, Chakotay increased both the tempo and intensity of his thrusting, prolonging her ecstasy. Then, finally, he came, hoarsely moaning her name, tears slipping down his cheeks.

~~~~*~~~~

Some hours later, Kathryn awoke, feeling a need she couldn’t explain. She reached for Chakotay, tears rising in her eyes. "Chakotay?" she murmured. "Chakotay, wake up."

"I’m right here, Kathryn," he replied, taking her in his arms. "What’s wrong?"

"I don’t know," she said, tears slipping down her cheeks, and she curled into a tight ball next to him.

This alarmed Chakotay. "Kathryn, are you hurt? Is it the baby?"

"I don’t think so," she said slowly, trying to determine where her fear was founded. "Just hold me?"

"For as long as you need me to, love," he replied, pulling her closer, then kissed the crown of her head. After a few minutes of silence, he softly said, "By the way, I want to thank you for letting go like you did earlier. I know how difficult it is for you to relinquish control like that. I truly appreciate what you did, Kathryn."

She felt the heat of embarrassment rise in her cheeks. "You’re welcome," she murmured. "And thank you for not taking advantage of me in my earlier condition. I’ve never felt that before."

"You were fine, Kathryn, and you were safe. You know you will always be safe with me, don’t you?" She nodded, then yawned, causing him to yawn in turn. Gently, he kissed her, then said, "Are you okay now?"

"I think so. Enough to sleep anyway," she replied, smiling. "Thank you again, Chakotay. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m very grateful to have you."

"As am I, my Kathryn, as am I. Now go to sleep, love. You need your rest."

"I love you, Chakotay," she murmured sleepily, cuddling next to him.

"And I love you, my love," he whispered, closing his eyes.

Kathryn spread out the blanket on the hilltop, beneath the large old oak tree. She turned to help B’Elanna lay out the food from their picnic basket, but Tom and Chakotay were nowhere to be seen.

"Don’t bother looking for them, Kathryn," B’Elanna replied, exasperated. "Tom said something about foraging for roots and grubs, that he wanted to show Chakotay how it’s done."

Kathryn chuckled, shaking her head. "There is no way I’m letting the two of them alone with Grace, not unless it’s a life or death situation."

"Grace, eh?" B’Elanna grinned.

"There’s still a chance it could be a boy, but I’m so sure it’s a girl," she replied, caressing her belly. Over the past couple of weeks since the ultrasound, her stomach had swelled enough to warrant wearing larger clothes.

"Why Grace? Is that your final choice?"

"It’s not final, but it’s close," she said, smiling, and sat back against the tree. "Oh, B’Elanna, if you could just see an ultrasound. She moves so gracefully, so beautifully. It’s incredible. I want this pregnancy to be over so I can hold her, and yet I want it to last forever. This pregnancy is the best thing that’s happened to me."

"Just the pregnancy?" Chakotay asked from behind her. "Not me?"

"That’s pretty cold, Chakotay. You sure you still want to go through with this marriage?" Tom quipped.

Kathryn leveled him a disparaging look, then leaned back into Chakotay’s arms. "Of course, you, too, Chakotay. I’d have no pregnancy, no wonderful future if it weren’t for you," she said, gently kissing him.

"I know," he replied, one hand lightly cradling her stomach.

"So, what did you mighty hunters bring us?" she asked a moment later, trying to contain her love for the man behind her.

"Nothing, thanks to Tom."

"Hey! It wasn’t my fault—"

"That you wanted to pick poisonous berries?" Chakotay finished for him.

"You didn’t?" Kathryn asked, chuckling. "I’m not sure, but I think attempting to poison your pregnant Captain warrants at least a demotion, doesn’t it?"

"Oh, yes," B’Elanna replied. "And if not that, then you’ll certainly deserve punishment for trying to poison your half-Klingon girlfriend."

Chakotay sucked in his breath. "I’ve been on the receiving end of her anger, Tom. I pity you."

"Okay, okay! Enough already," Tom said, cutting through the laughter. "So I’m not the best at finding edible food. I was just trying to help."

"It was a valiant effort, Tom," Kathryn replied, chuckling. After a quick glance at Chakotay, she asked, "Will you promise me something, Tom?"

"Sure," he replied warily, eyeing her suspiciously. "You’re not gonna poison me, are you?"

"Only if you break this promise," Chakotay replied seriously, then smiled and clapped his hand on Tom’s shoulder. Tom tried a halfhearted smile, very unsure of what he’d just promised to do. "Take it easy, Tom, it’s not that bad."

Kathryn placed her hands on the arms of the younger couple. "I have a request of you both – we both do," she started slowly. "Over the past three years, we’ve seen the two of you grow, flourish in this environment, what you’re capable of, what you believe in. And that’s why we’ve asked you here to join us today, to make this request of you."

She paused, took a deep breath. "Tom, B’Elanna, we would like you to consider becoming Grace’s guardians."

Both Tom and B’Elanna were stunned by the request. Neither had seen it coming; nor would they have even thought to expect it. They looked at each other, but Tom was the one who spoke. "Captain, I’m sure I speak for B’Elanna when I say I’m absolutely stunned. I had no idea…."

"We know that, Tom," Chakotay replied. "We want people we can trust, people we know will teach our child what’s important in life. The two of you were our first, and most obvious choice."

"You sure you wanna trust us to help raise your baby? I mean, I’m kind of reckless, and B’Elanna’s not exactly on the best of terms with her spirit guide."

"I’m just fine with both of my guides now, Tom," she replied indignantly. "You just worry about your own guide, okay?"

"We know your problem areas, that’s not all we considered," Kathryn said softly. "We know how strongly your personal convictions influence your lives, how dedicated you are to the tasks assigned to you. And you both know how much we treasure your friendship. We really would appreciate if you would agree to this."

"Of course, we agree, Kathryn," B’Elanna said, gently resting her hand against the other woman’s stomach. "Right, Tom?"

He let loose his patented cocky grin, but all could see the pride and honor in his eyes. "Hey, if this baby can’t have my name, the least I can do is teach it the finer points of Paris finesse, right? It’ll be kinda nice to have someone to look up to me for sharking tips."

"No sharking Tom," Kathryn warned. "You can teach your own children that garbage, not mine."

"He’s not teaching that to any child I bear either. And if I catch him doing it, he’ll be the one suffering through labor with a partly Klingon child," B’Elanna retorted, causing everyone to laugh again. Then she grew serious, gazing directly into Kathryn’s eyes. "All kidding aside, this is a great honor you’ve given us. I have more pride in this than when I was promoted to Chief Engineer. I only hope I prove worthy of your choice."

~~~~*~~~~

"Status report, Commander," Kathryn asked, emerging from the ‘lift to make her way to her seat.

"All systems functioning normally, Captain," he replied, watching her with smiling eyes. "Long range sensors have detected an M-class planet, seemingly rich with resources we need. We should reach it within the hour."

"Excellent," she said, sitting down. She flashed him a quick smile, rearranged her hair over one shoulder, then began going over the logs since her last shift. From the corners of her eyes, she glanced about her, verifying all of her officers were there. After nearly forty-five minutes of reviewing the logs, she spoke. "When we reach the planet, I’ll be heading the team. B’Elanna, Tuvok, you’ll be with—" Suddenly, she stopped, hands going to her stomach, face a mask of confusion.

"Kathryn? What is it?" Chakotay’s voice was filled with concern, but he made a concerted effort to stay in his seat. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t be overreacting to every little ache and pain this pregnancy caused her.

Kathryn blinked, concentrating, then said, "Commander, you’ll be heading this Away Mission, since I won’t be able to."

"Won’t be able to? Kathryn, what’s wrong?"

"I’m not – I’m fine, Chakotay," she replied, finally meeting his eyes, smiling, then whispered, "I’m not sure, but I think I just felt Grace move for the first time." She cleared her throat, then spoke up. "As of now, all Away Missions will be headed by Commander Chakotay, until further notice. Is that understood?" After receiving everyone’s acknowledgment, she smiled again. "ETA to the planet, Mr. Paris?"

"Seven minutes to planetary orbit, Captain," he said, turning to face her. Seeing the looks of shock and happiness on their faces, he smiled and winked at them before turning around again. He quickly tapped out a "Glad to see you’re protecting my protégé," then sent it to his Captain.

"Commander, assemble your team," she said, scanning the message.

"B’Elanna, Harry, you’re with me," Chakotay said, standing. Before he left, he leaned over and murmured, "Keep my baby safe," then lightly caressed her belly.

Kathryn watched him leave, a slight pang of jealousy hitting her at the thought of being left behind. But then she remembered why she was staying behind, and her face lit up again. She caught Tom sneaking a glance her way. "Mr. Paris," she said, forcing him to turn and fully face her.

"Yes, Captain?"

"I would like to thank you for your concern regarding my unborn child, but I must reiterate that she will not be your protégé. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma’am," he replied, grinning, and turned around again.

"Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge. I’m going to be in my Ready Room, reading reports. Please inform me when the Away Team returns."

"Aye, Captain," came the stoic reply.

~~~~*~~~~

**3 hours later**

**DWEE-UH**

"Come in," Kathryn said, still gazing at the PADD in her hand, then took another sip of her grape juice. She heard the door slide open, then close, then nothing. The scent of bluebonnets tickled her nose, causing her to look up. "Don’t tell me you found those on the planet."

"No," came the sheepish reply, as he set them on the corner of her desk. "I stopped by the hydroponics bay."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you, love. They’re beautiful."

Chakotay held out his hand to her, led her to the couch. As they sat down, Chakotay lightly caressed her belly, then he looked up at her. "The surface is beautiful, Kathryn. You should see it."

"I’d love to, but I’d prefer to play it safe and not risk harm to the baby."

"So would I." He paused, trying to find the right wording for his question. "What did it feel like?"

Kathryn’s eyes lit up at the memory. "The closest thing I can come to is butterflies in your stomach, but even that’s not quite right. It was exhilarating, Chakotay. I wish you could have felt it."

Chakotay held her gaze for a long moment, hand lightly resting on her belly. Kathryn returned his gaze lovingly, covering his hand with hers. Then they both spoke at once.

"Kathryn, I—"

"Chakotay—"

They stopped, laughing softly.

"Go ahead, Kathryn."

"I want to get married now. I don’t want to wait anymore, not even another month."

"Neither do I. And—" he stopped, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his gaze was one of intense honesty. "And I want to know for sure if you carry a daughter."

"But I thought—"

"I’ve changed my mind. We’ve both become very comfortable calling the baby Grace, but I don’t want to be using a name that may not be right for our child. We don’t have to tell anyone else, if you choose, but I would really like to know."

~~~~*~~~~

"Doc, we’d like another ultrasound," Kathryn asked the next afternoon.

"Is there a problem, Captain? Why wasn’t I informed?"

"No problem. We’d just like to know the sex of our baby."

"Are you sure? Just two weeks ago you didn’t want to know."

"We’re sure," Chakotay replied.

"I’ve already determined the sex of your unborn child, but if you’d like another ultrasound, I can do it."

"You know?"

"Of course," came the haughty, slightly hurt response. "I am a doctor, you know."

Kathryn smiled indulgently. "We don’t really need the ultrasound today after all, Doc. If you’ll just tell us, we’ll leave you alone for a while."

The EMH studied them for a moment. "Captain, does your ‘mother’s intuition’ still say the child you carry is female?" She nodded. He paused again, making an exaggerated show of studying her records. Finally he said, "That’s one instinct you should trust. Congratulations, you’re going to have a daughter."

"Oh thank you, Doc!" she exclaimed, impulsively hugging him.

He harrumphed, then pulled back. "I’m not the one you should be thanking, Captain."

Kathryn turned to gaze at Chakotay, took his hand, then left Sickbay. Just outside her quarters, she paused and said, "Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here. How may I help you, Captain?"

"Could I speak to you? In my quarters? It’s rather important."

"I will be there momentarily. Tuvok out."

They walked in and sat down on the couch. Kathryn settled into Chakotay’s arms, sighing contentedly. And then, a moment later, the door chimed. "Come in, Tuvok," she called softly.

"You wished to see me, Captain?" he asked, entering the room. He nodded toward Chakotay. "Commander."

"Have a seat, Tuvok. There’s something we’d like to discuss with you." She waited until he was settled in the chair across from them before speaking again. "I want your honest opinion to this question, Tuvok. Will you consent to officiating our wedding?"

The Vulcan thought for a moment. "If it is your desire, I will officiate the ceremony."

"But?" Chakotay asked. "Speak your mind, Tuvok. I’m sure you have at least one objection to this relationship. Better to get it out now."

Tuvok nodded. "While it is good to see Captain Janeway well and happy, I must note that you are a wanted criminal, Commander, even after all this time of integration between the two crews. Further, I must make known my concern over the fraternization policy, or lack thereof."

Chakotay nodded, having expected as much. "And then there’s the fact that I’m not the man you approve of for Kathryn personally, correct?" The Vulcan’s blatant lack of response was expected as well.

Kathryn sighed. "Tuvok, I can’t live the rest of my life waiting to return to Mark. By now, he’s gone on with his life, as he would want me to do if our positions were reversed."

"That does not make this more acceptable, Captain."

"Would you rather I be alone, Tuvok? Would you rather I pine away for Mark for the rest of my life? Should I just sit back and watch the rest of my crew get on with their lives and be happy, but remain unfulfilled myself? What sort of leader would that make me? How effectively could I run this ship?"

"I do not know, but you are the Captain of this vessel."

"Dammit, Tuvok! I know that, but I will spend the next sixty years of my life alone and miserable. Perhaps that’s what logic would dictate I do, but I am no Vulcan who can suppress my emotions. I am sorry if you disapprove, and I’m equally sorry if this adversely affects our long friendship, but I need this, I need to do this to keep my sanity."

"I will not apologize for my objections, Captain, since they were requested by the Commander. Besides, it would be illogical to do so."

"And I won’t apologize for my feelings. Nor will I ask you to be the one to marry us. I will just use the backup plan of creating a holographic admiral to do it. You may note your disapproval of this entire situation in your security logs, as I have no doubt you already have. Dismissed."

"Captain, I—"

"I said dismissed, Lieutenant."

Tuvok stood, silently left.

"I wish you’d let me give you a proper stag party, Chakotay," Tom griped. "I mean, at least a stripper... for the rest of us single guys."

Chakotay smirked, cocking an eyebrow. "And just what would B’Elanna say about that?"

"She’d be fine with it," he replied, sinking his final ball. "I mean, it’s tradition, Chakotay. And we all know what tradition means to you."

"Very true," came the amused reply, "but the only woman I’d want to pop out of that cake is the only woman you’ll never get to agree to it."

Now it was Tom’s turn to grin. "What if she said yes? Would you agree to it then?"

Panic covered the dark face for a brief moment. "What have you done, Tom?"

"Nothing, I swear. I was just teasing you, Big Guy." Surveying the table, he grimaced, banked his shot. "Your turn."

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to grimace as he stared at the table. They’d ended up cornering themselves by the eight ball. Neither could get a clear shot to win the game, and it was killing them both not to win. Suddenly, he chuckled, murmured, "Kathryn was right."

"Excuse me?"

He looked up at the younger man, a twinkle in his eyes. "A few weeks ago, the day we saw Grace for the first time, she was teasing me when I came home from working that double. When I told her that I stayed the full second shift because you stayed, she commented that there’s competition between us. Looking at this game, I finally realized she’s right. It’s just a game of pool, but neither of us is man enough to back down and gracefully lose."

Tom was about to protest, then stared at the table for a moment before chuckling and shaking his head. "You’re right. She’s right. Damn, she’s right. You’d think we’d be over that shit by now."

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to shake his head. "We’re always going to have something to prove, to Kathryn, to ourselves, to each other. At least now it’s a friendly competition."

Tom looked at him, then lined up a shot. "Eight ball, corner pocket." And promptly sank the cue ball. "You win, Big Guy." Set his cue on the table and moved to sit at their usual table.

Chakotay blinked. "It was my shot."

"I know," Tom replied softly, took a sip of his beer.

Rubbing his tattoo subconsciously, the other man moved to sit down. The silence fell around them, a strange sort of comfort as each man was left to his own thoughts. Until finally, words were coaxed out of hiding to span the gap growing between them.

"You’ve more than proven your loyalty, your sincerity."

Tom blinked, stared at Chakotay. "I beg your pardon?"

I forgave you over a year ago, Tom.... For everything."

Tom looked away, overcome with emotion. He felt moisture filling his eyes, tried to blink it away. "I don’t know what to say, Chakotay. I mean, thank you. I just—"

"I know," came the soft reply.

~~~~*~~~~

"May I have a word with you, Captain?"

Kathryn started out of her reverie, looked up into dark eyes that were oddly haunted. "Please." She motioned to the chair across from her. "Better yet, let’s take this to my quarters. I don’t need prying ears to hear this."

They made their way to her quarters in silence, each sneaking glances at the other. Both knew what this conversation would be, knew it needed to be had. They settled uneasily on the couch, each afraid to speak first.

Finally, Kathryn broke the silence. "I can’t take this anymore, Tuvok. You hurt me very deeply, but I need my friend back."

"My friendship has never faltered, Captain," he started slowly. "You value my logic and objectivity, correct?" She nodded. "Normally, my judgment is not questioned in matters of ship’s business. I was asked for my opinion in regard to your relationship with Commander Chakotay, and promptly I was scorned, shut out of the camaraderie we once shared."

"Tuvok, I—"

"Please," he interrupted, "allow me to finish. In the twelve days since that occurrence, I have meditated extensively on what had been said. From a professional standpoint, what I said still rings true. The Commander is still a wanted criminal to be carefully monitored, along with his Maquis followers," he said, paused when her eyes turned from him in sorrow. "But, I have tried to look at this from a – less than professional view. We have known each other for nine years. Despite the circumstances of our first meeting, I have found a certain rapport with you that can only be called friendship. Over the past nine years, I have come to know you rather well, and our mindmeld has only increased that knowledge. What I am trying unsuccessfully to say is that, while on a professional level I oppose this union, I have seen no evidence that it is affecting the running of Voyager. Also, on a more personal level, I would have to be blind not to see how happy this makes you. You have been far more relaxed, less tense, less alone, since your relationship with Commander Chakotay began."

"Tuvok?"

"I realize my previous admission upset you. I apologize for that. And I understand the personal importance for you to have me perform your wedding ceremony. Therefore, if it is still your wish, I would be honored to officiate your marriage."

Kathryn’s eyes closed, tears slipping down her cheeks. For a long moment, she was silent, then she reached out to clasp his hand in hers. "Thank you, Tuvok. You don’t know what this means to me. You don’t know the hell I’ve been through, what I put Chakotay through, this baby."

"Your happiness is important to you. As your friend, it should be important to me, as well. I regret that in my endeavor to be a successful security officer, I was remiss in my duties as your friend."

"I forgive you, Tuvok, but only if you’ll forgive me for the things I said to you."

"There is no need for apology, Captain."

~~~~*~~~~

The Holodeck doors parted and Kathryn fairly floated in, followed closely by a grinning B’Elanna, who exasperatedly said, "What the hell is this about, Kathryn?"

In one fluid motion, Kathryn was in her fiancé's lap, kissing him briefly, but passionately.

"Why don’t you ever greet me like that, B’Elanna?" Tom quipped as she plopped down next to him, casting him a dirty look, a twinkle in her eye.

"To what do I owe this pleasant visit, love?"

"Because I love you. Because I love life. Just because. Do you need another reason?" she asked happily, snuggling closer to him, began nuzzling his neck.

"Not at all," he replied, then murmured in her ear, "Are you horny again?" She shook her head, her body wriggling against him in all the right places, forcing a tortured sigh past his lips.

B’Elanna grinned, bit her lip to keep from giggling. "Call it a night, ‘Kotay. Take her home and give her the attention she needs. I’m sure I can offer Tom far more interesting stakes than you did," she said, waggling her eyebrows.

Chakotay grinned. "I’m sure you can, B’Ela." He helped Kathryn up, took her hand and started walking toward the door, then stopped. "Have a nice night, you two." Then he looked at Tom. "And I meant what I said, mijo." Then they left.

"Mijo?" Tom asked a stunned B’Elanna.

"It’s Hispanic, slang used in the family for brother. I used to call ‘Kotay that," she said slowly. "Just what were you two talking about?" When he didn’t reply, she looked to see him overcome with emotion. "Tom? Are you okay?"

"I’m fine," he said softly. "Everything’s just fine."

~~~~*~~~~

** three days later**

"And I’d like to make a toast to the couple-to-be," Tom said, trying to be heard over the other diners.

"Aren’t you supposed to do that at the wedding dinner, Tom?" Chakotay asked, grinning.

"Yeah. So call this the rehearsal for the wedding dinner toast, okay?" came the cocky reply. "Um, I just wanted to say that I’m very happy for the two of you. You’ve overcome great adversity to finally come to this point, and a number of us thought we’d never see the day that you’d admit to an attraction to each other, let alone see you getting married and expecting a child."

"So who won the betting pool, Tom?" Kathryn asked softly, causing him to blush. This shut everyone up momentarily, then the clamor began anew as they tried to learn what she’d said to make him blush like that.

"Who won the betting pool?" he asked, repeating her question. He paused a moment, as if trying to remember, then smiled. "Why don’t you ask your husband-to-be?"

A delighted, shocked blush crept up into her cheeks at that. "Chakotay?"

"Sometimes wishful thinking pays off," was all he would say. When she yawned suddenly, he said, "I think it’s time to call this little rehearsal dinner to its end. My lovely Kathryn is tired and needs her rest for tomorrow."

He stood as if to help her leave, but stopped at the hand on his arm. "What do you think you’re doing?" It was Tuvok.

"Taking Kathryn home."

"Do you not know that it is considered bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other after the rehearsal dinner and before the wedding?"

"Well...." Chakotay said, then thought, Shit! He’s going to stick to the old traditions!

"Come on, Chakotay," Tom said, "you’re bunking in with me tonight. And your lovely Kathryn is staying with her maid of honor."

Casting a resigned look at Kathryn, Chakotay sighed. "Alright. Can I at least kiss her goodnight?"

The three looked at each other, as if considering it, then Tuvok nodded. "Briefly."

Smiling, Chakotay took Kathryn in his arms. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," came her murmured reply. "And I’ll be counting the hours till I can see you again, be with you again, my handsome angry warrior." With that, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly, pressing the swell of her belly against him. "She loves you, too."

~~~~*~~~~ 

**the next afternoon**

"Isn’t it time yet, Tom?"

"No," he chuckled, "and if you ask me once more, I’m going to tell Tuvok to cancel the wedding."

"You wouldn’t dare."

"Wouldn’t I?" He smirked. "You know, Chakotay, you’re just too easy to mess with today. It’s no fun."

"Sorry to disappoint you. I’m sure you won’t be upset at all when you marry B’Ela." Chakotay grinned when Tom faltered buttoning his vest. "I thought so."

They both paused at the chirrup of their communicators. "It is clear for you to begin your journey to the Holodeck," Tuvok’s voice came.

"Thanks, Tuvok," Tom replied, grabbing the pink rosebuds Kes had dropped off earlier, then followed Chakotay out the door. They were met by two of Tuvok’s best security officers – "We can’t have the bride and groom running into each other on the way to the Holodeck," Tuvok had explained – and escorted to Holodeck 2. Waiting outside for admittance to enter, Tom tried to pin one of the rosebuds to Chakotay’s leather vest. "Hold still, damn it! I don’t want to stick you, then feel the wrath of Mama Janeway when she finds out I hurt you."

That made Chakotay chuckle and stop fidgeting long enough for the corsage to be pinned on. And then the doors slid open, and he forced himself to slowly walk in.

~~~~*~~~~~

"Isn’t it time for Tuvok to be calling us?" Kathryn asked for the tenth time in as many minutes.

B’Elanna sighed, shaking her head. "I hope Chakotay isn’t this bad. And you have to promise me that if I’m like this when Tom and I get married, promise me you’ll slap me or something, okay?"

"When you and Tom get married? B’Elanna, have you been keeping something from me?" Kathryn asked, suddenly not thinking of her own nervousness.

"Well, no, not really. I mean, we haven’t discussed anything like marriage yet, but I think it’ll happen eventually."

Kathryn smiled. "Good. At least the two of you don’t need a spirit guide and a baby to get you to realize what you need to make you happy."

And then, they heard Tuvok’s voice, telling them it was safe to progress to the Holodeck. B’Elanna grabbed their bouquets, then they left, also surrounded by more of Tuvok’s best security personnel. Outside the doors of the Holodeck, they were greeted by Neelix and Tuvok.

"Are you ready, Captain?" Tuvok asked softly.

"I think so, Tuvok. Is Chakotay in there?"

"He is."

"Does he look handsome?"

The Vulcan looked perturbed to have to answer, but Neelix jumped right in. "He looks very handsome, Captain, and very much in love with the woman he’s about to marry."

Kathryn smiled, relief flooding her features. She let B’Elanna give her hair once last smoothing, then took Neelix’s arm. "I’m ready, Tuvok."

"When you hear the music and the doors open, Lieutenant Torres will come in first, then Neelix will lead you in. Is that satisfactory?" She nodded, suddenly unable to speak again. He leaned over and gently kissed her cheek. "All will be fine, Captain," he murmured in her ear before standing and returning to the Holodeck.

The waiting seemed to stretch on forever, but then the doors began to open and the sound of Harry playing "The Wedding March" on his clarinet could be heard from within. Just that sound alone brought tears to Kathryn’s eyes. She watched as B’Elanna began her slow walk into the Holodeck and across the field to where Tuvok, Tom, and Chakotay were waiting for them. Just behind the field, she could see the woods, her tomato garden, and to the right, the shelter. From the first, they knew they would get married here on New Earth. It was the birthplace of so much of their relationship in so many ways. They’d discussed long and hard about opening such a private program to the entire ship, and decided to do it just this once.

And then it was time for her to make her journey toward the man she loved, toward her future. She squeezed Neelix’s arm, took a deep breath, then they began walking along the path. She kept her eyes on B’Elanna’s back, unable to look at Chakotay just yet. She watched as Tom took B’Elanna’s hand, led her to where she would stand, then took his place to Chakotay’s right.

And then she looked at him. Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him. It was the first time she’d seen him in his Maquis uniform since he’d first agreed to be her First Officer three and a half years earlier, yet it felt like only yesterday. The pale pink rosebud over his heart stood out against the dark brown of his leathers, just as his love for her stood out against the backdrop of life. She let her eyes drift along his body, taking in the sight of his uniform, then a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth at the sight of his bare feet... he had remembered! And then she met his eyes, felt the love emanating from his entire being, and she felt right again.

Reaching out to take her hand from Neelix, Chakotay forced himself to look at her. His eyes hadn’t left her since the Holodeck doors had opened to admit B’Elanna, but he wanted to really look at her right now, this woman that was about to become his wife, become his for all time. She’d left her hair down, just as she’d worn it on New Earth, had taken to wearing it lately. He noticed that B’Elanna had woven a few of the pink rosebuds into the braids going from her temples to the back of her head, creating a vibrant crown about her sun-kissed tresses. Her gown was a simple ivory silk Empire style dress, high-waisted and flowing to accentuate her growing pregnancy without overly emphasizing it. She too was barefoot, and he smiled that she would honor him so. About her neck, on a simple leather thong was the engagement ring he’d given her six short weeks ago. And her eyes... her eyes glowed with unshed tears, with love for him and their daughter. And he nearly started to cry himself at the joy he felt.

"Who gives this woman into this marriage?" Tuvok asked, forcing them to face him.

"I do," Neelix replied, "and everyone else aboard Voyager." Then he went to sit next to Kes.

The Vulcan took no time in beginning. "We are gathered here today to witness the joining together of this man and this woman into sacred bonds of marriage. It is a privilege and an honor to officiate this marriage, as it symbolizes the true union of these two crews, Starfleet and Maquis. But it also symbolizes the love that binds us all together in this and every lifetime." He paused, glanced at Tom and B’Elanna, who nodded. "Before we proceed with the vows, Lieutenants Paris and Torres and Ensign Kim have something they would like to do for you."

Kathryn and Chakotay watched as Tom and B’Elanna went to stand by Harry, who picked up his clarinet and began to play a slow ballad. Tom winked at B’Elanna, who took a deep breath, then began to sing.

"Love has got the perfect plan. I’ve finally come to understand you can never ask too much of love. Love forgives your greatest sin, with open arms to let you in. You can never ask too much of love. I know... There’s one thing I’m always sure of. It’s the purest emotion we have. Love is... One never ending circle that brings us around to face ourselves. I will never turn my back on you again. I won’t deny how hard you’ve tried and all you’ve been. Time and time again I’ve found this truth will always last... You can never ask too much of love."

"In an ordinary heart," Tom sang, taking over, "the extraordinary part is... You can never ask too much of love. There’s no time no way to measure. Love’s an open endless treasure. You can never ask too much of love. I know... There’s one thing I’m always sure of. It’s the purest emotion we have. Love is... One never ending circle that brings us around to face ourselves. I will never turn my back on you again. I won’t deny how hard you’ve tried and all you’ve been. Time and time again I’ve found this truth will always last... You can never ask too much of love."

And then, together they sang, "You can never ask too much of love."

Kathryn squeezed both of their hands as they returned to their places, tears in her eyes. "Thank you," she murmured, unable to say anything more. Tuvok graciously gave them a moment to compose themselves before continuing.

"At the request of both the Captain and the Commander, I will not expound on the virtues and strifes of marriage. Instead, I would like to say a few words about these two people. I have know Captain Janeway for over nine years now, and I have had the utmost respect in her position and her abilities. As many of you are aware, I was initially opposed to this relationship, for ship’s reasons, and for personal ones. I did not believe the Commander was right for Captain Janeway, but over the course of these past few months, it has become more than evident that to oppose this relationship would be to take a great happiness from the Captain, something she does not willing give herself. I am pleased to say that I hope this marriage is a long and fruitful one. Live long and prosper," he said, giving the traditional blessing.

"Live long and prosper," everyone echoed.

Kathryn looked down for a moment, blinking away tears. She didn’t know her crew felt this way, didn’t know her friend would go to such lengths to divulge basically emotions toward her like that, and publicly no less. It was getting to be very hard not to cry.

"As we planned for this wedding, the Captain and the Commander decided that this wedding would be of the Captain’s old Irish Catholic heritage, that they would use elements of the Commander’s beliefs at the birth of their child. To that end, they have chosen to speak to each other of their feelings for each other and for this commitment. Commander, I believe we decided that you would go first."

Chakotay nodded, turning to face Kathryn, taking her hands in his. "I found myself thinking long and hard about what I would say to you. And then, Tom talked me into listening to some of the music we’d downloaded when we were sent to the past. I found a song that came as close to what I feel as possible. I hope you like it, my love, and I hope you understand just what you mean to me. You are my heart, my love, my life.

"Here we are, face to face. We forget time and place. Hold me now, don’t let go, though it hurts and we both know. The time we spend together’s gonna fly and everything you do to me is gonna feel so right. Baby when you’re loving me, I feel like I could cry. ‘Cause there’s nothing I can do to keep from loving you. Here we are, all alone, trembling hearts beating strong. Reaching out, a breathless kiss I never thought could feel like this. I wanna stop the time from passing by. I wanna close my eyes and feel your lips are touching mine. Baby when you’re close to me, I want you more each time. And there’s nothing I can do to keep from loving you."

Kathryn reached up to gently wipe the tear slipping down his cheek, then tried to speak. "That was beautiful, my love," she murmured, then cleared her throat. "I, too, found it difficult to put into words just what I’ve felt for you these past three years since you stepped onto my bridge and into my heart. And it was Tom also who got me to listen to that downloaded music where I found exactly what I wanted to say to you. Chakotay, you mean more to me than life itself, you and this child growing within me. You are what keeps me going everyday."

"As you for me," he murmured.

She took a deep breath again, then spoke. "I get a little tongue twisted every time I talk to you when I see you. And I hope that you just missed it, the way I stared to memorize your face. To kiss you in my mind, love you all the time. ‘Cause when I close my eyes, I still can see your smile. It’s bright enough to light my life out of my darkest hour. Please believe it’s true when I tell you I love you. I’ve taken too many chances, searching for the truth in love that’s in my heart. Tell me if I’ve made the wrong advances. Tell me if I’ve made you feel ashamed. ‘Cause I know I have to do this. Would you hold my hand right through it? I had to let you know just what would happen. Yes, I had to let you know the truth. I know I’ve got to do this. Would you hold my hand right through it? I know now this is true when I tell you I love you."

The tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she stared up into his liquid brown eyes, and placed his hand on her stomach to emphasize just what she was feeling. And in that instant, the baby kicked, and the tears began to tumble down Chakotay’s cheeks as he pulled her into his arms, just holding her close. Tuvok allowed them the time to commune silently as they needed; and not one member of the wedding party or its guests was unaffected by this overwhelming show of emotion by their two most senior officers. Finally, they pulled back a bit, looked up at Tuvok to signal their readiness to continue. He nodded, and Kathryn noticed the hint of a tear in the corner of his eye.

"And now, if there is anyone here who believes that this man and this woman should not be joined in the sacred bond of marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." The Holodeck was silent. Chakotay glanced at Tuvok, out of habit, and smiled when he saw the nearly imperceptible head shake from the Vulcan. "Then, I would ask for the rings."

Tom stepped forward, reaching into his vest pocket to hand the rings to Tuvok and B’Elanna took Kathryn’s bouquet. "Here you go, Tuvok."

Tuvok studied the rings for a moment, then held them as he turned to Chakotay, and asked, "Do you, Chakotay, promise to take this woman, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, to be your wife by Starfleet regulations, to love, honor, cherish, and protect her and any children you may have, to keep her close in mind, body, and spirit for all the days of your life, whether healthy or ill, through enemy territory as well as peaceful space, until death do you part?"

"I do so promise," Chakotay said softly.

"And do you, Kathryn Elizabeth, promise to take this man, Chakotay, son of Kolopak, to be your husband by Starfleet regulations, to love, honor, cherish, and protect him and any children you may have, to keep him close in mind, body, and spirit for all the days of your life, whether healthy or ill, through enemy territory as well as peaceful space, until death do you part?"

"I do so promise," she whispered, voice trembling.

Tuvok studied the two rings in his hands, then gave the smaller band to Chakotay. "Commander, please say the words you’ve chosen as you place this ring on her finger."

"Kathryn, I have loved you practically from the first moment I saw you. Let this ring be a symbol of the love I have felt for you that has grown and will continue to grow for the rest of our lives. I love you," he softly said, slipping the ring on her finger.

"And, Captain, please repeat what you have chosen to say as you place this ring on his finger," came the reply as the larger ring was placed in her hand.

"Chakotay, I have loved you practically from the first moment I saw you. Let this ring be a symbol of the love I have felt for you that has grown and will continue to grow for the rest of our lives. I love you," she murmured, slipping the ring onto his finger.

"And now, by the power given me by Starfleet Command and by Captain Janeway herself, I hereby pronounce you man and wife. Commander, you may kiss your bride."

He smiled broadly, eyes bright with tears, as he bent over to gently press his lips to hers, hands cradling her face. Her arms went up around his neck, lips parting to accept his gently questing tongue. Finally, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers, whispering, "Hello, my lovely wife, my beautiful woman warrior."

"I love you, my wonderful angry warrior," she whispered back.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the married couple."

A tremendous cheer went up then, bringing even more tears to Kathryn’s eyes. Never in her life had she thought her wedding would be so wonderful. And then, she felt a gentle nudge from behind her as Tom slipped something into her hand. Casting a questioning look his way, she waited for an explanation. It took a bit of time, but finally everyone calmed down, then Tom spoke.

"Captain, Commander, we are all thrilled that you’ve finally gotten together, and it makes us even happier to know that your love is bringing another child to Voyager. So, we all decided to give you a combined wedding and baby gift today. The main reason we made you stick to that old tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding was because we were doing a bit of remodeling. We have taken your two separate quarters and removed the dividing wall, giving you one set of large, double quarters in preparation for your growing family. Congratulations."

"

My dearest daughter,

They say that babies can experience their mother's emotions in the womb. If that that is true, then you should be quite happy right about now.

Your daddy and I got married today. Everyone was there. It was so special, my sweet baby, I wish you could have already been born, so you could be there, too. Your Uncle Tuvok officiated, and your Uncle Tom and your Aunt B'Elanna were our witnesses. Everyone was there, everyone was so wonderful and happy for us.

Only four more months till you will finally be in my arms, my dearest little one. I can feel you moving within me more and more each day. And you are showing even more, which is wonderful, yet begins to try my patience because I'm not used to having to carry around this extra weight.

Please don't take that the wrong way, little one. I love you so very much. I would never even think to change a single moment of this pregnancy, not for anything in all the universe. Not even a chance to return to the Alpha Quadrant.

I love you, baby

Mommy

 

Kathryn closed the diary, set it on the nightstand, the pen lying across it. She sighed softly, lying back in bed. Warm arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, and she snuggled closer.

"Hello, my love," she murmured, cheek nestled next to his heart. She was exhausted and wanted only to sleep. They'd been through so much during the past few days.

"Tired?" he asked softly, then smiled when she nodded. "Get some sleep, Kathryn. You've had a very busy day."

"Some honeymoon," she mumbled, then yawned, causing him to chuckle.

"And you think we could really do the things we want to do for our honeymoon without harming this beautiful little girl?" he asked, gently caressing her stomach. When she shook her head, he smiled. "I'd much rather wait till you're physically able to do what I have in mind."

Kathryn nodded. "Me, too." She leaned up to lightly kiss his lips. "I love you, my handsome husband."

"And I you, my beautiful wife," he replied, cuddling her close as she fell asleep.

~~~~*~~~~

"What are you doing on the bridge, Captain?" Tuvok's voice rang out over the bridge. Tom turned around to stare at her.

"Reporting for my duty shift. Is that alright with you?"

"No, it is not," came the calm reply. "You and your husband were given two weeks off for a honeymoon by the crew. You were left explicit instructions that, unless there is a Red Alert, you were not to step foot on the bridge for the duration of that two weeks. It has not even been two days."

"That's right, Captain," Tom replied, coming up to her. "Now, unless you want to be escorted back to your quarters by your Chief of Security here, I'd suggest you turn right around and get back in that turbolift and go home."

Kathryn stared at the two of them, knew they were serious. "But, Tom, you know I hate inactivity. I need to be doing something."

"I am sure your husband could suggest several suitable activities to occupy your time," came Tuvok's deadpan voice.

Kathryn smirked. "Tuvok, is that humor? I think you've been spending far too much time with Lieutenant Paris here. He's beginning to rub off on you." He arched an eyebrow at her. "Alright, alright, I'll go. Just wanted to make sure my ship will still be my ship when I get back from my honeymoon."

~~~~*~~~~

"Didn't work, did it?" Chakotay asked a few moments later as he watched Kathryn walk into their quarters.

She glared at him. "No," she replied, then sighed, sitting down. "I appreciate what they've done for us, but you know me well enough to know this is killing me. Chakotay, this is my ship, my life--"

"Not your whole life," he said softly, moving to sit next to her.

"No," she replied, moving into his arms, "you're right, it's not. What would you like to do today? Since we can't do what we should."

He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, then stood up. "Come on," he replied playfully, dragging her toward the door, grabbing a small duffel bag at the same time.

"Where are we going?" she asked, a smile brightening her face as she followed him.

"Somewhere I want you to see," was all he'd say. He made his way to Holodeck 2, tapped in a quick command, then faced her. "There's something I want to talk to you about, love, and I want to do it this way. Trust me?"

"Always," she murmured, caressing his cheek. She willingly followed her husband into the holodeck. She suddenly stopped, unfamiliar with the setting. "Chakotay? What is this place?"

"It's called a habak," he explained, guiding her into the small round room. Her eyes took in the various symbols on the walls around them, then sat before the fire where he motioned. "My people use the habak for vision quests. One day I would like for you to take the vision quest, here, in the habak."

"Not today?"

"No." He shook his head. "Not while you're pregnant. It's too risky, for you and for the baby, especially for your first vision quest." He looked into the fire for a moment, thinking, debating. "There's something else I want to ask you." But he didn't speak at first.

"Chakotay?" She gently touched his face, caused him to look at her.

"Do you feel strong enough for a trip through the spirit world? For some reason, I'm feeling the need to visit our spirit guides today."

She nodded. "I don't feel oddly, at least no more than I should for this stage of pregnancy. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

He smiled and stood, pulling her into his arms. "No, my Kathryn, nothing's wrong." He gently kissed her, then said, "Computer, run program 'Chakotay seven-alpha."

All around them, the habak slowly dissolved into a green forest. Stately oak trees surrounded them, letting in dappled sunlight. Beneath them was a thick carpet of soft green grass. Chakotay sat down pulled her down to sit between his legs, holding her close for a moment. Then he opened the duffel bag and pulled out a small medicine bundle. Kathryn knew it wasn't his, it was far too small. She shifted slightly, looked up into his eyes. "Chakotay?"

"This is your bundle, Kathryn. You need to have your own. As will our daughter."

"Why?" Pure curiosity. "Why can't I continue to use yours?"

There will be times when you will need to contact your spirit guide, or travel among the spirit elders, without me. Up to now, you have done that work with me, with my bundle, but you can't always do that, love. You need to assemble your own bundle, Kathryn. We can use them in tandem, but you do need your own."

She thought for a moment, recognized the reality of his words. She'd never really subscribed to any real sort of religious beliefs. Yes, she had to admit she believed in a higher power of some sort. There were times that even science couldn't have all the answers, but that was rare. And yet, she found herself drawn more and more to the beliefs Chakotay espoused. More and more, she could actually begin to feel her spirit guide's presence. And she was beginning to sense Chakotay's presence, even when he wasn't around. She looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"That makes perfect sense, Chakotay. A year ago I might have thought you were crazy...."

"But now?" he asked softly.

She gently caressed his cheek, always surprised by the range of emotions that could play across his face at any given time. It fascinated her; she could watch him for hours. But this wasn't the time for that. "Now, I find nothing too surprising, too crazy. I have a wonderful life, a loving husband, a beautiful little girl on the way. And I've come to treasure the times we spend together when you teach me of your beliefs. I never believed in anything before, except science. Yes, I knew there was a higher power, some force that even science can't explain. Now I believe I am beginning to understand that power, thanks to your patient tutoring."

"A labor of love, Kathryn, gladly given," he murmured before gently kissing her.

"I know," she whispered. She turned to lean against him again, opening the bundle that would be hers to maintain. She spread out the leather, smoothing it flat, lightly touched the akoonah, then smiled at Chakotay again as she pulled off her wedding and engagement rings. She replaced the wedding band, but set the other on the leather, the first of many additions to her bundle. Chakotay smiled broadly as she picked up the akoonah, held it in her hands as he'd taught her so many times. He reached up to place his hands lightly around hers, surrounding and enclosing them as his body did hers. She had proven an excellent, if sometimes unwilling student in the ways of his people, and he believed in her ability to perform this ritual herself.

"Akoocheemoy, we are far from the bones of our fathers," she began softly, voice quavering a bit in anticipation. Slowly, she intoned the ritual phrases, felt herself relax into the appropriate mindset, eyes fluttering shut. She could feel Chakotay doing similar behind her.

When she opened her eyes again, she found herself still within the forest, still wrapped in Chakotay's arms and legs. She turned slightly to look at Chakotay, who smiled proudly at her for her accomplishment. Then she turned to follow his gaze. Coming toward them was the timber wolf they knew as Chakotay's guide. And sitting on her head, between her upright ears, was the small salamander who'd chosen to be Kathryn's guide. There was a sense of joy emanating from the guides at the sight of their humans, who matched that emotion. Kathryn moved to reach out for her guide, to let it run up her arm and sit on her shoulder, but pulled her hand back as something small and dark swooped down suddenly between the humans and the guides.

The wolf stopped suddenly stunned by the intrusion. Four sets of eyes looked to the ground saw the bird lying there. "Is it dead?" Kathryn asked softly, hoping the bird was all right. The salamander moved to the wolf's back as the wolf bent her head to delicately sniff at the small bird. She gently pushed it with her muzzle, then ever so carefully picked it up in her mouth and walked toward the couple. Just as carefully, she lowered her head into Kathryn's lap, released the bird there. Kathryn gently picked it up, felt the faint rapid beating of its heart, and sighed in relief. "It appears to be stunned," she said to Chakotay, fingers gently searching for other injuries.

Chakotay didn't answer her, just stared at the bird, then at his guide. The she-wolf cocked her head at him, gazing quizzically at him with her large amber eyes. He stared at the bird again as it began to flutter in Kathryn's lap. Slowly, it opened its dark eyes, stared up at them without fear. He heard Kathryn's gasp, turned to look at her face, saw the wonder there. And then he felt it as well.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn whispered, her eyes never leaving the jet black eyes of the bird. "I felt...."

"I know," came his soft reply as he was greeted by eyes darker than his own. "Hello, Raven," he said quietly to the bird, reaching out a finger to gently stroke the ebony feathers, received a soft caw in reply. "We've waited to meet you for a number of months now. Thank you for revealing yourself to us."

Kathryn watched the small raven in utter fascination. She felt its touch in her mind, reached out a hesitant finger, only to have the bird hop onto it, cocking its head at her and cawing softly. She drew her finger to her stomach, where the bird lightly pecked at her swelling stomach, then felt her daughter kick in response. Then she lifted her finger, so the bird was eye level with her. "Hello, Raven," she murmured. "You've finally said hello to her, haven't you? You and she know each other now, don't you?" The raven cawed again, spreading its wings slightly. "Please take care of her spirit, guide her well, keep her safe from harm."

In response, the bird cawed loudly, then took off in a flurry of beating wings. At that same time, the baby kicked, bringing Kathryn out of her vision. She found herself in the simulation of that forest, leaning against Chakotay, the akoonah on the ground before them. Her eye caught a flash of green, and she looked down into her lap to find a perfect, silky black raven's feather in her lap. She clutched it tightly, tears filling her eyes as she turned to face Chakotay. "I was right," she murmured. "That dream... wasn't really a dream, was it?" Chakotay shook his head, speechlessly staring at the feather. "But how did I get this?" She held up the feather.

"Obviously Raven wanted you to have it, Kathryn," he finally said. "Perhaps it is some sort of symbol of the promise she made to you to keep our daughter safe."

Kathryn blinked, causing tears to spill down her cheeks. "Grace isn't the right name for our daughter, Chakotay."

"No," he replied. "The right sentiment perhaps, but not the right name."

"Kharis. Her name is Kharis," Kathryn said slowly, stroking the feather.

"Are you sure?" He didn't have to ask, he could see the certainty in her amazed face. He only asked to allow her the opportunity to acknowledge her bond with their daughter's guide.

"I'm sure."

He pulled her into a close embrace. "Then Kharis it is."

"

It was early in the morning when Chakotay was awakened by something clenching his arm tightly. His first thoughts were for his nearly seven months pregnant wife next to him. "Kathryn?" he murmured, one hand going to rest on the rise of her stomach. He felt the muscles contracting tightly, the pain in his arm increasing in perfect unity. "Computer, lights to one-half."

As the lights came on, he saw the sweat beading her brow, the tears slipping down her cheeks from tightly shut eyes. She whimpered softly, pitiful pained little sounds emanating from her throat. And then a large exhalation of breath, almost a sob, as he felt the muscles in her stomach relax. Her eyes opened slowly, glistening a brilliant blue from the tears still filling and spilling from them. She sought out his worried, but comforting gaze, trying to stifle another sob.

"Chakotay?" she whimpered.

He took her in his arms, holding her close. "What's wrong, Kathryn? Should I call Doc?" She nodded, then gasped, the pain peaking again.

"Chakotay to EMH. Doc, I need you in our quarters immediately. Something is wrong with Kathryn."

The EMH responded, "I'm on my way."

Chakotay held Kathryn close, comforting her as best he could without betraying his own fear at her pain. Moments later, he heard the main door swish open, admitting the EMH, who strode purposefully into the bedroom, already scanning toward the Captain as he neared the bed.

"Gods, Chakotay, it hurts," Kathryn moaned, the pains subsiding again.

"Commander, I suggest you get yourself dressed immediately. We need to get your wife to Sickbay."

"Why?" Chakotay asked, disentangling himself from Kathryn to do just that. "What's wrong?"

"She has gone into premature lab--"

Doc was cut off by Kathryn's tormented cry. "NO! Not my baby! NO!"

Chakotay didn't even bother with shoes. He scooped up his wife in his arms, blankets and all, and began to run in the direction of Sickbay. He didn't even know if Doc followed him or not. Kathryn moaned and whimpered in his arms, clutching tightly to him. Once in Sickbay, he set her on the nearest biobed as Kes ran over to them.

"Captain? Commander?" the elfin woman said, brow knitting in worry.

"Kes, prepare 20ccs of metrazine," Doc ordered quietly. "We need to stop her labor before it progresses too far." He looked at Chakotay, voice softening. "Commander, I'm going to have to ask you to wait in my office."

"NO!" Kathryn cried. "Chakotay, stay! Please!"

He went to her side. "I'm here, my love. I won't leave you."

The EMH watched them, stared at his tricorder. "Kes, we're going to need to get her into surgery, in case we can't stop this. Please apply the cortical stimulator." He turned to Chakotay again. "I am sorry, Commander, but I can't allow you into the surgical bay. I'll do what I can to ensure your daughter's safety, as well as your wife's."

Chakotay stared at him, nodded dumbly, and left, still in shock. From the office window, he watched the EMH lift Kathryn into his arms, carry her into the surgical room, Kes following him silently. He needed to keep calm, needed to project calm and comfort to his wife. Sitting in the EMH's chair, he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Each inhale calmed him; each exhale bore away the fear and worry.

<Why do you seek me, my friend>

Chakotay opened his eyes to see his spirit guide sitting before him, a quizzical look on her face. "You must help me, old friend, help Kathryn. The baby--"

<This is already known to me>

And then she stood, began to trot away. Chakotay had little choice but to follow. Suddenly terrifying screams assailed his ears, causing him great pain. They came upon a sight that he doubted he'd soon forget. There lay Kathryn's salamander, bleeding, writhing near death. But the heart-piercing screams came not from him, but from Raven. The wolf trotted to their side, curling her body around them, protecting them as best she could. She nuzzled at the salamander, gently licked its body, pulled the small bird closer to her, before looking up at Chakotay.

"What is going on, old friend?"

<Have faith, my friend. See them whole and well again. Believe it to be true, and it will be>

"But--"

<No but's, Chakotay. If you wish for their safety and life, it will happen. They do not wish to die, nor do they wish to suffer. They are lost, afraid. You must help them find their way back to their rightful path>

As she spoke, he saw the other two animals quiet themselves and pull closer to her. Soon, they were fast asleep, only soft whimpers occasionally escaping Raven.

Chakotay's eyes opened slowly, recognition dawning on his face. "Chakotay to Torres."

"Go ahead, Chakotay."

"B'Ela, mija, I need you and Tom to come to Sickbay. I need your help with something."

"We're on our way, mijo. Torres out."

~~~~*~~~~

Nearly thirty minutes later, the three friends were sitting in a circle just outside the surgical bay. Hands clasped, eyes closed, breathing in unison. Chakotay had explained to them what he wanted to do, and they willingly complied, offering their help in any way he desired. And so now they sat, focusing on calling their spirit guides together to help the woman and unborn child they loved.

"Akoocheemoy, we are far from the bones of our fathers," B'Elanna intoned softly, taking over where her dearest friend was too distraught to do so.

Slowly, they slid deeper into the meditative trance required for this sort of spiritual journey. As if one, they opened their eyes to find a virtual zoo before them. Chakotay's familiar wolf. Kathryn's small salamander resting within the comforting circle of the wolf's legs. Lying next to him was the small raven B'Elanna and Tom had not been privy to meet yet. And surrounding them, as if offering further protection were Tom's red fox and B'Elanna's two guides, the small rabbit and the targ. The wolf whined softly as the salamander twitched painfully again.

<Old friend, there is pain again, pain I cannot assuage>

"We're here to help," Tom said softly.

Chakotay's eyes were riveted to the salamander and the small bird, body quivering with each painful twitch they suffered. He held out his hand to the bird, but she ignored him, cawing softly in pain. He moved as if to crawl toward them, to take them in his arms, but the targ growled loudly at him, stepping in front of the trio.

"yImev! petaD!" B'Elanna growled at the fiercer of her two guides -- stop! hold still! -- and stared at him. "He's only trying to help them. Let him pass."

The large animal glowered at Chakotay, but let him by. The tall man gently touched the two small animals, but pulled his hand back when his wolf growled softly at him. "Old friend? Why are you growling at me?"

<It is not for you to help now, Chakotay, you have done what you can. It falls to them, to her guardians now> came the wolf's cryptic response as she motioned toward Tom and B'Elanna.

B'Elanna came forward slowly, very gingerly picked up the salamander and handed it to Tom, then took up the small raven. She looked up at Chakotay, confused. "I know all of the guides but this one, Chakotay? Whose is it?"

A brief smile crossed his lips. "This is Raven, Kharis' guide." At their further look of confusion, he sighed. "Kharis is the name we've chosen for our daughter."

B'Elanna cradled the tiny bird in her hands. "This is your daughter's guide?" She held the bird closer. "Hola, mija," she murmured softly, gently petting the soft feathers. "We've been waiting for you. Are you ready to join us?"

~~~~*~~~~

Meanwhile, Doc and Kes did what they could to suspend Kathryn's premature labor, but to no avail. Finally, he looked over at the young woman and, with a heavy sigh, said, "Prepare her for surgery. We'll have to take the baby."

"But, Doctor, why does she need surgery? Can't she have the child naturally?"

"We can try it, but I want to be prepared for any eventuality."

Kes nodded and did as she'd been asked. Finally, she removed the cortical stimulator, and watched as Kathryn awoke slowly, only to scream in pain at the latest contraction. "Shhh," she soothed, leaning closer to the woman. "It's alright, Captain. You're in labor."

"Labor? No! It's too soon!" Kathryn cried, then gasped again. "Chakotay! I want Chakotay!"

"I'm sorry, Captain, but that's not possible right now. We may end up performing a cesarean section."

"No!" Kathryn cried. "Chakotay's supposed to be here with me. He promised he'd be here when Kharis was born. I can't do this without him." And then she began to scream his name over and over again.

~~~~*~~~~

Chakotay was brought out of his reverie at the sound of Kathryn's pained voice screaming his name. He quickly ran into the surgical bay, not caring what Doc would say. "Kathryn?" He moved quickly to her side, grasping her hand tightly in his.

"Chakotay," she moaned. "The baby. She's coming, Chakotay, she's coming."

Chakotay stared into Kes' wide eyes, searching for confirmation, and received it. He tightly grasped Kathryn's hand. "We can do this, my love. Tom and B'Ela are keeping Raven safe in the spirit world, helping her prepare for this."

"No!!!!" Kathryn screamed as the pain redoubled within her abdomen. "I can't do this!!!"

"Yes, you can, Kathryn," Chakotay said sharply. "Do you want to let our daughter down already? You want to just give up and damn what happens to her?"

"N-no," she whimpered, the contraction easing. "But it hurts, Chakotay."

"I know it does," he soothed, tenderly kissing her forehead. "Now, just listen to my voice, Kathryn, block out everything else, even the pain."

"But--"

"Block out everything but the sound of my voice," he continued softly, caressing her cheek. "Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and listen to the sound of my voice." He repeated the soft litany over and over, watching as she slowly calmed down. "That's it, my love. Just relax. The pain can be blocked without any sort of medication. And if you're calm, Kharis will be calm as well." He looked up to see that Tom was intently watching through the window. The younger man pointed downward and smiled, indicating that B'Elanna was still in the meditative trance, watching over Raven. Chakotay then looked at Kes and Doc, smiled. "Just do what you must to make sure my daughter is okay."

"She is nearly fully dilated, Commander," the EMH replied. "When she is, she will need to push with each contraction, or there could be complications."

"She'll push, Doc, have no fear of that," came the now amused reply. "And both Kathryn and Kharis are doing fine?"

"Given the current situation, both are doing well. I must commend you on calming your wife so efficiently. Had she remained as distraught as she was, there definitely would have been complications."

"Just do what you need to, Doc. I want to know that my wife and daughter will be alright."

~~~~*~~~~

B'Elanna cradled the small bird in her hand, tenderly caressing the silky feathers. "You're a beautiful little bird, Raven," she cooed. At the confused growl from her targ, she smiled. "I know, I don't sound normal, but I can't help it. Babies tend to do this to me. Maybe one day Tom and I will be lucky enough.... Well, never mind we haven't even discussed that yet. And besides, I'm supposed to be keeping little Raven company, aren't I?"

Raven cawed softly, burrowing deeper into the warmth of B'Elanna's hands. And then the rabbit hopped over to B'Elanna, resting its front paws on her knee. <B'Elanna, you cannot hide yourself from me, you know that. I know what is on your mind, and in your heart. You must talk to him, tell him what you feel>

"Easier said than done, my timid friend," she replied ruefully. "Besides, right now I have to keep a promise to 'Kotay and Kathryn and keep this little one safe. Tom and I can talk anytime."

~~~~*~~~~ 

**6 hours later**

The EMH finally looked up at Kes, nodding grimly. She quickly moved to the side as Doc went to stand next to Chakotay. "Commander, this just isn't working. I do commend your efforts, but it appears that they have not been completely successful. While you have done your best to keep your wife calm, we were unable to turn the baby."

"What are you saying, Doc?"

"I'm saying that this breech birth will not work. The baby is stressing from our attempts to help along her delivery. And it's not helping the Captain any either. I would suggest a cesarean section. It is the easiest and most painless option for both mother and child."

"Do what you must, but know that I will not leave them."

"Understood," Doc replied, then returned to his place on the other side of the sheet Kes had erected. Once he knew the anesthetic Kes administered had taken its desired effect on the Captain, he began the cesarean.

Chakotay held Kathryn's hand, gently stroking her cheek with his other hand. Part of him wanted to watch, to see his first child being born, but the dominant side of him wanted to keep Kathryn company.

"What's happening, Chakotay?" she asked softly.

He looked over the edge to describe what he saw. "He's making the incision now." Then he looked back at Kathryn. "Do you want a blow by blow?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I just want to know my little one's okay."

He smiled down at her, leaning over to tenderly brush her lips with his. "She will be. Kharis is a strong little girl. B'Ela's still watching over Raven, and Tom's dividing his attention between watching her and watching us through the window."

She chuckled a bit at that, then raised her head a bit to just barely see Tom's sandy hair in the window over the sheet. She returned her eyes to Chakotay. "Go tell him we're okay. I know he's probably worried sick right about now, if he can see that we had to go with this c-section." Before he could ask the question forming on his lips, she smiled tenderly at him. "Yes, Chakotay, I'm sure. Go on. They're nearly as worried as we are. After all, you won't be gone all that long."

Chakotay stood and moved to step out of the room, but stopped as he saw Tom's jaw drop in awe. The tall man turned around just in time to watch Doc reach into Kathryn's abdomen and come out holding the small, but loudly screeching form of his daughter. He watched in awe as Kes took down the sheet so Doc could lay the baby across Kathryn's chest, before turning to face him.

"Commander, would you care to cut the umbilical cord?" he asked, offering the small laser scalpel.

Deepest onyx met deepest blue in tearful joy. Kathryn nodded, then her gaze traveled to the squirming child on her chest. She extended her fingers to caress the soft, dark, damp down on the small head as Chakotay took the proffered scalpel and cut the cord where he was shown. He reached out a hand then to brush against her tiny cheek before watching Kes carry the baby away to clean her up, as Doc took care of closing up his patient. No words were spoken as he returned to his wife's side, taking her hand in his, squeezing tightly. Their eyes bespoke all they couldn't express any other way.

Finally, Kes brought the baby back, placed her in her father's arms. "Say hello to your daughter, Commander," she said softly before leaving with Doc, letting the family have time alone.

Chakotay cradled her close, just staring at the sleeping face so like her mother's. Now that she'd been cleaned and dried, he could see her hair was a darker shade than her mother's, no doubt some combination of his jet black with her soft auburn. "Look at her, Kathryn," he whispered in awe. "She's so beautiful."

Kathryn nodded, arms extending, eyes beseeching him to let her hold her baby. He relinquished her a bit unwillingly, but realized if Kathryn held the child, he could hold Kathryn, keeping his family safe. He watched her bring the baby close, propped on her kneads, to open the blanket. Kathryn counted each little toe and finger, making sure they were all there. Stared at the stub of umbilical cord that had so recently connected them. Delicately traced the line of her tiny nose, lips, eyelids, chin. Carefully combed her fingers through the dark down on the tiny head. And then smile as the baby's eyes slid open.

"Hello, my little one," she breathed. "I'm so glad you're finally here. I've waited rather impatiently for this moment, but now I don't even know what to say to you, Kharis mine." She paused a moment, glancing up at her husband. "Get Tom and B'Elanna. I think they'd like to meet their niece now, after waiting so long out there."

Chakotay smiled, bent over to kiss both Kathryn and Kharis, then moved to the door. He smiled at Tom, motioned for the couple to join them. Kathryn watched as Tom's head disappeared for a moment, then he led his girlfriend into the room. They moved to one side of the bed as Chakotay returned to his place, arms wrapping possessively around his wife and daughter. "Mijo, mija, meet your niece, Kharis. Sweetheart, this is your uncle Tom and your aunt B'Elanna. They'll always be here for you if your mommy and I can't be."

Kathryn offered the quiet child to her friend. B'Elanna gratefully took the baby, cradling her close. "Hello, little Kharis. Raven wanted to make sure you got this hello from her." She leaned over and gently pressed her lips to the tiny forehead.

~~~~*~~~~

**one week later**

Once again, Kathryn and Chakotay found themselves standing before their friends and family in their New Earth program. But this time, their daughter was with them, held by B'Elanna. Chakotay smiled at his wife, then moved to stand before Tom and B'Elanna, a hand on each shoulder. His eyes closed, breathing deeply before speaking, as Kathryn moved into his arms.

"We are here today to perform the dedication and naming of our daughter. B'Elanna, Tom, you were chosen as the guardians for this child nearly five months ago. Do you still agree with that choice?"

"We agree," Tom said, clasping the older man's arm. "And in accordance with your wishes, we will conduct this naming and dedication ceremony."

Chakotay nodded and moved away with Kathryn, letting the younger couple do what they needed. He watched as B'Elanna carefully handed the sleeping baby to Tom, then moved to get the eagle feather and incense from behind her.

"Akoocheemoy, we are far from the lands of our ancestors. We are far from the bones of our fathers. We entreat the spirits of our fathers and of this area to watch over and protect us, and especially this child before us," she said, wafting the sandalwood incense over the baby's head with the feather. A tiny sneeze was heard, forcing a smile to Kathryn's lips. B'Elanna bit back a smirk as Tom leaned over to calm the baby, make sure she was all right.

A breeze rippled thought the trees surrounding them. 'Kotay must have programmed that in, ran through her head as she cleared her throat and continued. "We entreat those spirits here to join us in welcoming this child to our family."

Chakotay felt the breeze, confused by it because they hadn't programmed that in. Then he saw the guide of his long-dead father coming closer. He noticed that Kathryn and B'Elanna's eyes had widened. So they see father's bear, too. He watched as the bear lumbered over to the couple holding the child, then noticed Tom falter, nearly dropping the baby in his surprise at seeing the large black she-bear. The bear stood on her hind paws, extending to her full height over them.

B'Elanna recovered quickly, by now used to seeing new animal guides when dealing with Chakotay. "We beseech the spirits present to accept this child, guide and protect her as she grows in the ways of her ancestors. We offer our help to guide her along the path of her life, should her parents be unable." She paused as the bear gently nuzzled at the baby's cheek, whuffling softly. Looking directly into the bear's eyes, she said, "We ask your acceptance of her name."

The bear now pressed her muzzle against B'Elanna's shoulder, moving her. Only the four people closest to the child could see the bear, but everyone saw her stumble from the contact. A soft rumble issued from its throat, ceasing when B'Elanna took the baby in her arms. She turned to face the bear, noticing the assemblage of all their animal guides behind the she-bear. Holding the baby up in supplication, she bent her head a moment, then flung it back, calling out, "Spirits above, hear me and know this child's name. She shall be named Graceful Raven Two-Hearts, but all will know her as Kharis Raven Janeway."

Chakotay blinked back a tear as the bear seemed to smile and nod her head. He watched the large pink tongue delicately lick the top of Kharis' head, then the bear lumbered off, fading away as she did. He knew then that his daughter had been accepted by the spirits. And then the reality of the name B'Elanna had chosen hit him. Graceful Raven Two-Hearts. B'Elanna'd fully named her. They hadn't discussed that, only that they'd picked Kharis and that she should give a middle name that seemed appropriate to her at the naming.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn murmured in his ear. "Did she just--?"

He nodded. "Yes, Kathryn, she did."

"And did you see--?"

"My father's guide? Of course. And I felt the breeze, as well. None of us programmed that in. Our daughter has truly been touched and chosen by the spirits it seems," he murmured as B'Elanna stood before them, offering the child to her mother. He smiled gently at his dearest, oldest friend. "Thank you, mija."

~~~~*~~~~ 

**an hour later at the party**

"I'm glad you liked the name we gave Kharis," B'Elanna said softly, watching as Kathryn placed the baby in the little bassinet next to her. "And the ceremony was okay?"

"That ceremony was beautiful," Kathryn replied, fussing over the blanket covering her daughter, then noticed the glimmer in her friend's eye. "What is it, B'Elanna?"

"I'm just happy that your family is complete now, at least for a start," she said, looking down for a second, then met their eyes again. "I just hope it will be the same when my child is born."

Kathryn's eyes snapped up to meet B'Elanna's, stared at her for a long moment. "Congratulations, B'Elanna!" she said softly, hugging the woman tightly. "Does Tom know yet?"

"I told him just before the ceremony. You didn't notice the way he was holding Kharis? Or the way he's been strutting around at this party just as much as your own husband?" B'Elanna laughed softly. "I'm surprised he's not pulling some piggish, caveman routine about it."

This made Kathryn laugh, the sound traveling to her husband's ears. He looked over at her and smiled as she mouthed "I love you" toward him. His lips formed the same words, caressing her name at the end. He turned to see Tom staring at B'Elanna and smiled. He knew that look... very well. "So, when's she due, mijo?" he asked softly.

"Eight months," came Tom's reply, then he looked at Chakotay. "How'd you know? Did B'Ela tell you?"

"Nope. Your face said it all." Tom's brow wrinkled in confusion. "You're staring at her the same way I'd stared at Kathryn throughout her pregnancy." He pulled his young friend into a warm embrace. "Congratulations, mijo. You two will make wonderful parents."

With that, Chakotay moved to sit next to his wife, pulling her into his arms as she lifted her fussy daughter into her arms. He watched as she opened her blouse, letting Kharis root for her nipple to suckle lustily. He fixed the blanket around them, then lightly kissed his wife's cheek. "You complete me, my love, my life is filled with your love."

Kathryn smiled at him warmly. "May the spirits guide our journey together for many years to come."