I have to do the disclaimer thing again. You all know Paraborg. They own everything; they just don’t know how to use them properly. Evidently the collective has a short circuit. There is a sequel to this story. This is the first story I ever wrote and at the time was very proud of it. After going back and reading again I decided to make a few changes. I hope you enjoy it. If you don’t let me know why so I can fix it. Like I said the above characters are not mine, the idea is mine. Please keep my name attached.  

Rating R for implied sex.

Muffled Giggles

By: Willow
willow_v@yahoo.com

"She’s the Captain." He remembered saying those words to B’Elanna almost 5 years ago. B’Elanna would have thrown her out of an air lock if I hadn’t stopped her. I couldn’t explain why, not even to myself I just knew that she would treat us (the Maquis) fair. She did. Now almost 5 years later I couldn’t say the same for me. I had thrown myself into the role as First Officer and now I didn’t feel that I deserved it. She never said so, though, and I had to respect her for that. Now, months after all of the hell we have been through I sit here next to her on the bridge and wonder what’s going through her mind. After all this time I thought I could read her, but not anymore.

He’s looking at me again. I can feel it. I will not look. I don’t think that I could stand for him to see the pain in my eyes, and I know he would. The last few months have been hell. Who am I kidding it’s been over a year. The Borg, Riley, the Hirogen and then that damn Journal... his words on those pages written in pen. Words about another woman whom he loved. Why did that hurt me so? I shake myself mentally and stand, "Commander, you have the bridge."

She didn’t even wait for a response. And she didn’t go to her ready room as I expected. She got on the turbo lift and was gone.

Kathryn Janeway needed a break and headed to her quarters. The one thing Kathryn had learned over the last several months is that she was human. Most Starfleet Captain’s put themselves above this, but not Kathryn. She’d never walked out in the middle of shift before, but it was just too much to handle. Maybe I just don’t know myself as well as I thought I did. Looking in the mirror, "Well, Kath... now what?" An idea struck. "Computer, are the Holodecks empty?"

"Holodeck 2 is empty"

Thinking for a minute. "Has it been reserved?"

"Lieutenant Tom Paris has reserved Holodeck 2 for 1900 hours."

Janeway changed into a blue dress. Looking into the mirror. "I shouldn’t be wearing this dress." Shrugging her shoulders she walked out of her quarters. Standing outside the Holodeck Kathryn keyed in the program. The doors opened and she walked into Sandrine’s. Sandrine stood behind the counter. "Well, Captain Janeway, what are you doing here in the middle of your shift?"

Janeway looked at the French woman smiled. Tom sure knew his stuff. "I needed a break."

"It’s good that you realize that. Captain’s rarely see their own limitations." Sandrine brought over a glass of wine as Kathryn sat down. "Would you like to talk?"

Kathryn nodded. Normally Kathryn would have gone to the Commander with a personal problem, but then he was the problem.

When alpha shift ended and the Captain didn’t return Chakotay got worried. As beta shift took over he left the bridge with Harry and Tom.

"We’re going to Sandrine’s tonight, Chakotay. Would you like to join us?" Tom had gotten more and more worried about his commanding officers, and down right scared for his friends.

"No, I don’t think so, Tom, but thanks for asking." Chakotay never took his eyes off the turbo lift doors.

The doors opened and he stepped out. Tom felt a nudge from Harry. "If you change your mind we’ll be there around 1900."

Chakotay didn’t answer with anything, but a wave. In his quarters he again took the journal out of his desk. Carrying it as he paced. Stopping long enough to stare out the view port. When did life get so complicated? Maybe the question was when did he get so stupid? "How could I have done this to her?" His voice now betraying the pain that had plagued him through his waking hours and his dreams. He tucked the journal under his arm and walked out of his quarters. A few minutes later he walked into engineering. B’Elanna Torres was in her office reading reports. When he walked in she looked up in surprise.

"What brings you to engineering, Commander?" There was a glint in her eyes.

"I need to talk to a friend, BE."

"It’s about time." She sat up and motioned for him to sit. He didn’t. He started to pace. She exhaled, when he paced it was going to get good or bad. Whichever way you wanted to look at it.

"Here," he threw the book at her, "Read this and then tell me what you think."

As she read he paced. The more the journal interested her, the more she hunch over her desk. The more he paced. After nearly an hour she looked up. "Do you think this really happened?"

His shoulders hunch. "Yes, I do."

She wanted to go and put her arms around her long time friend, but he was in full self-pity mode right now. I’ll let him wallow this time. She thought. Then it hit her. "Does the Captain know about this?" The senior staff had noticed the tension between the commanding officers, but no one knew where it had come from. He recoiled as though he had been hit. She shook her head. "You showed this to her? How could you do anything so stupid?"

Besides the Captain, she was the only person on the ship that could get away with that tone of voice. Then she started again, "Chakotay, I swear this honesty thing that you have is going to get you into trouble one of these days." She grinned and he couldn’t help himself he returned the grin and sat down.

"So, how do I fix this mess?"

"First, do you really want to keep this journal?" All she saw on his face was confusion. "Unless you don’t... well... you know feel the same way anymore."

"BE, you know better than that." It was the closest Chakotay had ever come to admitting he had feelings for the Captain. She put her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, "I suppose after I gave it to her to read I kept it to punish myself. A constant reminder of betrayal."

"Ok, but now the self-pity is over and we need to fix this." B’Elanna began to pace as he put the book down on the desk. He really was beating himself up about something he had no real memory of, just a journal. "Stop punishing yourself. Every problem has a solution."

Tom walked into engineering and saw BE and Chakotay in her office. She was pacing and he looked like something the cat dragged in. There was something going on and he wanted to know what. He sidled up to Carey and gave him his best smile, "So, Carey, what’s up with Torres?"

Carey looked toward her office, "I don’t know but the Commander has been in there over an hour."

"Really? That’s odd. He doesn’t look very good does he?" Tom really was concerned for Chakotay. He had become a friend.

Carey followed his gaze. "Nope."

Paris went to her door. Knocked and opened it, "Hey, I thought your were going to join me for dinner."

B’Elanna jumped. "Oh, Tom I’m sorry I lost track of time."

Chakotay got up and grabbed the book. "I’ll talk to you later, BE."

She stopped him and looked at Tom. Tom took the meaning immediately. "Oh, no, you don’t Chakotay. You are going to eat, too. Come on we’ll all go to Sandrine’s and eat, play pool, drink, and then maybe someone will tell me what’s in the book."

They both look surprised at his bluntness, but followed him out. Outside the Holodeck Tom looked at the panel. Sandrine’s was already going.

"I guess that Harry and Seven are already inside." The doors opened and the trio walked in to find the Captain in a heated discussion with Sandrine. The three stopped in their tracks. Kathryn turned around then patted Sandrine’s hand. Calmly she stood and left the Holodeck.

"How long has she been here?"

Sandrine smiled, "All afternoon. She said that she needed a break." Tom looked at her and realized by her expression that Sandrine knew something.

"Ok, spill it. What do you know?" Chakotay and B’Elanna looked at each other with horror.

Again the smile, "Sorry, Tommy. I can’t break a promise."

"You can if I program you to."

"You can’t over ride her protocol."

"Damn. Well, I guess I’ll just have to work on these two then." Motioning to the two stricken faces behind him. "Whose up for some pool?"

Later Harry and Seven did come by, but kept to themselves when it was apparent that something was up and they were definitely out of the loop.

Kathryn exited the Holodeck just as Tom and Harry were on their way in. "Did you leave the program running, Captain?" She had taken the last three afternoons off. With no explanation to anyone, not even the person that made out the duty roster, Chakotay.

"Yes, Mr. Paris I did. Enjoy." She was half way down the hall when Harry spoke up.

"Why do you think she’s spending so much time here?"

"I don’t know but you and I are going to find out."

"I really don’t think that’s a good idea. The last time you interfered it was not pretty."

Tom laughed. "Come on Harry. I promise I’ll keep your name out of it.... I promise."

"Yeah, and trilithium compounds aren’t dangerous." Tom laughed all over again and pushed Harry inside.

Harry and Seven were eating breakfast, two days later, in the mess hall when Tom walked in. Ignoring the two he went to a vacant table and began working on a PADD.

"That’s odd. Mr. Paris very rarely isolates himself."

Harry reached out and put his hand on her arm. "Tom is, ah, he’s working on something private."

Placing her hand on top of Harry’s, "That means, if I’m not mistaken that he is up to something. Am I correct?"

"Yes, but it’s best if you don’t know." She nodded and they left the mess hall together.

Tom watched as the two left and smiled. Harry’s love life was taking an up turn. Now if he could just figure out this mess with the Captain and Chakotay. BE had absolutely refused to say anything. Harry had not really wanted to help, but had agreed to cover should Tom need him to. Now he just needed to implement the program.

Tom left the mess hall and headed for the Holodeck. He touched his combadge, "Paris, to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here. What is it Tom?" 

Tom already had the computer locate her and knew that she was in her ready room. "Captain, I’m going to be a little late for shift. I’ve had a mishap in the mess hall and need to change."

"Alright, Mr. Paris. Janeway out."

He smiled to himself and pulled the access panel off. Carefully he slipped the data crystal into place. Extremely pleased with himself he went to the bridge.

"You’re looking well, Mr. Paris."

Tom smiled his very best Paris grin, "Yes ma’am. I feel great." He slid into his place at the helm and continued to smile.

She had one of those feelings. The one that said, Tom is up to something. Of course, it was only a feeling and she couldn’t prove anything, but she had also learned to trust her intuition. Chakotay sat as still as ever. Not looking at her and she knew by his posture that he would rather be anywhere, but here. Kathryn had to agree with that. The last week had been more than stressful. Talking with Sandrine had helped, but Kathryn had yet to face the real problem.

Chakotay excused himself after almost an hour and left the bridge for his office. Using the excuse that he had duty rosters to look over. In his office, he pressed the comm link, "Chakotay to Torres."

"Torres here Commander."

"Lieutenant, when you get a minute could you come to my office?" Sighing a little too loudly.

B’Elanna didn’t miss it and giving instruction she said, "I’m on my way."

He hadn’t meant for her to leave her duties, but was glad she could. He got up and walked the length of his office and unconsciously stroked the bulkhead. He loved this ship. Her ship. Their ship. Voyager was in great shape and was running smooth as silk. That alone was worth something.

"Would you two like to be alone?" BE was smiling at him when he turned to face her. He started to explain, but she waved his explanation away. "I feel the same way about her." Gently touching the bulkhead.

Chakotay smiled. They had both changed so much. They had found a home aboard this ship. The Angry Warrior, however, no longer had the peace he had sought so long for.

"What’s up?"

"I have to do something. Did you know she has been leaving her duty shift? This is not like her."

"I’ve been thinking a lot about this, Chakotay, and I think that it is time you did say something. I don’t think she’s leaving shift because she’s mad. I think she is probably more hurt than anything else."

He shook his head, "I made a promise that I would never hurt her, and she would never be alone. I feel as though I’ve broken both."

Chakotay was saying things that, B’Elanna, had never expected to hear him admit. "You really are in love with her, aren’t you?"

"Did you think this was some kind of game, B’Elanna?"

"No, no not at all. It’s just that you and she have spent so much time playing eye tag and ‘defining parameters’ that none of us really knew for sure what was going on."

Those words, her words, said so long ago when they at least had a friendship, touched a nerve. BE noticed that all of the sudden he looked tired. "I’m sorry, B’Elanna, maybe this is not the time for this. You and I both have work to do."

"I feel like I should stay and help you through this." She was getting more and more worried.

"No, it’s, ok. I’ll handle this myself. Thanks for putting up with me this last week."

When B’Elanna got back to engineering she went straight to her office. The door slid shut behind her. At her desk she isolated Tom’s conn screen and sent him a private message.

Tom’s attention was drawn down to his screen and there he saw, "I know that you are up to something involving the Captain and Chakotay. Whatever it is you better hurry. He’s near his breaking point."

Janeway left the bridge as soon as alpha shift ended. Tom waited. His alarm sounded that night at 0345. He sat up and stretched. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."

Tom got up, got dressed and headed for the Holodeck. Pulling the access panel off he removed the crystal. "Yes." He replaced the access panel and fed the information into the display screen. "Computer run Paris program, Camouflage."

"Program running enter when ready."

The doors opened and Tom walked in and sat at the table closest to the Captain and Sandrine. The data crystal had masked the fact that everything that took place after alpha shift was recorded. Tom didn’t know what all was on it, but was only interested in this particular scene. The thing that Tom felt worst about was the Captain was crying. He’d seen one or two tears escape before, but nothing like this. It was unnerving. Sandrine was shaking her head and patting Kathryn’s arm.

"Kathryn, my friend, you can’t keep this up. You are going to have to deal with these feelings before you snap."

"I finally admit what the real problem is and it still doesn’t help." Janeway had started to pace with her hands resting on her hips.

"That is because you aren’t admitting it to the right person." Sandrine chuckled, "Tell him."

"How? After everything that has happened he doesn’t even look at me anymore. He must have really loved this Kellin."

Now Tom was confused. There was no one on board Voyager by the name of Kellin. What the hell was going on?

"No, Kathryn, I think maybe there were circumstances that you and I don’t know. He comes here with Tom, and the others, but he never smiles. This is killing him, too. You need to tell him."

Kathryn laughed but there was no mirth in it at all. It made goose bumps appear on Tom’s arm.

"Yes, I can just see it. Commander Chakotay, we’ve been out here for almost 5 years and now after pushing you away for all that time I want you to know that I love you. That, will not go over very well."

"Do you really love him?"

The Captain’s voice was barely audible. "Yes, I love him more than anything."

"Then you have to tell him. Unless, you can’t forgive him?" Sandrine seemed to know just what to say.

"Forgive him. For what? He had every right to turn to someone else. I certainly wasn’t giving him anything."

"Then why don’t you tell him?"

Tom was pleased with the information he had gathered, but was going to need a lot of help putting it to use.

In the mess hall later that morning, Tom cornered the three that would become his co-conspirators. He explained what he had done and what he had consequently seen.

"That was pretty much everything that happened. Now we just have to figure out what to do with this information." He looked at BE, then to Harry and then to Seven. Tom had to admit that he never would have thought that Seven would be a friend, but she had surprised him.

"You can not simply tell the Commander." Seven was thinking out loud.

"NO. I can’t do that."

Harry started smiling, "What if he just happen to find the data crystal?"

Smiles started to appear around the table. Except for Seven. "What if he traces the crystal back to Tom?"

B’Elanna clicked her tough, "Let’s see him try. Tom let me have the crystal. I’ll be sure it can’t be traced to anyone of us."

"How?"

"Leave that to me. Come on Seven we have work to do."

The two women left the mess hall and began their planning. "Harry my friend we are very lucky S.O.B.’s"

"Yeah, we are."

It was early. Too, early for his alarm to be going off. Chakotay opened his eyes to the feeling that someone was in his room. He sat bolt upright, "Lights."

There was no one there. He must be losing it. Then he saw it. There on his chair was a gift. Pushing aside the covers he got out of bed. It wasn’t very big, wrapped in delicate paper with a small blue bow.

Unwrapping it he found a data crystal for the Holodeck. "Computer trace transporter logs for the last 15 minutes." That was what had awaked him. The hum from the transporter.

"The transporter has not been used in the last 15 minutes." He frowned. Someone wanted him to have this without him knowing who they were. There weren’t many people on board that could pull this off. He squeezed the crystal then loosened his grip.

"Hell, why not." He got dressed. Checking his chronometer. "Well at this hour at least the Holodecks will be free."

The Holodecks were indeed free. He placed the data crystal into the control panel. Pressed the button and, "Program running enter when ready."

Chakotay entered and saw Sandrine and... Kathryn. The same scene that Tom had viewed played before him. Then Kathryn, his Kathryn said the words he had waited 5 years to hear. As he left the Holodeck it kept playing in his mind. She loved him. Chakotay stopped in the middle of the corridor. She didn’t know anyone was recording her. Who had done this and why?

He went straight to BE. When the door chimed sounded she had to act like she had been asleep. Sometimes I could kill you, Paris. "Come," was all she said on the third chime.

"Do you know anything about this?" He wasn’t exactly mad. Confused maybe.

"Well, it looks like a data crystal."

"Don’t play dumb, BE."

She shrugged. "No, I don’t. What is it?"

"It materialized in my quarters earlier." He continued to tell her about his trip to the Holodeck, but not what was on it. She had to play this right.

"So what’s on it?" Did she look innocent? Gods, she hoped so.

Chakotay wasn’t taking anything at face value, but he couldn’t prove she had done this. "It’s kind of private. Maybe I’ll tell you when I find out who did this."

"Let me help." They spent the next hour or so trying to trace it with no luck. She and Seven had spent the better part of the day writing a virus. The virus would doubled back on itself and destroyed all evidence of their conspiracy.

"Well, whoever it was didn’t want you to find out. I can keep working on it if you want."

"No. I guess it doesn’t really matter." He left her quarter and she immediately contacted the others.

Chakotay didn’t sleep the rest of the night. Fighting the urge to return to the Holodeck just to hear her say it again. Instead he waited.

Breakfast in the mess hall the next morning was very interesting to say the least. Tom, B’Elanna, Harry, and Seven were there early hoping to see the conspiracy play itself out. Janeway came in first with data PADD in hand. That was usual. She got coffee and a muffin and sat across the room from them. Chakotay came in minutes later. With tea in hand he headed for her table. The four were on the edge of their seats. He said something to her and she motioned to the other chair. They didn’t know that every action and reaction was being watched.

"I had something very unusual happen to me last night." He tried to sound calm.

She sat the PADD down and looked at him, "Really, Commander, what?"

"Someone transported this into my bedroom." He gently handed her the crystal his fingers lingering on her a little longer that necessary.

The soft shiver did not go unnoticed. "It looks like a data crystal for the Holodeck."

"It is. Curiosity got the better of me and I went to the Holodeck to find out what was on it."

"And?"

"It was you... at Sandrine’s." He waited. Then it registered. The different emotions that crossed her face included horror, embarrassment, and somewhere in all of that relief.

"Well, how much do you know?" She waited. When he didn’t answer she looked up. His eyes were filling with tears that he refused to shed for the moment. "Oh, that much."

He reached across the table and took one of her hands. His voice deep with the emotions that were showing in his eyes, "Say it, Kathryn."

It was time. She couldn’t do this anymore. The hiding and lying to herself was too much. "I love you." The words were so quiet that no one else could have heard them. He sighed as though he had been holding his breath for months. When he looked up again she was very close to losing control. He helped her up and they walked out together.

Chakotay touched his combadge, "Chakotay to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here, Commander."

"The Captain and I will be late this morning. We have some engineering reports to go over."

"Of course, Commander. Tuvok out."

Still holding Kathryn’s hand he keyed in her security code and entered her quarters. They sat down on the couch in the common area.

"I’m sorry."

She looked at him finally. "For what? You haven’t done anything to be sorry for."

"Yes, I think I have. I’ve betrayed you over and over. First with Riley, then the Borg..."

His voice trailed off. She took his hand, "No, if I had defined our relationship before then none of that would have happened. This is my fault."

"No, Kathryn, don’t. Just say that you forgive me for everything." He pulled her to him and wrapped her so tight that they became one being. Dependent on each other for they’re very lives.

After a few minutes of enjoying his closeness, "I’ll forgive you everything if you forgive me for being so stubborn."

He laughed, "I think I can handle those parameters."

She began to laugh, too. Leaning back she looked into his face. I can’t imagine that I nearly let that face leave my life.

"What are you thinking?" He gently caressed her cheek with his index finger and she shuddered under his touch.

"That I don’t want to go to work today." She smiled shyly. Not being a shy person it was a dead give away as to what she was really thinking.

He stood and drew her up to him. She knew that he was going to kiss her and her stomach jumped in anticipation. It was soft at first, but as she responded it became more demanding. The kiss asking her to give herself completely to him. She willingly went.

When he lifted his head she smiled that lopsided smile that was so Kathryn, "Why haven’t we done that before?"

"Your parameters, remember."

Tom and Harry entered the bridge and started toward their stations.

"Where’s the Captain and Commander?" He looked at Tuvok.

"They are working on reports. They will be here shortly." Tuvok returned to his work.

Tom shot Harry a knowing look and keyed him a private message, Want to bet on that?

Harry grinned and keyed back, No thanks, I need my replicator rations.

"Should we go to work?" Chakotay checked the chronometer and realized that alpha shift was half over.

"No. Tuvok can handle it." Kathryn continued to draw lazy designs on his chest with her nails.

"Kathryn, don’t you think we should a least let him know that we aren’t coming."

She pulled the covers over their heads laughing, "Oh, but we have and we will again."

Epilog

In the last hour of alpha duty shift Tuvok tapped his combadge. "Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here." She sounded out of breath but he ignored it.

"Captain, is everything alright?"

"Yes, Tuvok. Everything is fine." He was sure that he heard a muffled giggle.

"The reports are taking longer that we thought."

"Very good, Captain. Tuvok out."

Tom Paris heard the muffled giggle and couldn’t help feeling like a celebration.

"So do you think he suspects?"

"Tuvok, no. Tom, yes. Why did you tickle me, Chakotay?"

"After everything you did to me I thought you deserved it."

Her face grew serious. "May I ask a question?"

"Of course. Anything." He noticed the change in attitude and sat up to look at her in the face.

"Where is the journal?"

He wasn’t really surprised at the question, but at the timing. He had expected the question before they made love. "I burned it in a cleansing ceremony."

She smiled her lopsided smile and he returned it with his dimples.

Fin