WARNING: FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS RATED NC-17, NO MINORS PERMITTED!!!!!

 
by Kadith

wallace@koyote.com

Present

Kathryn wiped a tear away as she gently stroked the face of the picture she held. She placed the photo back in the album and lit the candle on her dining table; she lit this candle every year, as a celebration, a remembrance of one she may never see again. It was the fifth time she'd lit the large, blue candle, and the fifth time she'd wrapped a gift, and she'd added the gift to a pile in her closet. So many that might never be opened; there was a gift for each Christmas and each Birthday that she'd missed... a total five of each...

So many times she'd wondered if she was just being foolish, the possibility of the gifts ever being opened was becoming more remote every day. And if by chance they were opened, there would be no use for them anyway, they would have been outgrown. Kathryn sat back on the sofa with sigh, reached out and picked up the photo album again. She flipped through it slowly, so many memories, so many things left undone...

She stopped at the last picture, it had been taken shortly before she'd reported to Voyager. She stroked a finger over the face, so much like her own. The eyes were the most notable difference, they were green instead of blue. And the hair was a shade lighter, but would darken with age. It was worn long, like hers had once been worn. So many similarities, and yet so many differences. She sighed, "At least I grew up with a mother." There was the guilt again, and if she'd handled things a little differently five years ago, she wouldn't have to wonder if the gifts would ever be opened.

Kathryn jumped at the sound of her door chime. She quickly closed the album and sat it on her coffee table. "Come in." She smiled, "Chakotay, what can I do for you this evening?"

"Tom is throwing an impromptu gathering in the holodeck, I was wondering if you'd like to go." He frowned slightly, she looked as though she'd been crying. She considered for a moment, she'd much rather stay in tonight, but he already has that look, like he knows something is wrong. "Sounds like fun, give me five minutes to change?"

He smiled, "No problem, Captain."

"I'll be right out, have a seat."

He sat as she walked into her bedroom to change, as he was doing so something on the floor caught his eye, he picked it up. It was a photo of Kathryn and a child he'd never seen before, he guessed it must have been taken in the Alpha Quadrant. He knew Kathryn had nieces and nephews, but the resemblance was unmistakable. He looked up as Kathryn returned, wearing a pair of black leggings and an oversized green sweater. He eyed the picture for a moment, then held it up to her. "Kathryn, who is this?"

15 years ago:

"Kathryn I've been offered a job teaching on Vulcan, it's a tremendous opportunity, one I can't pass up.

"And I'd never ask you too, but I thought you had a right to know. Mark, I'm not asking for marriage. We decided 2 months ago that a relationship between us wasn't going to work. I just couldn't justify not telling you, whatever your views on family may be." They were sitting on a small bench in the park, not far from Kathryn's home. They'd only been involved for a for a little over 6 months, of course they'd known each other since they were children, and he'd been there when she'd needed a friend most, after Justin's death. They didn't become involved romantically until 3 years later, and had decided to end the relationship after their views on family had clashed. Kathryn had always envisioned herself as one day becoming a mother, but Mark was not a family man, he did not want children then, now, or ever.

"Mark, I've already decided I'm going to raise this child. I have mother and Phoebe to guide and help as needed." She stood as she spoke. "I don't need you, this child doesn't need you, but I wanted you know, I thought it was only fair. You can go to Vulcan, or go to Cardassia Prime, for all I care, but know this, if you shut this child out of your life now, don't come around later expecting to be let back in."

"I've heard everything you've said Kathryn, and I understand your meaning." He stood to face her. "But fatherhood is just not something that I was meant for, and frankly, it's not something I want. I'm going to Vulcan, and I expect this to be the last we'll ever see of each other. I wish we were parting under better circumstances, considering how long we've known each other, but we are not. For that I am deeply sorry. As for the child, I wish you both well, and I know that you will be an exceptional mother."

She sighed, "I'm sorry too Mark, sorry for all the things you could have had. Good bye Mark, and good luck". With that she turned and left, when she arrived home she was glad to see that her mother was there. She was even happier to see that her mother was in the kitchen.

Gretchen smiled at her daughter, "Did you tell him?"

"Yes I did, and he said exactly what I knew he would. He is going to Vulcan, and he has absolutely no wish to be apart of this child's life. It's just as well, I'd rather my child have no father at all rather than one who would resent his or her birth." Kathryn hopped on the counter next to were her mother was working. "Brownies?"

Her mother smiled, "Of course, caramel, your favorite. I wonder if he'll resent it later, walking out on so much."

Kathryn shrugged, "I don't know, but it doesn't matter. I told Mark that if he walked out now, not to walk back in. I don't want him hanging around out of guilt, or some absurd sense of duty. I never intended for us to raise this child together, I only told him I was pregnant because I thought he had a right to know, and I told him that. He understood everything I said, he's made his choice, and he's going to have to live with it."

Gretchen raised a hand to Kathryn's cheek. "I'm proud of you, I want you to know that. I know the decisions you've had to make in the last few weeks haven't been easy. I know it took a lot for you to decide to raise this child alone, and to tell Mark the truth. I just thought you should hear that, and I'm always here if you need me, for anything."

Kathryn smiled at her mother, "I know mom, and thank you." She carefully slid down from her perch on the counter. I'm going to go lay down for awhile. Let me know when you finish those brownies."

"I will, oh, before I forget. I talked to your sister before you got back, she and Peter will be over for dinner later. She wanted to know how things went with Mark, and Peter is threatening to beat some sense into him if you like."

Kathryn laughed at that. "You know, I still can't believe Phoebe is married. And Peter is a sweetheart, but please tell him it will do no good for him to dirty his fist. We're better off anyway."

Gretchen chuckled, "I already did."

Present

Kathryn froze when she saw the picture. "Where did you get that?" She thought she had put it back in the photo album.

"I found it on the floor, you must have dropped it. Are you going to tell me who this is. I would have assumed that it is one of your nieces, but the resemblance is quite remarkable."

Kathryn stepped forward and retrieved the photo, "I thought I'd put this up, I must have been mistaken". She retrieved the album as well, slipping the photo inside. "Are you ready to go?" she asked as she stepped past him, placing the photo album on a bookshelf near the door.

Chakotay followed her to the door, catching her before she could leave. "Kathryn," he said as he turned her to face him, "who is that in the photo, why won't you tell, and why are you trembling?" he asked, growing concerned.

"You're not going to leave this alone are you?" He shook his head in reply. "Alright," she reached behind her and took the album off the book shelf, "I suggest we sit," she motioned toward the sofa, "it's a long story." They both sat on the sofa, Kathryn facing him, the photo album resting on her lap. And she prepared to tell him what only one other aboard Voyager knew.

The Past

Gretchen Janeway smiled down at the sleeping infant in her arms. She hummed softly as she rocked her. She'd brought the old rocking chair she'd used with Kathryn and Phoebe down out of the attic, and the gentle creak it made as it moved back and forth was like an ancient, and very sweet lullaby. She'd gotten quite a bit out of storage for this, her first grandchild, the old cradle both girls had slept in, the changing table, the bassinet, and a few old toys. She gently stroked a finger down the baby's face, and looked at where her daughter was sitting in a near by chair. Her baby, no longer a baby, but now a mother. She wished Edward had lived to be here with her now.

Kathryn shifted gently in her chair, she noted the wistful look on her mother's face, and knew her thoughts. She too wished her own father could be here, her child's first day at home. She smiled as she watched her mother rocking the 3 day old infant, Gretchen had snatched her the moment they'd walked through the door, and gone directly for the old rocking chair. She'd been there for almost an hour now, and didn't look like she'd be giving the infant up anytime soon.

Gretchen grew extremely jealous if anyone got to hold her grandchild more than she did.

Kathryn chuckled, "Mom, you're going to spoil that child rotten."

"Of course, that's what grandmothers are for. To spoil their grandchildren, so they drive their children crazy. Dear it's called revenge, for all the times you drove me crazy when you were a child. And when she becomes a mother, you'll do the same to her children." Gretchen smiled when she saw her daughter frown.

"Please, I'd like her to remain a baby for a little while, at least." Kathryn could hardly believe that her daughter had finally arrived, much less that she would be having children of her own.

"Have you decided on a name yet?" Gretchen laughed, finding a name had been driving Kathryn up the wall for months. She just couldn't decide on one she liked.

"Actually, yes I have. I know it's amazing. Phoebe threatened to name her if I didn't decide on something today, so I knew I had to hurry."

Mother and daughter chuckled at the thought of Phoebe coming up with a name for Kathryn's child, it would have been something off the wall, no doubt. "What did you decide?"

"Brianne Elizabeth, I'm going to call her Bri. Phoebe actually came up with the Elizabeth part, there's hope for her yet."

Gretchen looked at the infant, spoke softly, "Brianne Elizabeth, it's beautiful". She stood and lay the child in the bassinet next to Kathryn's chair. "She looks like you, thankfully, but she has Mark's eyes."

Kathryn shook her head, "No she doesn't, Daddy's eyes were green, She has her grandfather's eyes."

Gretchen smiled and nodded, "Alright, she has her grandfather's eyes. Kathryn, I know Mark is out of you lives for good, but are you at least going to let him know that she has arrived?"

"No, if Mark wanted to know, he would ask. Better yet, he wouldn't have left. He made his decision, mother, and I'm going to respect it."

"What are you going to tell Bri, she will eventually want to know who and where, her father is. You're going to have to tell her something."

Kathryn frowned, "I know, and when she is old enough to understand, I intend to tell her the whole truth. That some people are just not cut out to be parents, and Mark was one of them. Until then however, I have no idea what I'm going to tell her; it's not that Mark didn't want her, he just didn't want to be a father. I'm just afraid she won't understand that."

"I know you'll do whatever you can to make her understand, and it's not like you have to tell her now, you have a few years before she starts asking questions. And if she turns out anything like her mother, which I'm sure she will, she'll understand, and I bet she won't give it a second thought."

"I hope so. I guess I'm just afraid she'll want to go looking for him some day, which is her right, and I'll support her if that's what she wants, but I can't help but hope that she never meets him."

"Maybe she won't, after all she'll have you. And as long as she has you she won't need anyone else..."

Present

Chakotay sat back on the sofa, he was a shocked, to say the least. He couldn't believe that after everything he'd told her about himself, everything they'd been through together, especially on and since New Earth that she hadn't told him about Brianne. He flipped through the photo album, she had handed it to him awhile ago as she had gotten up to pace while she made her confession. It was full of photos of the two of them, as well as momentos: there was a hair ribbon, a finger painting, an infant handprint, and other drawings. He held up the picture he'd found earlier on the floor, it was of Kathryn and Brianne. "When was this taken?"

"My mother took that the week I left for Voyager, it was her tenth birthday; Bri has a copy of it as well. It was a reminder, a promise that I would be back for her in a few weeks. I had left her with my mother many times before, going on various missions, I'd even taken her with me on a few of the longer ones. I wanted to have Bri with me aboard Voyager, but I didn't want to have her aboard during a mission I knew could be very dangerous. It wasn't the Maquis I was worried about, it was being that close to Cardassian territory. I had intended to bring her aboard when the mission was over." Kathryn paused, sat next to him on the sofa. "I was so glad I waited, we lost so many lives when the Caretaker pulled us into the Delta Quadrant, she could have very easily been one of them".

"And later when you made the decision to destroy the array, you began to doubt that decision?" He frowned. He hadn't known just how much she had lost when that array had been destroyed.

"In the beginning I did, but then there was the problem with the Kazon, and it was just one attack after another, and later it was the Borg. I finally began to realize I'd done the right thing. I think she's happier on Earth with my mother and sister than she would be here. At least there I know she has stability, she doesn't have to worry about replicator rations, when the next alien attack is going to occur, or Neelix's cooking." They both smiled at the last statement.

"Kathryn, why didn't you tell anyone? We've all talked about our families, you've mentioned your mother and sister on several occasions, why have you never mentioned Brianne?" He turned so that he was facing her and took her hand.

"I don't know, I started to, I wanted to on several occasions, to tell you of all people, but..." she looked down, " but I couldn't. I don't even discuss her with Tuvok, and he's known about her since we met 11 years ago. Hell, he's met her himself." Kathryn smiled, "You'd be amazed at how different Tuvok is around children, especially this one. He's almost jovial."

Chakotay laughed at the thought of the stoic Vulcan being anything but serious and composed all the time. He also thought he was beginning to understand why she hadn't told him about her daughter. He could clearly see that talking about her pained Kathryn, but keeping it all inside wasn't helping her either. "It explains why you tend to be somewhat, maternal toward this crew. Especially the younger officers, like Harry, and Kes, that is until she left us." He raised a brow. "It also explains why you are so desperate sometimes to get this crew home." He leaned forward, "it explains a few other things as well."

Kathryn looked up at that, she caught his meaning, and he was right, but she didn't like it. "What exactly are you getting at Chakotay?" She stood and walked to the window at the opposite end of the room.

He followed her stopping directly behind her, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. "What I'm saying is that I understand now. I'm beginning to understand why you didn't tell me about her. And I understand that she is the reason," he paused, took a breath, "that you won't let anyone get close, that you won't let me get close. Yes, we've become friends, very good friends, but you won't allow it to go any farther than that."

She nodded slowly, "Brianne is my main concern, but there are other reasons." She turned back toward the window, crossing her arms. "Chakotay, you have to understand, I haven't been involved with anyone before or since Brianne's birth. Oh sure several have tried, but I have to think about Bri. Her father walked out before she was even born, she knows about him, I didn't get the chance to give her all the details. However by now, I'm sure that my mother or Phoebe have told her everything. With Mark it was different, she never knew him, but with the others I was afraid she'd get attached and then the relationship wouldn't work out, and Bri would end up being the one to get hurt. I couldn't let that happen. And if I let myself get involved out here, would she understand? Or would she just think that I had given up on ever seeing her again?" she turned to face him again, tears streaking her beautiful features. "Chakotay, today is my daughter's 15th birthday, and I'm not there to celebrate it with her. I have a pile of gifts in my closet, for every birthday and every Christmas that I have missed, I know it sounds crazy, because reality dictates that she may never get to open them."

He brought a hand up to wipe away her tears. "No, it's not crazy Kathryn. Crazy, would be ignoring those special occasions. I'm sorry I pressed you into telling me, I had no idea. But it's better that you talk about her, keeping it a secret isn't going to help."

She smiled, "No, I'm glad I told you. You can't imagine how much of a relief it is to me that you finally know."

"It's getting late, we've missed Tom's party, I can imagine what the rumors are going to be like tomorrow." They both chuckled, they knew all to well how their crew liked to speculate as to the details of their friendship. Chakotay turned and headed for the door, but just before he stepped out- "Chakotay, thank you." He turned, smiled, and then left.

Kathryn sat back down on the sofa and began to leaf through the photo album again. She stopped when she reached the last picture she'd taken with Brianne.

5 years ago

"Hey! Mom!" Brianne Janeway yelled as she jogged down the stairs of the home she'd lived in since she'd been born, the same home her mother had grown up in.

Kathryn had only intended to stay at her mother's house for a few weeks after Brianne's birth, she had planned to move into a small house not a mile from the home she'd grown up in, but Gretchen wouldn't hear of it; she wanted her daughter and granddaughter as close as she could get them, she didn't want to live alone.

"Hey! What!" Kathryn yelled back from her office, it had once been her father's. She laughed as her daughter flung herself into the chair in front of her desk; her hair was in a bit of a tangled mess. It looked as if she'd curled it, then decided she wanted it braided, but had been unsuccessful in pulling into a french braid; this was obviously going to be another, my hair won't do anything, I'm not going, my life is over conversation.

"Mother, I have come to a very important decision." Kathryn held up a hand to stop her before she got started.

"Number one, your life is not over, if it were we wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation. Number two, you're going, and don't even think about arguing with me, it's your birthday, so you can't be absent; besides Phoebe, Peter and the kids will be here any minute and your grandmother has been working on dinner all day". This year for Bri's birthday she had not wanted a big party, just the family; her mother would be leaving in a few days for a new ship and she wasn't sure how long she'd be gone, she wanted as much time with her as she could get. "Number three, I'm sure I can do something with your hair. And No you are not cutting it." Brianne's hair was the same auburn color as Kathryn's, and almost as long as Kathryn's waste length tresses, which tonight she'd left down at her daughter's request.

Brianne sighed loudly as her mother stood and came around the desk. "I wasn't even going to suggest cutting it." She handed her mother her brush and sat up straight in the chair. Her mother always won.

Kathryn chuckled as she took the brush, "So how would you like it?" She began to gently brush the tangles out of her daughter's hair.

"Braided, I guess I added too many curls, it started to tangle. I came down to see if you could fix it." Brianne leaned back and let her mother go to work on her hair. Kathryn was done braiding it no time.

"There, all done." Kathryn said as she flipped the end of the braid over her daughter's shoulder.

Brianne didn't even have to inspect it, she knew it looked great. "Thanks mom."

"You are very welcome." She said as she handed Brianne her brush. "Now go finish getting dressed." Brianne stood and headed for the door. "Oh! Wait!" Kathryn jogged back around the desk, she brought a small rectangular box out of the top drawer. "I wanted to give this to you before the others arrived."

Brianne's smile widened as she took the gift, she opened it quickly. "Mom, it's beautiful, I love it." It was a small pendant intricately woven together around a small gemstone, and attached to a thin gold chain.

Kathryn lifted the necklace out of its box and fastened it around her daughter's neck. She pulled her daughter into a tight embrace and kissed her forehead. "Happy Birthday, baby. Now," she said giving Brianne a light shove toward the door, "go get dressed."

Brianne turned before stepping out and gave her mother a mock salute, "Yes Ma'am!" They both laughed as Bri left her mother's office and bounded back up the staircase.

Present

"You look like your feeling better." Chakotay stated as he stepped into the Captain's ready room. He was glad to see that she was smiling, and it looked as though she had slept fairly well.

"I am, thank you Commander. I suppose getting all that out in the open helped a little." She smiled as she leaned back in her chair, motioning him to the one in front of her desk. "Have you spoken to Tom or B'Elanna this morning?"

"No, I haven't, I'm not sure which is worse, rumors or no rumors." The both laughed.

"What was it you wanted to see me about this morning." Her voice sobered and she took on a more serious look, time to work.

"I have the final report you wanted, on that M-Class planet that Ensign Kim detected yesterday. The southern most continent is uninhabited, and would be ideal for shore leave."

Kathryn looked over the report he handed her. She nodded, "Alright, get with Tuvok, and work out a shore leave rotation. It's been awhile, and I think everyone could use some time off the ship."

He smiled, "Including its Captain." Janeway was notorious for backing out of shore leave at the last minute to work a report or some such thing. "You're not getting out of this one Kathryn, fight it all you like, but you need a vacation, however short. And you're going if I have to get the doctor to sedate you, and carry you off the ship myself!"

She laughed, he'd do it too, and she wasn't at all sure she'd mind being carried in those arms-no stop it! She told herself, he's your First Officer, and even if he does know about Brianne, it doesn't change a thing. "Dismissed Commander." There was still quite a bit of humor in her voice. "And remind me to deactivate the doctor when we reach that planet!"

Chakotay laughed as he stepped back on to the bridge. He noticed Tom stepping out the 'lift to take his station. He smiled when Tom stepped passed him feigning ignorance. "Good morning to you too Lieutenant. How was the party?"

Tom turned to look at him, a hurt look on his face. "As if you cared, you didn't even show up, after you said you would. And to think B'Elanna and I had a special announcement we had to postpone just because the Captain and First Officer decided they didn't care enough to attend our quaint little gathering." Tom stuck his nose in the air and turned back toward his station.

Chakotay chuckled as he took his seat, "Well Tom, forgive our ignorance. Something came up, I had to cancel. I really am sorry."

"I know, I figured it had to be important, but you might want to stay away from B'Elanna for a while. She's not in a very good mood today." Tom shrugged, "Can't imagine why."

Chakotay laughed, "I'll remember that."

"Captain," Tom called as he noticed her step onto the bridge. "You missed my party last night, I'm hurt."

The Captain smiled as she took her seat next to Chakotay. "And your point would be, what?"

Tom's smile fell, "I feel so loved all of a sudden." That drew a chuckle from the bridge crew.

"What's our ETA to the planet Lieutenant" Once again the Captain was all business.

"At current speed, we should be arriving in approximately 22 hours, Captain."

"Very good, Commander I'll want that shore leave rotation in 10 hours, I want it posted well before we arrive at the planet.'

"Yes ma'am." He stood, "I'll get right on it."

She nodded as he exited the bridge, and then sat back for what would be another uneventful day.

The Past

"Mom, when are you coming back?" Brianne asked her mother as she climbed into bed. Kathryn was leaving the next day to report to Voyager. Brianne was proud and very happy for her mother, but she was also worried. She could not shake the uneasy feeling that something bad was going to happen.

"I'll be back in a few weeks." Kathryn replied as she sat down on the bed behind her daughter, and began brushing her hair. "It'll be a month and a half at the very most. And when I get back," she tugged lightly on her daughter's hair, "I want you packed and ready to join me on Voyager."

Brianne smiled and nodded her head. Kathryn continued brushing her daughter's hair; these evenings together were cherished, and looked forward to at the start of every day. Kathryn would always brush her hair, and then they would work on last minute homework, or just sit and talk. Many times Kathryn would just sit and hold her daughter until she was asleep. It was something they'd been doing together since Brianne was just an infant, and these special times together weren't missed unless Kathryn was away. It killed her, the times she had to leave her daughter behind, but she knew Bri was happy and well taken care of with her mother.

When Kathryn was finished with Bri's hair she lay back and embraced her daughter, stroking her hair. Brianne was asleep in a few minutes. Kathryn gently tucked her daughter in, and as she bent forward to kiss her forehead she whispered, "Don't worry baby, everything will be alright."

The next morning Mother and Daughter said a tearful goodbye, it was the last time they saw each other.

Present

Kathryn came out of her reverie with a start, she quickly looked around the bridge to see if anyone had noticed their Captain's lack of attention. No one had. Her nerves calmed a bit, everything on the bridge was as it should have been. She then looked at the chronometer on her console to see how long she had been daydreaming, it hadn't been long, good she thought.

She looked around the bridge once more and then stood. "Mr. Tuvok you have the bridge, I'll be in my ready room." The Vulcan nodded once in acknowledgement.

Kathryn sat down at her desk with a thud, she brought a hand up to rub he eyes. Memories of those last few days had been plaguing her thoughts for a while now. She knew the reason, it had nothing to do with Brianne really. It had to do with her feelings of guilt; not so much about leaving her daughter behind, but the fact that for the last few years she had been growing closer and closer to her First Officer. Her daughter was 60 light years away, and here she was falling in love with Chakotay. There had been times in the past when Brianne herself had tried to convince her mother to go out and have a good time, but would Brianne approve of Chakotay. Kathryn sat back in her chair with a loud sigh. What would her daughter think of him. Brianne had been so much like her mother that she was sure she'd like him. But, Kathryn stopped herself, she'd been away for five years now, and there was no way of knowing if she'd ever see her daughter again and if she did, how much would Brianne have changed. Kathryn raised a brow, how much had she herself changed.

The Kathryn Janeway of five years ago would never have dreamed of getting involved with anyone, much less her First Officer. Kathryn smiled, but then again, five years ago she hadn't met Chakotay yet. The Kathryn Janeway of today was only delaying the inevitable. She had to make a decision, she'd known that for some time now. Was she going to be alone and miserable for the rest of her life, never giving up hope that she'd see her daughter again, and that her daughter could forgive her for her absence. Or was she going to give life with Chakotay a chance, and pray that it worked out, and that they would be happy together as she was sure they could be. And hope that on the chance that they started a new family together, then one day made it home that her daughter would understand and accept Chakotay.

Kathryn stood, she walked over and replicated a cup of coffee, then she sat on sofa and peered out at the stars as they streaked past. Did Chakotay even want a life with her? She knew he wanted more from her than friendship, of that she was almost certain, but what? She needed to know, but if she asked him and was wrong she'd look like a fool. But then again if she was right...

Kathryn looked up as the door chimed, "Come." She smiled as Chakotay stepped in. "Speak of the devil, and thou shall appear."

Chakotay grinned, a little puzzled. "I'm sorry."

"I was just thinking about you." She stood and moved back over to her desk.

"Anything I need to know about?" He sat in a chair opposite her desk.

"Maybe," she paused, "maybe not." She held a hand out for the report he'd brought in with him. It was the shore leave rotation she'd asked for, she scanned it and then chuckled as she came to the last shift. He had conveniently scheduled them for shore leave at the same time. Maybe that was the little push she needed. "Very well," she handed it back to him. "Have it posted with all of the Department heads. What's our ETA."

"Approximately 12 hours."

The Captain nodded, "Good, This crew deserves a break. And I definitely intend to enjoy myself."

Chakotay smiled, "So, you decided you didn't want to test my little threat."

Kathryn leaned back in her seat and raised a brow. "No, but it might be worth it." She almost laughed at the startled look on his face. It was at that moment she made her decision.

Chakotay sat in his quarters a few hours later, visions of his last meeting with Kathryn raging through his head. Her words kept playing in his mind. "No, but it might be worth it." What the hell had she meant exactly. "I was just thinking about you." "Maybe... maybe not" If he hadn't known better he would have thought that she was flirting with him. But he did know better, a lot better. He knew Kathryn was unwilling to have a relationship, and he knew exactly why. Brianne. He was beginning to accept the idea that she had a daughter, and he was willing to accept a life without the kind of relationship he wanted to have with Kathryn. But he wasn't ready to give up on it just yet. He was going to try one more time.

The continent they had chosen for shore leave was uninhabited and truly beautiful. It was quite close to the planets equator and offered the crew a tropical paradise. Most of the crew stayed near the ocean, which was a gorgeous green color, and the beaches were white sand. A few crewmembers decided to camp out in the nearby rainforest, and explore the caves of the mountains that the forest covered. The crew was told to stay in groups, no less than two to a group, this proved quite convenient for the Captain and Commander. They each had a plan. They each wanted the other, and they were determined to get them.

Kathryn knowing that Chakotay would accompany her, chose to camp in the forest and explore the caves within. They had been on the planet two days and two nights, they had only one night left before they returned to the ship. They had spent the last two days exploring, and enjoying each other's company. Everything was going well, and according to plan, both of them. They had laughed and they had talked, Kathryn had told Chakotay more about her daughter and he had understood. He fully accepted that part of Kathryn's life. In two days they had become closer than they had ever been to anyone before, it both frightened, and exhilarated them.

Kathryn smiled as she looked around, it was truly a paradise. She and Chakotay had set up camp in the mouth of one of the caves, it wasn't very deep but did offer shelter, from prying eyes. Nearby was a small waterfall which flowed into a small lagoon, the lagoon was only a few meters deep. It was perfect for swimming, which was what she intended to do. They rainforest was hot, and Kathryn was glad that she'd thought to pack a swimsuit. It was a deep green, the back was cut low, and the sides came up a little higher than she would have preferred. Kathryn took advantage of Chakotay's absence and changed into it. Chakotay had gone to gather wood for a fire, and would be back shortly. Kathryn tested the water with her foot, cool, but not cold. She waded in and then swam to where the waterfall fell, splashing on the rocks beneath it. Kathryn stood under it and allowed it to flow over her body, cooling.

She was like that when Chakotay returned. He placed the wood in the cave and then watched her for a few minutes. She didn't see him. Chakotay took off his shirt, boots, and jeans, he would have preferred to swim nude, but decided to leave his briefs in place. He then joined her. She heard him as he dove in, and turned to look at him. Her breath caught as he resurfaced and stood before her. His shoulders were broad, and muscled, as was his chest. She smiled shyly as she stepped toward him and ran a hand along his chest. She paced both hands on his chest and raised her head to brush his lips with hers, and then with out warning pushed him backward into the water. He went down with a large splash, and came back up coughing and sputtering.

He looked at her an grinned, "Kathryn, take a breath." That was all the warning she got before he ducked her head under the water. She quickly escaped his hands and slipped through his legs. He turned to see her come back up a few inches behind him. She came up laughing. In one fluid motion he pulled her into his arms and pressed her body against his. He lowered his head to hers and caressed her lips with his own. He parted her lips slowly and slipped his tongue within. She moaned as her tongue slid along his engaging in an erotic dance. Kathryn wrapped her arms around his waist and slid her hands along the muscles of his back. Without breaking the connection to her mouth, he lifted her gently into his arms and carried her out of the water. He carried her into the cave and lay her down on a blanket. Chakotay's lips cruised across Kathryn's jaw. He skimmed down her neck and across her shoulder, removing the straps of her swimsuit. He pulled the suit down to her waist. He then brought a hand up to cup her breast, and kissed his way to the valley between her breasts.

Kathryn's back arched and she moaned deeply at the first feel of his hands on her bare breasts. She cried out in delighted surprise as his mouth closed around a nipple. Kathryn moved her hands up to cradle his head against her breast. She gasped when he gently raked his teeth across her nipple. Kathryn shifted her position thrusting her hips against him, pulling a deep moan from his throat. Kathryn ran her hands down Chakotay's sides and slipped them beneath his briefs, cupping him, pulling him against her. Chakotay took her mouth in a savage kiss, thrusting his tongue deeply within. Then without breaking the kiss, and with her aid he finished removing her swimsuit, and then removed his briefs.

Chakotay clasped Kathryn's hands above her head and entered her, filling her in one powerful thrust. Kathryn cried out against his mouth as he did so. He began to move within her, thrusting deeply. Kathryn raised her hips to meet each hard thrust. She cupped him harder against her, wanting more. Chakotay reached a hand between their bodies and began to massage her clit. Kathryn cried out as the sensations poured through her. She moved a hand across his back, raking her nails against him. Chakotay growled softly, and began to thrust harder into her.

Kathryn wrapped her arms and legs around him as she felt her climax begin. Chakotay began to thrust faster as he felt his own release drawing near. Kathryn cried out his name as her body exploded, quaking, her walls massaging him with in her. Chakotay took her mouth once more, swallowing her cries, as his own climax washed over him. He moved within her a few more times, pouring his release into her.

Chakotay cradled Kathryn's quivering body against his side, and murmured words of love, stroking her hair. Kathryn wrapped her arms tightly around him, and they soon fell asleep, bodies intertwined.

Later Chakotay built a fire, and the second time they came together was slow, gentle, each exploring and memorizing the other's body.

Kathryn awoke in the early hours of morning, she was still wrapped in Chakotay's strong arms. She smiled with contentment and snuggled closer to him. In a few hours they would be returning to Voyager, and a whole new life... together.

THE END!!!!