Chapter Twelve
Lost Men/Lost Ships

The all to familiar flash of white light temporarily blinded him. Raising his hand to shield his eyes he had a bad feeling he knew exactly whose face would greet him when he removed the shield. He wasn't disappointed - or rather he was disappointed. The laughter taunted him; that sarcastic mocking tone that he had almost become accustomed to over the years - almost.

This time the courtroom was the one he had just been in earlier that day. A single Admiral sat in judgment. "Well, well, mon Capitaine, You seem to have quite a penchant for courtroom situations." Each word dripped across the Admiral's lips slowly. "The odds can not be in your favor forever - surely even you cannot presume to go through life forever - innocent."

"Q," he began tiredly, "send me home. I'm not in the mood for your games."

"No, I can see exactly what type of games you've been in the mood for recently." The being waved his hand and an image of Beverly asleep alone in their bed was before them.

Picard bristled but refused to give in. "Leave her out of this," he said as firmly and as evenly as he could manage. A voice spoke into his ear. It was so close, so soft Jean-Luc expected to feel the breath upon his neck but this Being didn't need air to make sound.

"I'm not the one who brought her into this. You're the one who dragged her into your dirty little affairs - you're the one who needs her."

Picard turned to face the voice but instead he found the courtroom now filled with half-human, half-machine creatures that formed the collective. The entire audience pale-faced and unemotional watching him in silence; waiting for him to add his voice to the collective. His heart stopped for just a moment as if to remind of his dependance on a machine. His eyes blinked closed. The audience vanished.

This time when he opened his eyes, another set of lights blinded him- four lights to be exact. Again, he raised his hand to shield himself. The voice this time sent a chill down his spine. The sinisterly calm timbre that echoed through the silence piercing his heart.

"The human female has proven to be almost as challenging as you were - almost." The shadow stepped away from the light; behind him a smaller shadow moved just enough for the light to reflect off the metal restraints that bound her from the ceiling.

Picard tried to move to see who the figure was dangling just out of his reach but his legs did not respond to his commands. He had a sick feeling he knew which human female had been delivered into this monster's hands. "Beverly," he called.

The figure twisted to face him. Her breathing was ragged; only sweat and blood clothed her battered body. Picard struggled to break away but the force held him in place. "You bastard! Let her go! Take me - you have no need for her-"

The smile that sent ice through his veins appeared as the captor stepped into the full light. "But you see, I do need her. Simply because you need her so much."

And then the other voice, the one made without breath whispered into his ear again, "Can't you see what your love is doing to her?"

"Beverly!" he screamed as he fought to reach her once again. The captor held up the device and pointed it toward the female. The scar on her chest was clearly defined.

"NO!" he yelled in horror. He was just able to catch the last spark in her blue eyes as the button was pressed. The pain shot through both of them as every muscle, every nerve ending reacted in agony.

He bolted upright in bed; his eyes wide - filled with fear. He heard the echo as he called her name. She was at his side, concern in her eyes, "Jean-Luc, what is it? what's wrong?"

Bathed in sweat, his pulse racing, he struggled for his next breath. He looked at her, afraid that perhaps this image would disappear also. He tried to speak but his throat was too parched to make a sound. She wiped his forehead and checked for any sign of a fever.

Her touch was so delicate, so real - he knew he was safe. It was just a dream - a nightmare, he repeated to himself. He swallowed a few times as he slowly regained his senses. Taking one of her hands in his he kissed it to reassure himself. "I'm all right," he said, "I just a need a glass of water." He tried to smile for he could see how worried she was.

"Stay here, I'll bring it to you." He didn't even think to protest. Instead he threw back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed; his feet just touching the cool floor.

Reappearing before him she handed him the glass. He drank half of it in one motion. She took the wet washcloth she had brought with her and tenderly wiped his brow and cheeks. Turning the towel to keep it cool she proceeded over his neck and shoulders.

She knew it was only a matter of time. She knew since that first night she slept in his arms that sooner or later his dreams would betray him. It was obvious that since he kept so much hidden in the daylight the darkness would reflect those hidden thoughts. 'How many nights had he awakened alone like this?' Even her presence couldn't keep the nightmares away but she would do everything in her power to make their memories disappear.

He watched her; deeply touched by her concern, her gentle manner. She knew he wasn't ready to talk so she asked no further questions even as she followed his eyes back to where his efforts had dampened the sheets with sweat. He turned to apologize but she had disappeared into the closet. Securing her robe at the waist she came to him and covered his shoulder with his robe. She took the glass and set it on the nightstand.

"Come on," she said offering her hand. He knew better than to question her. He grasped her hand; she led him away from the shadows of his nightmares.

She left the door to his old room open so that the light from hallway would give just the right amount of illumination as they entered the small haven. He stood in awe as she removed her robe and slid under the covers. She mistook the look for hesitation. Throwing back the covers to make room for him she told him, "It'll be cozy but I think there's enough room for both of us."

A puzzling grin covered his face; she patted the pillow invitingly. He shook his head, "Never in my wildest dreams." He was enjoying the sight of her resting in his bed, the bed of his boyhood dreams. But none of them matched this reality.

"Well, are you going to stand there grinning like a schoolboy or are you going to join me? It's getting cold all by myself." He draped his robe across the footboard and slipped into place next to her.

She settled onto her back and he rested his head on her chest letting her hold him. The warmth flowed between them but he was still unwilling to close his eyes. He could just see the stars through the window from this angle. Somehow they seemed even brighter as he stared at them while she held him close. She caressed his head and shoulders lovingly. He did need her - more than he had ever needed anyone in his life. He prayed that need would never bring her harm.

"Would you like me to tell you a story?" This voice was music to his ears. He wanted to hear it, he needed to hear it.

"Yes, I'd like that," he said softly. "But it has to have happy ending," he amended quickly.

She laughed, "Well of course, all the best stories have happy endings. Now then, where shall I begin?"

"That's easy, surely you remember how all the best stories begin," he offered. He picked his head up to look at her and in unison they said,

"Once upon a time . . . "

He settled back against her heart and listened. Her gentle voice and words lulling him back to dream; safe in her arms. Words about a time when Kings ruled the land and Queens ruled the Kings. When love, duty and honor were united by a dream, separated by reality - a time like today.

He slept finally. She lay awake trying to create a happy ending. 

<<Day Two>>

The question was asked almost as if were an afterthought. As the proceedings (or at least this part) wound to a close the final questions were intended to cover any details that may have been overlooked.

Picard had answered each question as thoroughly as he could; everything moving smoothly and everyone seeming ready to continue to the next stage. It had been another long day and as the dinner hour approached Admiral Henry discretely checked the chronometer built into his desk.

Stopek kept his questions to the matter at hand but asked if Picard would be available for a more detailed analysis of the Nexus. Admirals Rivers & C. Rossa took turns directing the questions in a chronological analysis of the events and procedures according to the official logs and Picard's testimony.

It seemed clear that Picard was justified in leaving the Enterprise, that locating Admiral Kirk and going back to the exact moment that had been altered by Soran was the only way to save millions. After two days Jean-Luc felt confident in his role but there was still one question he hoped they wouldn't ask. Unfortunately it was inevitable.

"Are these the complete record of the events to the best of your knowledge?" fired Rivers.

"Yes," Picard answered sitting up even straighter as he realized this was the wind-down portion of the questions.

"Do you have anything to add to your testimony?" Rivers read from the list of questions.

"No," Picard said simply. So why was his heart racing now?

"And you have not discussed these events with anyone except your counsel?" Admiral C. Rossa asked the final question or what they thought was the final question. She hadn't even looked up from her terminal as she said the words but the Captain's hesitation caused them all to focus on him.

"May have a moment to speak with my counsel?" Picard asked to a very surprised panel. It was a simple thing really - they all knew the procedures: Don't discuss your testimony with anyone. And since this was such a classified issue there was no room for hesitation.

The Admirals looked at each other for a moment then C. Rossa nodded to indicate the side room for a privacy. Bernard Rossa did not appear pleased by this development. He led Jean-Luc into the small waiting room behind the main courtroom.

"Picard, I have a feeling I know what this is about," Bernard said as he closed the door to the room. "Dammit why didn't you tell me earlier? I might have been able to run interference for you," he added as he began pacing the room. It wasn't that he was nervous it was just his habit - too many years of being a moving target.

Jean-Luc stiffened as he considered his next words carefully, "I don't believe that's necessary Admiral. I knew what I was doing and-"

"Beverly, right?" the Admiral said cutting him off. "I know the two of you are very close and it's not like she's a Romulan spy or anything but-" he stopped as a new thought struck him. He turned, then looking directly at Jean-Luc, "Just how close are the two of you?"

Picard's tree imitation didn't sway; he wasn't sure what to do to protect her. It was too late for that; he had only himself to blame for bringing her into this. He recalled that afternoon; sitting under the tree by the stream, watching the water rush by, the way the sun reflected off the surface and danced in her hair. There was no Starfleet, no rank, no rules - just the two of them holding onto each other for all they were worth. He needed her to understand.

"We are going to be married as soon as this is all over with," he responded evenly.

A slow-blooming smile took over the face of Admiral Bernard Rossa. "For crying out loud boy, do I have to drag everything out of you?" The Admiral clapped Picard on the shoulder and laughed lightly. "Well I'll be damned - Conna's going to love this news." For his part Jean-Luc was trying to remember the last time anyone had referred to him as a 'boy.'

Rossa turned to resume his pacing momentarily. "Too bad you're not already married, that's a little different situation. But like I said, this is Beverly we're talking about . . . your CMO."

"I don't suppose there's anyway to keep her out of this now is there?" Jean-Luc asked already knowing the answer.

"Your CMO," Rossa repeated slowly, lost in thought. Picard looked at him puzzled for a moment. The Admiral's face brightened a bit as a new approach formed in his mind, "Now - tell me everything."

Jean-Luc slipped into the hall quietly. They had asked him to wait outside while they prepared their decision. All indications pointed toward a favorable resolution but . . . Dammit, why did I bring Beverly into this? He cursed himself again.

Across the hallway Will looked up and saw the Captain standing in the hallway. Picard caught his First Officer's eyes and moved into the waiting room. Beverly's smile was almost enough to make him forget where he was at. But the room full of people overrode his desire to take her in his arms.

"They're preparing their decision," Picard explained to the anxious audience. As usual he hid his own emotions but as Beverly's hand covered his with warmth he slowly brought his eyes to meet hers. "Beverly," he whispered hoarsely. He swallowed and told the others, "Will you excuse us for a moment," before he led her into the corridor.

Standing by the window he took both of her hands in his and began, "Beverly, I'm so sorry." He couldn't meet her eyes instead staring at her graceful fingers resting in his hands.

"Jean-Luc everything's going to be fine - you have nothing to apologize for." He shook his head slowly as she spoke.

"I never meant to involve you in this. I'm sorry I- " he started again, still unable to meet her eyes. A heavy sigh pushed through his lips.

"Jean-Luc," she began firmly, "look at me." His eyes came up slowly just as a group of Cadets appeared from a nearby doorway making their way through the corridor. The Captain and Doctor instinctively straightened and pulled away from each other until the Cadets had passed. Picard took the opportunity to walk a small circle as he tried to find the words he needed.

"Jean-Luc," she started a second time. This time the courtroom door opened and Bernard Rossa stepped into the hallway.

"Oh good you're both here," Rossa called as he spotted Beverly by the window. Rossa smiled and walked to her side. "Jean-Luc told me the good news." Then taking her hands in his he smiled, "I'm couldn't be happier for you. Now then, are you ready to hear the decision?"

"Already?" asked Picard still hoping for some time to explain everything to Beverly.

"Yes and since both of you were involved they want both of you to hear the statement," Rossa told them.

Beverly's confusion registered in her eyes as Jean-Luc said to the Admiral, "I haven't had time to explain-"

"Come on," the Admiral said waving him off. "Everything will be clearer in a just a few minutes. Let's just get this over with." Rossa held the door open as the couple exchanged a final uncertain look.

As the statement was read by Admiral C. Rossa Beverly's confusion gave way to relief. By all accounts the Captain's actions had been exemplary and particularly resourceful under the circumstances. So why is Jean-Luc still holding his breath? And what the hell am I doing here? Beverly surveyed the faces again trying to understand her role in this matter.

"However," interjected Rivers.

Uh-oh, however here it comes, thought Beverly as her mental commentary continued. She shot a quick glance at Jean-Luc but he kept his eyes fixed straight ahead.

"I find it disturbing," continued Rivers, "that despite the fact that you knew it was against regulations you willfully chose to share your knowledge of these events with someone other than your counsel. I know you both understand that those regulations are in place to protect us; they can not simply be put aside for one's own selfish reasons." Rivers took a small breath an continued, "However, since Admiral Rossa pointed out this was also your personal physician, Doctor/Patient confidentiality must take precedence in this situation."

Beverly breathed a sigh of relief. She knew they had gotten by on a technicality. Why had he told them in the first place?

Jean-Luc swallowed, his adam's apple the only noticeable movement from him. Why did they ask her into the room? She never would have known . . . He barely listened to the last words formally closing this part of the hearings. All he wanted was the chance to apologize to Beverly.

Everyone stood. Rivers & Stopek nodded and filed out. Admiral Henry came up to congratulate both the Captain and Doctor. Jean-Luc relaxed just a bit as Henry hugged Beverly then shook his hand.

"The Press is going to have a field day with this," Thomas teased. "One of the Federation's most eligible bachelors down for the count. I can't wait to tell Ticia."

Jean-Luc felt himself stiffen automatically at the mention of the Press. One look at Beverly's smile made him not care what kind of teasing he was in for. Hell there were times he wanted to shout it for everyone to hear.

"Well, Bernard will take care of the announcement in his Press Release about the hearing," Henry added. "Now if you'll excuse me dinner's waiting."

Beverly turned to Jean-Luc, "Are you ready for everyone to know?"

He smiled and took her hand, "It doesn't look like we have any choice in the matter."

"Captain, Doctor, may we have a word with the two of you?" the gentle voice of Connaught Rossa called to them. She had taken her seat at the table again and indicated for them to sit also. Behind her Bernard was pacing slowly.

"Yes, of course," answered Jean-Luc. The Admiral smiled at them genuinely waiting for them to be seated.

"Do you know how long we've been married?" she asked. Beverly and Jean-Luc looked at each other wondering what this line of questioning was all about.

Behind his wife, Bernard stopped for a second and turned to them. "Forever, that's how long," he offered with a slight harumph at the end.

Her eyes never moved from the couple in front of her as she said, "He says that whenever he can't recall the exact answer. If I give him a minute he'll come up the year."

"Well, that's easy. Let's see now, it was 10 years before the Academy Marathon was won by a freshman - the only year." Bernard recalled looking at Picard. Jean-Luc smiled at the memory.

"Now how can you remember who won a race some 35 years ago and you can't-" Conna said turning her glare toward her husband. "But then you've always had a rather selective memory."

"People get married all the time, that race was different. That freshman was different. Now look at him- he finally let someone catch him." Bernard gestured with his right hand toward Beverly.

"People get married all the time?" Conna repeated, her voice rising with inflection. "Is that how memorable our wedding day was to you?"

"Now, Dear," Bernard said placing a hand on her shoulder, "I don't think that was the point you had in mind when you asked to speak with the young ones, here."

Suddenly remembering her audience, Conna turned to them and smiled. "He's right, of course. I'm afraid this hearing will just be the first of many trials you'll have to endure. We have been married forever and if there's anything we've learned over the years, it's when not to offer extraneous information."

Jean-Luc frowned a bit. Was she implying that I lie to the panel? "I was asked a question and responded truthfully," Picard said.

"Yes, yes. We're not implying you should have done otherwise," Bernard said standing still for a moment. "But you're about to start playing under a different set of rules."

Picard considered him for a moment, "I don't see how being married is going to change the way I-" he stopped as the couple across the way began laughing. Jean-Luc turned to Beverly to see if she was also laughing at him. She wasn't but her face melted into a knowing smile as she took his hand.

"Son, you have a lot to learn," Bernard said finally settling into a chair next to his wife.

Jean-Luc suddenly felt like a teenager being lectured before attempting to run off and elope. I'm not some love sick schoolboy in need of advice, he thought to himself. I know exactly what I'm doing and I . . . I- his thoughts straying for a moment as her lovely blue eyes smiled at him warmly.

"Admirals," Beverly started, "I know you mean well but Jean-Luc is an explorer. And I have every confidence that he's going to enjoy this journey more than any other."

"I don't doubt that for a minute," Conna began. "But I think there's something both of you need to hear in light of today's events." She paused and looked at her husband for a minute, a small smile lit her eyes but her face was serious as she turned to speak to Jean-Luc and Beverly.

"Marriage is the most sacred relationship two people can enter into. And not Starfleet, anyone or anything has the right to interfere with that relationship. What happens, or is discussed, between a husband and a wife is not open to the eyes of ANY other parties."

At her side Bernard stood again and placed his hands on her shoulders. "It took us several years to figure that out. When we were young and both just starting our careers we almost let the secrets destroy our marriage. We thought we were protecting each other; thought that Starfleet careers came before each other."

"They don't," both Rossas said in perfect unison.

Jean-Luc looked at Beverly as her grip on his hand increased just slightly. He wondered what secrets she would want to know. 'Does she have any secrets? Will I ever be ready to tell her everything?'

"Of course there's a catch," the quiet voice of Conna interrupted their thoughts. "The next lesson was learning what questions not to ask of one another. There are some secrets I would rather not know. It wasn't easy but I trust this man more than myself."

"That seems rather paradoxical. First you say there should be no secrets; then we should realize when not to ask about the other person's secrets?" Picard asked, confusion playing across his features. Even Beverly looked apprehensive about this one. "How can there truly be no secrets if there are things we're not supposed to ask about?"

"Years ago Bernard was part of the diplomatic team assigned to evaluate Risa's application into the Federation." Conna began as Bernard interrupted his pacing, a wistful smile spreading across his face. "We had only been married a short time and when the mission was extended - TWICE as the delegation asked for more time to study the culture of the planet. I had a feeling something other than the tropical atmosphere kept a blush on his face every time he sent a message home."

With her gaze still focused straight ahead she said, "Look at him, after all these years he still gets that same silly smile just thinking about it." Beverly and Jean-Luc couldn't help but laugh as Bernard stiffened; all traces of the smile dropping away quickly. "Of course I trust him completely. But I'd rather not know what or WHO makes him grin like that."

"Why I was just thinking how happy how I was to see you when I got home. Risa's such a boring planet after all. Wouldn't you agree, Picard?" Bernard asked redirecting the question to Jean-Luc suddenly.

Beverly looked at Jean-Luc as a slight blush colored his ears. His eyes darted away from her as she tried to read his reaction. He cleared his throat but before he could speak Bernard turned the spotlight to another direction.

"And what about that bachelorette party of yours?" Bernard asked his wife as she rose from her chair. "What was the name of that planet anyways? You ought to see the way the men are kept there, Picard."

The way Admiral Connaught Rossa beamed in remembrance made Beverly very curious. "It was a Bridal Shower. And that was before we were married - it doesn't count."

"Doesn't count? Doesn't count?" Bernard repeated for emphasis. "And what about the wedding gift they sent you? I think I get extra bonus points for that incident."

Across the room Jean-Luc and Beverly were silently enjoying the show. If indeed the Rossas had been married forever they still acted like newlyweds; the soft sparkle that lit each other's eyes as they looked upon one another, the inconspicuous, tender touches they allowed when they thought no one was looking. Jean-Luc sighed, hoping he and Beverly would always be able to keep that fire, that newness alive. They stood to meet the Admirals as they began to file out.

"Congratulations, both of you," Conna offered as she ignored her husbands continued rantings. She took Beverly by the arm and started toward the door. "Have you decided on a date yet? And will you be having a big wedding?" she asked letting the questions run together and not waiting for an answer. "I must speak to your Maid of Honor about the location of your Bridal Shower - Oh you must have one."

Bernard had his hand on Jean-Luc's shoulder as they followed them to the door. "You really ought to do it up right, son. I'm sure with all the friends the two of you have acquired over the years it'll be the biggest party of the Season."

"I don't think-" Picard tried to interject.

"Hey, I'll bet Jona will want to come. Our Grandson has been writing more and more these days and he's due for a visit. And think of the Diplomats, this could be a heck of an opportunity to bring together some very interesting people," Bernard continued hastily. "Conna, Jean-Luc says we might be able to invite Jona to the wedding."

Beverly and Jean-Luc stared at each other as the Admirals began compiling a whole list of interesting guests. Still engaged in planning, the Admirals slipped out of the room oblivious to the exasperated looks on the faces of the two people who were actually going to get married.

Picard was sure this wasn't the wedding Beverly had in mind. He looked to her hoping to diffuse her anger. She was laughing. It was infectious and after a minute he found himself laughing along with her. Pulling her into his arms he kissed her on the nose.

"I suppose eloping is out of the question now?" he offered only half in jest.

"Looks as though we've been found out," Beverly said as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't care who they invite. As long as we have our family and friends there."

"I'm not sure I like the idea of turning our wedding into some sort of Diplomatic initiative. I want it to be special. I thought just a few close friends."

"Jean-Luc, it will be special. And trust me you won't even notice a few extra guests."

"You're right. I'll be too busy staring at the most beautiful bride in the universe." He silenced her laugh with a kiss.